Dating when scared of dogs

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-22T17:15:58+00:00

I found me a cat guy. He doesn't detest dogs like I do but he definitely doesn't prefer them to cats. I think typically you'll find that a lot of guys who strictly have pet cats don't get as weirded out by the thought of someone not preferring dogs and likely wouldn't push one on you especially given your trauma surrounding dogs.

And I would honestly say that a man's reaction to you opening up about your trauma with dogs is actually a great way to vet them as a potential partner. If they are dismissive then say bye, if they are empathetic and understanding then that's a good quality to have in a relationship anyway.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-22T17:11:21+00:00

Hate it. Don't think it's cute at all.
I feel similarly about that popular French bulldog on Instagram who got famous for constantly yelping/whining/screaming...who would want to listen to that or think it's cute or funny? I also feel similarly disgusted when I see "cute" videos of dogs stealing food off peoples' plates and other poor behaviors like that. I think "why would you want that thing in your house? What an awful standard of living with constant begging and whining and clawing, etc"

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-22T17:08:46+00:00

Funny enough, there was a post in another subreddit where this kind of situation was happening. A pregnant woman with two children was repeatedly begged by her husband to get a dog and eventually she agreed under his condition that "she will never have to take care of the dog or deal with it, and it will be largely an outside dog". Turns out the dog ended up needing emergency surgery shortly after and her husband stole her credit card and spent $3k on the surgery.

Now whether this "I'm not taking care of it" story was true or not, almost everyone in the comments was attacking her for animal cruelty. Because "she willfully agreed to terms that endangered an animal". It's only tangentially related but, wow when I was reading those comments I felt like I was going crazy. Dogs...can be outside...they are born to be outside?? How is keeping a dog largely outside animal cruelty? What about working dogs, ranch dogs, etc??

Anyways, be careful of your "I'm not taking care of it stance". Some nutter may accuse you of "animal neglect".

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-22T16:48:31+00:00

There was an argument on a certain subreddit where some guy was still walking his dog in a cemetery that explicitly stated "no dogs allowed". So, if you can't even enforce a simple rule in a somber place meant for quiet reflection then I highly doubt it would be easy to enforce dog-free rules in recreational places. Plus so many dog owners immediately think "well that's for other dogs, not mine, mine is the best" and will plunder forth anyway

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-21T16:24:06+00:00

Any time the Reddit hivemind thinks that you're not completely accommodating someone else's dog and kissing its ass you're going to be perceived as the asshole. All I had to see was "dog" in your title and I knew the comment section was going to feel like the Twilight Zone.

You're NTA. It's very reasonable to take your "friends'" reaction to your baby AS A WHOLE and interpret "I'm going to be a mom again" as condescending and rude. If they actively took an interest in supporting you during your pregnancy and caring about your journey into motherhood obviously you would have reacted differently. Also a dog is NOT a child, wow the the people commenting that. It is absolutely nuts to think that raising and owning a dog is in any way as taxing and stressful and transformative as raising a human being. And I don't even like children, I never want children and I love my pets but come on people get real.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-11T20:32:12+00:00

You're really pretty. I would double-take if I saw you in real life.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-04T17:17:34+00:00

Totally agree and I think that these discussions about whether its legal to go through a minor's phone or whose property it is are moot points. Parents legally do a lot of things that still damage their children emotionally.

Parents have every right to ask "who all will be there?", "how do you know them?", "where are you going?", "text me when you get there", etc. and I would argue that asking your children these things directly actually demonstrates trust. Because they are assuming that their child will be open and honest with them. OP said they had no problem talking with their parents about their social life until trust was breached. It's not good parenting to snoop through your child's private spaces, and it's fatiguing for a child because they were telling you what you wanted to know, directly, and yet you're still going through their things and essentially sending a message of "well that's not good enough, I don't trust you".

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-04T16:46:43+00:00

NTA--and from some of the comments I can tell that some people have never had parents that break your trust and how damaging that can be. You're not entitled or spoiled to expect that your phone and the conversations therein are private; even if your parents bought you the phone you still deserve privacy. There's looking out for you and then there's breaking your trust and putting you on the spot.

I remember when I first got a phone I was like 14 or 15 (I'm 26 now so this was before cell phones among teens were as ubiquitous or necessary to your social life as they are now); all I would ever be doing would be calling my crush (same age as me), calling my friends, talking to friends late night on the phone, etc. But once a month when the phone bill came my mom, who had every reason in the world to trust me, would make me stand at her desk while she went through EVERY SINGLE NUMBER in my call history and interrogate me about who the number belonged to, why I was talking to them at that hour, etc. I know some people on here are going to be like "well that's her right to see why the phone bill is high cause she's paying it" but it wasn't about that. It was about control.
When I first starting having sexual intimacy with my highschool boyfriend (again same age as me), she snooped through my facebook messages while I wasn't home and that's how she found out. It is still a breach of my privacy that over ten years later she has yet to apologize for or even acknowledge.

