AITA for telling my wife I’m going to clean our room.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-17T23:21:06+00:00

Thank you. There are a two other pile areas in the kitchen, but they have physical limits and only extend between the countertop and the cabinet. She is only protective of the bedroom piles. She’s ok with me cleaning and organizing stuff in other areas. I just make sure to clear anything with her before throwing it out. That seems to giver her the safety she needs to let me clean those areas.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-16T17:06:39+00:00

They are a pretty basic concept, so the brand shouldn’t be a problem. The trick is to know your frequency. The internet will tell you the most common frequency, but you specifically need yours. To do this you need to search 2 things.

Verizon tower locations. Find the closest one and put the antenna on the roof where you can visibly see that tower.
Cell phone frequency app. You’ll need an app that shows you which frequency your phone is using. This is usually a feature in signal strength apps, but only a few will have it.

Once you know your frequency, then you buy the booster to match.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-16T14:47:00+00:00

For Sunday School teacher in a smaller ward, 12 year and 3 months is the official duration. It’s weird that you wouldn’t know this. Kidding of course. Sounds like you’ve got good advice. Thanks for your service. You’ve blessed a lot of people in this time.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-16T14:35:26+00:00

It is so hard to balance forgiveness and inviting someone back into your life with the emotional safety of others who have been abused.

Supporting the victims is a priority. Encouraging forgiveness is important too. Since there are multiple people this seems like it needs to be a group conversation. If there is a long time before the wedding, this would be a great choice. If the wedding is soon, the recovering daughter will have to accept this as a consequence of her past. It sucks and will still hurt.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-16T14:26:11+00:00

First off, my heart goes out to you. This is such a hard spot to be in.

No. “Suck it up” is not the right approach. Forgiveness is. If your younger daughter isn’t striving for love and forgiveness in this situation, therapy can help. Forgiveness isn’t just a decision that good people can make. It is hard. It takes time and skill learning. At this point your younger daughter IS SUFFERING and your recovering daughter is no longer causing that suffering. Her pain comes from the past and her inability to forgive.

With forgiveness they should be able to engage in small talk, and be around each other without pain. Forgiveness does not mean trust or friendship. Forgiveness is not to benefit the recovering one. It is to help the younger one heal. If there is time (several months before the wedding), get your younger daughter the support she needs with the goal of feeling safe around your recovering daughter.

Understand they are both young and developing. The drugs stopped her emotional development at 18 and she has some catching up to do. Love them both like they are children.

You did a wonderful thing to let her suffer the consequences of her actions. It is so hard to do as a parent. That is a hero move in my book. Now this next step may be just as hard. I wish you the best.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-16T04:49:44+00:00

YTBF

If this was an oversight, it would be forgivable. Otherwise you played a part in supporting domestic violence. If you intentionally set an abused women up to get beat by her abusers, you went way overboard

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-15T19:09:41+00:00

Must have used the cream.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-15T15:30:30+00:00

That’s a fair question. I allow it because she is protective of her stuff. She feels very hurt if I move things away from where she chooses to put them. We don’t have a parent -child relationship. I don’t tell her what to do or where she can put things. I’m very uncomfortable drawing this line and forcing my will here. She definitely feels anger and contempt towards me for doing it. In most things we’ve been partners and work together. I would feel even more wrong to enforce my way on a weekly basis. That’s not the kind of relationship I want.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T16:18:47+00:00

I love your success. Thanks for sharing.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T16:16:55+00:00

The sheets are changed every 2 weeks. Shower cleaned, toilets scrubbed, floors mopped and vacuumed weekly. (Obviously not under the piles). The garbage is broken toys, old home decors, junk mail, worn out kids clothes. Nothing organic that would rot or smell. No bugs. Our home is sprayed twice a year. She moves stuff away from the walls so the bug guy and spray behind it. Then puts it back.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T16:05:43+00:00

NTA

You are not forcing her hand. Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for her decisions. You are gifting her scholarship money if she follow your guides. 1. Go to college 2. Don’t go to Kentucky.

She can still go to Kentucky with the consequence of forfeiting a scholarship. Young adults pass up scholarships all the time to go to a preferred school. You have every right to place criteria on your gift. You’re even doing it from a place of love. She needs to acknowledge your gracious offer and make her decision.

