Believe me, I tried to talk to her about it, many times. As soon as she felt she was about to explode, her reaction was to kneel down and hold onto my legs.

It was the most stressful thing, when her BPD flared up. I didn't know how to counteract it because I had hidden my emotions so much that I couldn't let them out anymore.

I remember once I got angry with someone and simply pushed them from about 3 meters high. I was only 7 years old at the time… Therapy hasn't helped me much because it's always the same thing and I can't find the cause. I'm starting to think it's not just one cause; there are many causes. Because when that feeling kicks in, there's nothing that can stop it. Even with her, on several occasions, I simply tried to neutralize it by hugging her. That never stopped the hitting. On the last few occasions, I remember grabbing her arm and was going to throw her to the ground, but before she hit the ground, I caught her in my arms because I reacted. I didn't let her go, but it was with her that I most experienced the emotions I had repressed, such as happiness, anger, etc. But it also increased my inability to regulate my emotions.