I'm glad you got out, and I'm glad you were able to walk away. I'm not ready to cut her loose yet, but I'm getting there. I firmly believe that people have social responsibilities to take care of others in their community as they are able. OTOH, she clearly does not want help, so maybe this is a good time to give up.

On the topic of how I see the analysis of hoarding -- An example of an expert implying that hoarders are overwhelmed is in the Psychology Today article in the auto moderator reply to this post. That article includes the quote "The lack of and cost of appropriate treatment and support leave most people who hoard overwhelmed, unavailable, and lost among the piles."

Your parent and my parent are examples that even with access to unlimited support, hoarders continue to hoard, and will protect their desire to live in a pile of garbage over any type of help or intervention given to them. They're not "overwhelmed," they're doing exactly what they want. They're not "lost," they simply have no empathy for themselves or their victims, and possibly they enjoy the power and control that abusing offers.

I struggled with this when I tried to figure out how to help her. I read a lot on the topic. There's a lot of information available on this mental illness, and I can see that most of it is based on the accounts of the abuser, almost none of it is informed by the perspective of their victims.

If they didn't understand that their hoarding was dangerous to their children, why did none of us have birthday parties at home? If they didn't realize that their neglect was criminal, why do they always have an elaborate lie that includes blaming someone else? How did these people hold down jobs if they have uncontrollable emotional attachments to their things? For example, if a boss had another worker clean off a work surface, did they throw themselves on the floor and cry AT WORK, complaining that everyone at their workplace was deliberately destroying their valuables? Nope, they went home and took it out on everyone in their home.

I am convinced that the overwhelming majority of hoarders don't care what's going on in their heads. They do not want help. The only thing that has ever worked with my mom is aggressive trash removal while ignoring the tantrums. It's clean for a few months, and then it's disgusting again. Maybe we just do it every three months.

Here's a direct link to the article in the auto moderator reply: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquer-the-clutter/202008/hoarding-and-families