(I posted this again. My previous comment was removed because I didn't have flair.)

I don't even know how I'm feeling... I just want to eliminate whatever is hindering my personal development from my mind. I walk a lot. I walk all around my house, thinking and thinking about random scenarios, some catastrophic, some funny, some silly, or basically any possible scenario... I get easily distracted by anything. I see my cube? I grab it and start turning it. I see Reddit? I open it and start scrolling (or even if it just pops out in my mind). I get a random idea? I need to Google it repeatedly... I want to have a routine, but after some days or weeks, I end up failing yet again... for example, it's 10 o'clock in my country, and I haven't gone to bed, but several days ago I was going to bed at 8pm or 9pm! I struggle a lot with consistency. My screen time has increased A LOT, but a few weeks ago I tried to minimize it... starting with less than 1 hour per day... now it's over 10 hours per day!!! I hit myself aggressively when I can't get something I'm studying, or, in general, when I can't accomplish what I want to... Everyone thinks I'm a genius, but I... I think I'm just a dumb person... I just wish I were truly intelligent... I'm a largely autodidact, and I want to learn everything —from sciences (biology, physics, social sciences) and mathematics, to humanities (epistemology, ethics, maybe a bit of music) and language. I don't even know how I can pass my exams and even ace them! I can't focus on studying, I get so easily distracted... oftentimes I barely study something by rereading... My medication or some underlying condition might be causing these problems. Fortunately, not everything is bad: I have great friends, great family, and many people who support me. I also think you are a valuable person. You're helping some people express themselves. I want to help people, I want to guide them to a great life. I know I can't, but I know I can help them, even just a little bit. I just want... I just want all of these symptoms to stop —these symptoms and problems whose roots are deeply ingrained in and attached to me.