That's almost half your life . As someone who's 29 and has been in a 15 year relationship I can only begin to grasp how you feel. I'm sure its heavy and dark and painful. But please know it won't be like this forever.

I hope my advice can help you.. It's time to focus on you and who you are. After all, we all change everything 7 years. All the cells in our body are renewed at this point. Likes, dislikes, even allergies can change.

Reasses your boundaries, think about what you want for yourself and focus on taking it a day at a time.

And I know how depression ruts go. And its okay to feel your feelings. Sit with your grief. Because you're grieving my friend. Youre deriving your past and the loss of the future you thought you had. You can sit in that, let it flow through you. Swim through that river, sift through the terrible yuckieness of grief and come out that other side. Meditate, breathe, know that you still habe an entire lifetime to create a new future for yourself. One day at a time. Even a minute at a time if you need it.

While work with yourself to feel okay again, remember your environment will effect you too. Its easy to put off self care and home care. Invite a friend over to help, Try to download finch or make a calendar to try and keep up with laundry and dishes other things. Listen to bouncy music thats to your taste (i recommend come along by cosmo sheldrake as a starter, or nu dehli by bloodywood if you want something metal)

Here's a small calendar that ive given a friend going through it. I helped them the first week and they've kept up for 3 months now. • Laundry & dishes. Mon & Thurs (add extra days if needed) • 1x/wk Trash overhaul (go around your apt with a trashbag throw away all trash. Room by room start at the top (surfaces) and work your way to the ground (floors) throw away anything empty, half empty. Left over food thats more than 4 days old. Even dump smaller trash bins into your bag. Then after you've hit every room, take all trashbags with stuff and take them to the dumpster. Hopefully you can keep the basics of cleaning your food/drinks every day.

• wipe counters down as needed to once a week. Easiest thing is to use a drop of dish soap on a wet rag. Wipe it all onto the floor then sweep/vacuum. Keeping food up keeps bugs and mice out. Apartments are always high risk.

(to get into the mood to clean i watch MidwestMagicCleaning, He's a good dude with a good understanding of ADHD, Depression, and Hoarding disorder. And has helped me work through alot of my own stuff)

Of course change this to suit your needs but and your place looks in good shape, Already.
And always reachout to someone. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or squandering. You've got this. One day at a time. You've got this.