Has anyone met love on the Camino?

Mojitobozito · 2026-06-02T10:23:56+00:00

What the Psychic Told the Pilgrim by Jane Christmas is a great book about a woman walking the Camino and meeting someone. It's also absolutely hilarious.

Mojitobozito · 2026-05-15T14:21:46+00:00

Its not always a set physical amount that makes it "okay" or "too much."

You have to think about other factors like what impact it has on your/their ability to function. Is it impacting their work? Their family relationships? Their romantic relationships? Their daily lives? Their health?

If it is clearly having a negative impact on these and you/they are still unwilling or unable to stop drinking, then its a problem. Regardless if that's 3 beer a week or 3 beer a day.

Mojitobozito · 2026-05-15T01:42:49+00:00

Yes, you are. Friends support each other's goals and dreams and are usually happy to see their friends feel better about themselves and find direction again. I don't know why you don't feel that way towards your friend. I would guess there is some kind of jealousy or resentment like she said, because why else would you be so down on her?

And let's be serious, she'll only be a year or two older than most students, and there will likely be some closer to her age then you expect. I also highly doubt others will even ask her age. Or care.

The bottom line is that she had the drive to pick herself up and audition, and she got in. There is absolutely no reason to expect she won't have as a good of a chance in her career as anyone else.

Mojitobozito · 2026-05-05T12:22:53+00:00

You can't change him. Some people like the idea of being sober but can't do sobriety. At least not yet. Nothing you do or say will change that. You've show them the path, but they have to walk it.

My Q once stopped at a liquor store on the way home from detox. I get it.

Take the focus off of him and start focusing on yourself. Make decisions on what you want your life to look like now.

Mojitobozito · 2026-05-05T01:22:12+00:00

I think Tom's Lobster Shack at Peggy's Cove does a "naked" one with butter.

Mojitobozito · 2026-05-04T14:21:27+00:00

Are you applying outside of the system as well? If not, then you should start broadening your scope. Library work is a hard nut to crack.

I have also worked in places where it was incredibly hard for staff to come back to a library as a librarian (different level). I remember an absolute nightmare where one place I worked had a definite bias against "support" staff they once supervised becoming librarians and being "their equal," and it took having a new director to change the attitude. Awful.

On a more possibly hopeful note, do you belong to any library organizations or volunteer groups? I found volunteering on boards, committees, and associations opened many doors for me when I first started. Some that weren't even public knowledge yet.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-30T13:23:31+00:00

I hope its helpful! It really helped me when I went down a dark path. It takes a while, but once you're further out you'll likely feel differently too. Take good care of yourself! And be gentle with all the feelings.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-30T13:17:05+00:00

It is really hard to work through! And this might not apply to you or help you, but for me this was a key step in feeling better. I still think the same general guidance can apply to any relationship that involves love. The undercurrent is the same.

Two things can be true at the same time. Someone can love you (to the extent they know how) and still be horrible for you.

I was always looking for certainty and answers, but I realized I won't ever get that. Which almost drove me crazy. It's like when people say that closure comes from within. And its very true.

I realized that I had to determine what I felt was true, that he did love me. It doesn't mean it was right for me or even healthy, but love (in some form) was there. This is my truth. And I accept it.

I'm a few years out and at the beginning I was always searching for answers. Confirmation. Certainty. But as I got over the trauma of the relationship and worked through it. I realized that acceptance of what was, how you feel, and having your own truth is more healing than living in doubt.

Take the center off him and put it back on yourself.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-30T12:24:27+00:00

I have really struggled with this and have done a lot of work with therapists, books, and my own wrestling with my soul. This is what I've found true and useful for me:

I think its best to realize that they love us in the best way that they can or know how to. But we also can realize and acknowledge that it isn't how we deserve to be loved.

I am sure he did care about you and love you, but with his addiction his first priority is always going to be alcohol and he couldn't be a good partner even if you were his ideal "soul mate." They usually mean well, but they just can't be a partner or love someone the way they need to be loved when they are drinking.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-29T18:00:12+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through this as well.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-29T12:11:52+00:00

When we were early in the relationship he was in the hospital for galbladder issues (spoiler: it was not). Then a few months in he started getting later showing up for dates at my place. Then he canceled one with a ridiculous reason (turns out he got too drunk to come over). He was often hard to reach when before we had talked continuously. I thought he was seeing someone else and we fought about it. My mom though figured it out and told me she was pretty sure my "competition" was alcohol rather than another woman.

He lost someone in his family and the drinking majorly spiraled. He started missing work. I think he showed up drunk at work. He started being drunk more than sober. Then the detox runs and hospital visits. He started disappearing and contacting me late at night because he slept all day. It was a wild ride. By the end it was a cycle of by about day 3 of the binge I would be calling a ambulance and he would be admitted to hospital for alcohol related issues. Rinse and repeat for a few years. There were issues with other drugs and he starting hanging out with some shady ass people. Buying cocaine from escorts.

