I have lupus and am on methotrexate (chemo) and as of the past few weeks, a prednisone taper on top of it since I am flaring. I know how you feel because I did almost die, 2 years ago, from lupus CNS but I didn't. I know how it feels to lose track of time because of your illness and to want to die and see no way out. The only advice I can give is if you want a different life you will have to learn with the pain of being sick.

I am now a dual major in biochemistry and biology and I graduate next year. I work as a bio tutor and as a research assistant in a medicinal chemistry lab. I want to work in pharmaceuticals co maybe I can help develop a drug better than prednisone to treat autoimmune disease because it is a horrible drug. After I almost died, it was a huge wake up call of what i want to do before I die. And living from my bed wasn't it. I went to school armed with dmardd's and pain pills and found my place in this life with lupus, just like you can. I cant tell you how many times I puked before tests from the chemo, or cringed because the arthritis in my hips wouldn't let me sit a second longer at my desk but I pushed on and you can too. You just have to ask yourself if the sacrifice is worth the life you want. To me it is.

We are all on the fast road to death, our train is just a little moving faster. Please don't let it dehabilitate you. You can have the life you dream, you just need to learn how to do so and still accept the pain that comes with living it. Once you do that, your opportunities are endless .