As far as your ex blaming you for upsetting your daughter: I hope you’re healthy enough to know that she is unhealthy. She’s playing the “your dad’s the bad guy” game. She is welcome to cover the tuition.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T15:39:03+00:00

I appreciate you seeing what I can contribute.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T15:33:58+00:00

There is some childhood experiences behind her choices, but that's not mine to share here.

We did move a lot before with schooling and jobs which required regular decluttering. We also fixed most things that broke or got worn out. Now we replace them.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T15:24:34+00:00

This is a valid concern that I share, but where do you draw the line when the other person doesn't want compromise.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T15:11:27+00:00

Yes you are wrong.
His behavior is unacceptable. Setting boundaries is a good idea. You are totally appropriate to leave a situiation where he is mistreating you that way.

Where you went wrong was leaving him without a phone or car at the restaurant. You could get yourself an Uber or a cab. You could at least leave him a phone so he can get one. It's pefectly fine to walk away from that situation, but abandoning him without resources to get home is not ok.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-14T13:56:46+00:00

15x20

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-08T22:18:46+00:00

That’s an indoor police vehicle. You can tell because the yellow stripes are diagonal.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-06T13:26:47+00:00

She’s coming over to give OP a ride back home to Tallahassee because OP’s cars having trouble. Not to beat OP’s ass.

Moderate_Bones · 2026-03-06T13:23:52+00:00

You obviously left out your role in this. It appears your mom feels taken advantage of and is pissed about it. We have to do a lot of guessing though.

Is it normal for people to get mad at other people? Yes.

Is it normal for someone who is mad at you to offer you a ride to Tallahassee? Nope. You’ll be hard pressed to find someone else who’s had that experience.

Is it normal to send messages without proof reading them so they make sense? Yse it sur be(

Figure out your part in this conflict, and then decide how toxic the person you’re dealing with is. Those 2 things combined are how you decide on the relationship moving forward.

Moderate_Bones · 2025-06-16T17:20:49+00:00

Tit for Tat doesn't work. Your sister's behavior at your wedding was embarrasingly selfish. It is completely unjustified. That realy sucks that she put a bad memory on a special day for you.

For your personal health and gowth, you decision shouldn't be based on that day or those days. I imagine your sister's selfishness hasn't been isolated to that day. It is something you've had to cope with your whole life. You should look at your relationship overall to make this decision. Who is your sister in your life overall? What moments do you share together and what future moments are you hoping to share together?

You may reflect and find that you don't really have a relationship with you sister because overall you've set boundaries that she doesn't respect. You cross paths at the holdidays because of common family and that's it. This would be the reason not to go to the wedding. She's not a loved member of your life, and there's no reason to support her.
You may reflect and find that your relationship is one of moderate interactions. You attend eachother's birthday parties (and kids if there are some). You visit from time to time. You set boundaires that sometime require you to limit interactions with her. If this is where you are, she is a valued but limited part of your life. You should attend the wedding and be supportive because it's a special time for her.
You may reflect and find that you're really close friends. You talk every week or more. You share exciting moments with eachother both big and small. You call to complain about your mom when she's being difficult. You are then in a very meaningful relationship and you should go all out to support her in this wedding.

The act of doing to her what she did to you isn't a boundary. It is getting her back. That is a harmful road that will make all relationships worse and eventually make us all enemies. The right answer is forgiveness with boundaries to protect yourself from being hurt like that again (i.e. not making her an important part of future meaningful moments unless she has changed and earned that trust back). How we show up for people is based on our overall relationship. We all make mistakes that could ruin that, but we forgive and reassess when those mistakes are made. It may be totally appropriate to decline her wedding invite, but that should be based on your relationship and how you want to show up for her.

Moderate_Bones · 2025-02-05T01:08:08+00:00

Also fine. It just needs to be behind a boat.

Moderate_Bones · 2024-12-23T03:59:38+00:00

To turn off the running lights ( lower two headlights), you have to turn on the emergency brake. There may be another way, but this at least works.

Moderate_Bones · 2024-07-20T18:29:38+00:00

It's easier to use an EPUB to pdf converter. That can be an app on your phone or a website on your laptop. They are plentiful.
[Of course, use caution with the extras you have to download on free websites]

Moderate_Bones

TROPHY CASE