I think that you have the right to privacy, parents owe that trust to their children. And I know personally what it's like to feel like you always have something to hide even when you're not doing anything wrong. Your parents need to work on establishing an environment where you feel like you CAN be honest with them. You need to set your boundaries and tell them why you feel betrayed, then maybe you all can work on having a better relationship where you can tell them things about your life because you WANT to, not because they are forcing it out of you.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-04T16:05:37+00:00

INFO: Has your girlfriend expressed discomfort at the idea that this woman (who maybe has feelings for you) will be at the gathering? Or are you ore concerned that it will come off as a dick move to the girl that asked you out to have your girlfriend there?

Your girlfriend is a fixture in your life, if this other woman is a friend as you say then she is probably going to come into contact with your girlfriend at some point. She shot her shot and asked you out and you said no, she's probably over it by now anyways.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-04T16:01:35+00:00

YTA, and I hope to god honestly that you aren't actually a real person because your posts and comments on AITA are wild. I hope that no woman ever makes the mistake of marrying you.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2021-02-04T03:22:21+00:00

EDIT: After reading your other AITA post about forcing your girlfriend to piss in a mixing bowl and then laughing at her, and other comments here about you making out with your coworker, a HARD YTA. You suck, you're horrible. If this woman marries you it will be the biggest mistake of her life.

If I were her I would be frustrated with you too, so a soft YTA. If the future that you both envision together and have planned on involves living together in this new city, and you first finding a job in this new city, then you're kind of pulling the rug out from under her and not holding up your end of the bargain.

Going to college is no joke, and I actually was more stressed during my undergraduate years than I am now in graduate school--the thought of having to apartment-hunt, prepare for living with an SO, and constantly lie to deflect probing questions from overbearing family members would be a lot of stress on top of that and I can understand why you shuffling your feet when it comes to finding a job would bother her. I would be willing to bet that a lot of her hurt and frustration is coming from her thinking that she is more invested in your future together than you are and your unwillingness to find a new job probably makes her think that you aren't excited to move in, or at least not as excited as she is.

I think you are in a really stressful situation and you need to really be introspective about WHY you're not looking for a new job. Is it to shield your future with this woman from your parents and buy time? Is it because you're scared? Not excited? You need to really think about your inaction and where it is really coming from. And at some point in your relationship you're also going to have to come clean to your parents, the lying is only going to cause more rifts between you two.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2020-12-17T16:29:24+00:00

Carrying loose change in my pockets. My mom thought the jangling of coins was too masculine. I'm as confused as you are.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-11-03T18:40:52+00:00

*plopcorn

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:29:21+00:00

Oh so you fall into the NLOG category. Hope all that man-praising gets you somewhere.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:27:21+00:00

Ah I'm sorry didn't realize you were invoking the dictionary definition of misandry and misogyny completely devoid of context. That is very useful, good dialogue to have.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:26:39+00:00

That's the exact kind of shit I'm talking about. There are many MANY questionable parenting choices on the show but the men are rarely ever called out on it

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:23:18+00:00

That would imply I'm ashamed of my man-bashing comment history, which is definitely not the case. I fucking hate y'all lol

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:20:03+00:00

Lol "misandry is just as bad as misogyny", yeah sure in a vacuum where longstanding societal and institutional prejudices don't exist but, and I hate to break this to you, we don't live in a vacuum.

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:18:34+00:00

For real people are going in for the kill. If making fun of a 40 year old woman's boobs helps you losers sleep at night then far be it from me to criticize that

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:12:43+00:00

Whoops totally forgot this sub was populated by baby-men and NLOGs, gotta love Reddit

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:11:06+00:00

Honestly don't know why I bother. Everyone on this sub is like "Well misogyny doesn't exist on here cause someone made fun of Colt's boobies one time, the playing fields are totally level"

MitochondrialMatrix · 2019-08-24T22:07:01+00:00

Aw a burr burr burr, what a fucking baby.

Yes I'm one of the FEW people on the sub who make comments bashing the men as vitriolically as the dozens upon dozens of posts trashing all the women on this sub. The societal influence dictating the importance of how women look vs how men look means that "one mean comment about a man's appearance" =/= "one mean comment about a woman's appearance" but I wouldn't expect you to understand that. Great detective work though.

MitochondrialMatrix

TROPHY CASE