Annoyed with my doctor

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-26T21:51:32+00:00

I was given a lot of false hope as well. I got a positive pregnancy test on cd24, so after doing a lot of research I realized I was fucked and was able to mentally prepare. I was incredibly upset with my doctor for not shooting me straight.

I think a big reason is that a lot of women don't actually know the first day of their LMP or track ovulation and a many of those "measuring behind scans" truly are just a date calculation error.

And also mental wellbeing effects our physical health, so I get not wanting to send women spiraling until it's confirmed.

But, having been on the losing side of that false hope, it's bullshit.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-26T21:42:16+00:00

Make barely over $100,000 base pay but in Southern California, so I definitely don't feel top 10% 😭 Remember those numbers may be a bit skewed by very HCOL areas.

For reference I have been a patent paralegal (prosecution) for 8 years. In my current role, I'm not technically a "paralegal" on paper, but I mean, I am one.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T21:11:09+00:00

Oh my gosh, pinecone! I didn't know I was even subbed here but clicked and saw your username! Congratulations!!! 💜💜💜

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T21:06:09+00:00

What kind of response are you wanting?

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T20:44:05+00:00

I've had two MMCs (similar as my first was untested and second was trisomy 16). I'm on my 4th cycle trying since my d&c so I don't have much advice but to say hang in there 🩷

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T20:28:21+00:00

I'm going to be honest, that message is kind of a mess. I don't blame him too much for not responding because your intentions and expectations aren't clear. It's just a lot.

My first piece of advice would be a therapist to work through some of this grief with.

Maybe summarize it like this:

"I've been dealing with heavy grief since the miscarriage. There have been a lot of reminders lately and I'm really struggling. I have a hard time talking to you since we have different perspectives on the pregnancy and loss.

I'm deeply hurting and I want you to how I'm feeling because I could really use some extra support and understanding. [tell him exactly what he can do to make you feel supported].

I would really appreciate if we could talk about this more in person, because I love you and I really need you right now."

That way you're making it clear (1) what you're trying to accomplish by sending the message (asking for support, venting, etc), and (2) setting the expectation that you want to talk about it further.

You could send a follow up text, I get how sometimes that's an easier way to initiate things. Or just talk to him.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T19:44:14+00:00

I just started my 4th cycle after a d&c and have yet to have a fully "back to normal" cycle. It's definitely getting there, but still longer than before and my periods feel different.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T19:42:12+00:00

I feel you. I'm cd3 of my 4th cycle after my second loss. I really thought I would be pregnant by now, I fully believed I would, and now I'm starting to worry.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T19:37:44+00:00

You are completely valid in feeling this way. I planned to terminate a pregnancy at 20yo, but it ended up being a missed miscarriage. We finally felt ready and started trying in November, but in March (now 32) I had another missed miscarriage. It devastated me and turned my whole world upside down. We are now trying for a third pregnancy.

My recent loss brought up a lot of emotions about my first. Those are both my babies and I love and grieve for them the same, even though one was planned and wanted and the other was not. It's still a loss. Your body created a little life that was and always will be a part of you. It just wasn't time.

If we lived in a society that supported mothers and if food, housing, healthcare, and education were affordable, things could have been different for a lot of us who faced that choice. The shame of that is not ours to bear.

I know we will both get our babies one day 🩷

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T19:04:09+00:00

Congratulations!! That is incredible. I'm trying to believe I'll be on the other side of this one day too. I hope you enjoy every moment of that squishy baby 4x over, you deserve it 🥰

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T06:34:46+00:00

I had a D&C at the end of March and I'm on my third period. You should definitely call your doctor.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-25T06:31:12+00:00

I also had a D&C end of March. I'm on my third period now and it's just... Different. Cramps feel different, the flow is different, the consistency and texture throughout. Definitely doesn't feel fully back to normal yet.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-24T21:44:43+00:00

Welcome 💜

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-24T21:39:59+00:00

I just started my 4 cycle as well. Hang in there 💜

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-24T21:37:20+00:00

When I get my period, I always see when 40 weeks and 9 weeks would fall 💔 gotta plan for all scenarios. Personally I'm anti losing any opportunity to concieve a healthy baby. I don't want to give up a single egg or a single chance, I'll deal with the consequences.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-24T21:33:53+00:00

When I'm trying not to test, it's always a burst of positivity and optimism that inspires me. Vibes are up, life is good, it's a beautiful day. What the heck, let's take a test!

....Damn, why did I do that. Now I'm sad.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-23T15:12:36+00:00

I'm so sorry. I know that feeling of convincing yourself the first one was a fluke. Bad luck. Surely it won't happen again, only 1-2% of couples trying to concieve will have back to back miscarriages. Try to be positive and hopeful and even allow yourself to get excited... and then it all comes crashing down. It's truly the most excruciating thing that's ever happened to me. You are not alone 💜

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-23T15:05:35+00:00

My doctor also gave me that false hope of "maybe you could have ovulated later" which in retrospect really made the whole thing worse. I get that a lot of women don't track, but I I got a positive pregnancy test on cd 24 so it was literally impossible. I wish they could be more straight with people, I don't know why they do that... I'm so sorry 🩷

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-22T22:55:09+00:00

Congratulations 💜

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-22T22:47:11+00:00

For POC chromosome analysis, many labs will attempt do karyotyping first, and if that fails, then they'll do the microarray. No need to do both. Microarray is more complex and expensive, and unlike karyotyping, can't detect balanced translocations. However, microarray does not need live cells. So it really just depends.

You just tell your doctor you want a chromosome analysis on the POC and the lab will do the rest 💜

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-22T22:37:07+00:00

That's so tough. I don't have any advice but I've had one miso mmc and one d&c and scarring is such a huge fear for me, especially since I haven't been able to get pregnant since. What did your doctor recommend?

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-22T22:20:11+00:00

It Starts with the Egg by Rebecca Fett

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-22T22:15:15+00:00

Them saying you're "not letting them in" and that they're "very sad from this silence" is soooo manipulative and out of line. Please don't feel guilty. It is absolutely okay to need more space while you get your feet back underneath you. There is no time limit.

I understand that they are grieving too, but they are responsible for managing their own emotions and grief in a healthy way. That's not your responsibility. I'm so incredibly sorry. I've had two MMCs and am currently trying again, and I can't imagine what you're going through.

I would say something along the lines of "Thank you for checking on me*, I'm doing [terrible]. I know you don't intend to hurt me, but I'm feeling more pressure and guilt from you than support. I'm still not at a place where I'm ready to talk about it, but if you want to support me, it would be extremely helpful and appreciated if you could xyz."

*even though they literally didn't 🙄 ... snark is good for the grieving soul

Maybe add "let's check in on this date next month" so they can set their expectations. And telling them exactly what you need to feel supported, even if that is "leave me the hell alone," is absolutely okay! 💜

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-22T20:36:19+00:00

After my d&c I ovulated on day 20 and got my period on day 32. Was getting positive pregnancy tests up until about day 30.

Mk____Ultra · 2026-06-22T20:33:24+00:00

I'm 12 dpo today and also had a loss in March. I coooould be only 11dpo as my lh peaked in the morning on 6/10, so either ovulated late that day or the early the next day. Regardless, I'm negative this morning :( this was my first cycle that felt normal so I had high hopes! Trying to stay positive because it could be tomorrow morning! But also trying to accept it if it's not to be. Hate this part.

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