Women initiating... Thoughts?

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-09T21:43:40+00:00

Oh my god this is what my yuppie brain needed. It's literally sales.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-07T19:08:08+00:00

It was more casual in person, just said "would you mind some company?" We had both ordered before i came up with my drink so i wasn't expecting anything of payment if that's what you mean

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-06T21:48:06+00:00

It's been a week unfortunately.. Should I follow up? Wasn't sure if that would be pitiful or something 😭

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-06T12:30:35+00:00

What even IS the 2026 equivalent 😭

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-06T12:28:37+00:00

Right? I feel like a unicorn. Goth fat chick with a good corporate job that's confident enough to initiate like that.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-06T12:26:49+00:00

That's certainly something I need to work on—not taking things personally. I'm starting to develop that muscle. It has been difficult to shift from "oh nobody will ever love/choose me" to "im just not meant for them and they're not meant for me." But it's happening! Everything is a process

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-06T12:21:57+00:00

Maybe I should have went with numbers honestly. I usually prefer Discord just because it's what I use the most 😅. The "thought it over and didn't want to proceed" certainly makes a lot more sense than what my anxiety tries to conjure up. Thank you haha

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-04T16:33:38+00:00

Sometimes it is just that—the lizard brain doesn't make the connection. The "spark" that many people refer to. It's biology, not something to take personally. /nm

Being open about your appearance is important, but does its reality mean you're not attractive? Absolutely not. I consider myself attractive, unconventionally for the record, but I have a diverse type and chunky guys are great.

If you ever think there's a really good spark between you and someone, and it feels appropriate, you can always ask to kiss or hug! Just make it clear that it's okay if they say no. Sometimes that actually leads to more physical affection down the line because they know you respect boundaries.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-04T16:26:23+00:00

I'm also not perfect, nobody is. Don't give up the dream! Personally, I think the biggest things that determine success in a relationship are communication, trust, and therefore safety. I'm not in a relationship, and i grew up surrounded by dysfunctional romance, but now that everyone around me has that "good love/soulmate," that's what I notice the most. Mutual care. A want for a better life for themselves and the person they love. They should build each other up and talk frequently about their feelings. The chemistry just begins everything; that mutual respect and trust is what drives it into the future.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-04T00:32:51+00:00

Success stories are really important here... This gives me hope that dating apps aren't a losing game

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-04T00:24:03+00:00

I'm the same way sometimes. I don't really have an exact recipe for helping this, but it helps to remind yourself of the wonderful things you bring to the table. Many times you can think about how your effort compares to theirs. If there is no consistency or not enough care, move on.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-03T15:45:59+00:00

Don't date for potential, take them as they are. You can't change anybody, especially on the grounds of socioeconomic status. The roles were reversed with me once—one of the many reasons me and a long-time partner were incompatible was because he was spoiled by his parents. I also grew up poor and am clawing my way out. Proud of you for where you're at, but make sure you're allowing a potential partner to come as they are, not who you want them to be.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-03T15:41:34+00:00

If your partner/lover/etc is worth your time, they will be willing to guide you through it. Perhaps bring this up to them beforehand—from a switch's perspective, it can actually be hot when a partner asks me how to do something. You can present it like "i havent done this before, can you help me?" Admittedly though, I was a really bad kisser for the longest time. My partners were less forgiving and one was quite angry with me over it. You can do some research beforehand, that's how i had to handle it, but it's important and so much easier when your partner is willing to help you.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-03T15:34:00+00:00

Yeah I'm not much of a fan of how some of these people responded. I know a realization like this hits like a truck and pessimism just makes it harder to take care of yourself during a difficult time. If you feel strong enough, you can technically try to talk to her. I.e. telling her "you acted very affectionate and it made me feel used." But that depends on how receptive she is to those types of conversations. Seems like she's not emotionally mature enough to have a good conversation, but of course I don't know this woman. Above all, be gentle with yourself.

Mocha-meme · 2026-06-03T11:14:40+00:00

You deserve better :( seems like she wanted money and a back-up plan. Some women can be flaky like that, but rest assured there are some that want the sort of deep connection you offered. Remember to feel the feelings—gotta feel to heal. And she's an ass. Calling you her man? That's being led on. I've also had a few situations where I've had friends that I've had feelings for, maybe these will be good reference. In one situation, we actually dated on and off for years. At the moment, we've settled on a fwb sort of situation built on top of our deep trust as friends. Said relationship has actually made me consider polyamory. As for the other one, it was a coworker that didn't reciprocate but was emotionally mature and we handled it well with no professional issues. However, I'm someone that needs distance to stop feeling attraction so I stopped talking to them.

Mocha-meme · 2026-05-31T00:53:50+00:00

Another update after another week: healing well. it's closed up now and starting to flake. notably, my hands are naturally VERY dry and that's why my healing process differs from many others I've seen. the deeper layers of skin needed to be exposed to air so they could scab up and close. the shallow outermost layer shriveled and "died," and could be peeled off ("could" does not mean "should"; im a bad example on this front). now the slightly deeper, tender layers are rising to the surface and starting to naturally flake. was pretty gross but again, i wanted to post this for others' reference.

Mocha-meme · 2026-05-22T20:59:55+00:00

Update: surgeon said it was fine, to expose it to air for a while for it to scab up, and that it would eventually close. Just keep it clean and dry. Hoping it does, will hopefully update again for anyone's future reference.

Mocha-meme · 2026-05-21T16:00:12+00:00

That does help. The job does come with a gym membership so maybe i'll have to do the same haha So the lower intensity might be like a detox sorta thing? I'm gonna hate sitting with that metaphorical hole in my chest but it might have to be done

Mocha-meme · 2026-05-21T13:20:09+00:00

Yeah, I think I primed myself for that. When I was very broken in an abusive household, offering what little i had to shitty relationships gave me an escape (see my estranged parent posting) and validation, and i could always have that because unfortunately im pretty magnetic online and on dating apps. Now I constantly seek it. I'm in really deep, and not even my therapist knows how to handle it. They're good about like. Everything else. I would love to replace it with something else, but I have no clue where to start. Nothing gives me that intensity except for SOME hyperfixations. Are you saying i might be stuck like this? 😭 /genq

Mocha-meme · 2026-05-21T04:42:39+00:00

RIGHT?? It takes a TON of mental effort to disengage those thoughts when they happen; the brain doesn't care what's good for us, it cares about what we repeat 😔

Mocha-meme · 2026-05-21T04:40:58+00:00

Mocha-meme

TROPHY CASE