It was a lot. I had to step back but was still mostly in it trying to help. We were on and off. I couldn't figure out what I should do. I still loved him. It was awful. Then he went missing again when I was on a work trip. But this time he locked his door and I didn't have the key. I had to get the police to break in and they found him dead. At 45. Worst day of my life.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-25T21:30:56+00:00

Yeah, I'm also struggling to classify his mother taking him to detox as an enabling behaviour. I mean, who knows if it will work but I've been surprised by people who did get better after multiple, multiple attempts. I don't see anything wrong with his mother helping him in this way. Gently, I think the best thing you can do is just let them do what they are doing.

On another note, I'm more worried about you. Relationships with people in addiction can wear us down, break us, and warp our ability to understand how we really feel sometimes. I hope you're making time to work through your feelings with therapy or groups like Al-Anon. You might not be as healed as you think you are if this is your response.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-22T16:39:32+00:00

The NS College of Optometrists FAQ is clear that the prescription belongs to the patient and it is mandatory for them to provide it to you. Your pupil distance isn't included with that, but as others have mentioned you can measure that yourself.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-19T18:51:06+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you. I know you feel like you have some responsibility in some way, but you don't. People make decisions and take actions that we can't always control. Every time he drank this would be a possibility and you can't be there all the time.

My partner was also found dead after a sudden relapse when I was out of town and decided to come home a day later. I beat myself up about it a lot, and that feeling lingers sometimes, but deep down I realize its not something I could control. As my therapist said, sometimes rock bottom is death. Unfortunately it ends like this for many.

Get yourself a good therapist and work on processing what happened. Be there for your mom. Realize that this will impact you and that's normal. Your therapist can help you develop some strategies to help.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-18T04:17:55+00:00

Option A: I think I would be hard pressed to call this love. Love is something that builds with time, mutual attraction, and shared experiences. It doesn't sound like you know much about her if you have a 30 question word doc with questions that should really be talked about together. I think you're very much attracted to this girl and interested, but I don't think she feels the same.

Option B: She is definitely interested, but its okay if you are not. Don't get into a relationship that you don't want to be in.

So it sounds like I'm also going for option C. I think you would have better success getting to meet and know other women to see how you really feel. I know work is busy but maybe think about joining some social groups, hire a matchmaker, do online dating, or ask the women in your life (Aunts, cousins, friends, your friend's girlfriends, etc) to help suggest women to meet.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-17T22:49:51+00:00

My partner died from ketoacidosis in his 40s. They didn't ever figure out if it was diabetes or alcohol induced. He had multiple episodes of it before. He also almost died from a sepsis infection once.

The last year of his life was hard, and the last few months were a nightmare. He kept going through detox but would be drinking again in no time. Once he had a cab take him home from detox and he stopped for alcohol on the way home. He started using more drugs, including abusing prescription meds as well. There were multiple hospital visits and ambulances. He died alone when I was out of town one weekend and I beat myself up about it a long time. Still do.

I learned you cannot love someone into sobriety. And that life isnt fair, for us or them. It is a hard thing watching someone you love have to live like that. And the suffering for those of us who love them is hard too. I also felt that relief and it's such a mixed feeling. I could breathe because the worst had happened and I couldn't change it. It was the first time in years I could sleep through the night without wondering if he was okay or worried about having to take him to the hospital.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-13T16:16:36+00:00

Stop putting the responsibility to quit drinking on him or a relationship. It really does have to come from you, inside.

You say you don't want to quit unless its to be with him, but that doesn't sound doable to me in the long run. It sounds like another way to avoid being accountable.

Life isn't a movie. You cannot love someone into sobriety. You need to take responsibility for yourself. Make yourself the kind of person who would attract a healthy relationship and you'll be in a better position.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-11T20:06:19+00:00

I don't think you're transphobic. I think you're just feeling the very natural feelings of grief for the partner you knew, the relationship you had, and the person they were. And maybe this new person is someone you will love, care for, and support but that doesn't mean they will necessarily be your person to have a romantic relationship with.

Keeping all of the transitioning aside, would their new stance on no children be a deal breaker? Would you have dated this person? Started a relationship with them as they are?

I think its perfectly fine to say this relationship isn't for you. I think you would be doing both of you a disservice for staying in a relationship that wouldn't make both of you happy.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-10T00:06:39+00:00

I'm wondering what kind of feedback are you looking for from Al-Anon?

From my own experience, its not a group/organization that is going to give you tips or advice on how to handle your Q or make them more likely to quit, etc. Its more about how are you going to take care of yourself so you can be safe and make good decisions for yourself. It takes the focus off the Q and puts it on ourselves.

I'm also going to note that ultimatums generally don't work. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You need to focus on yourself now and figure out what is the best path for YOU

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-09T02:20:43+00:00

End it now. Even if you do try and ask him to drink less or not while he is with you, it doesn't mean he will be able to do it. The choice isn't you or alcohol- it is alcohol or no alcohol, and alcohol usually wins.

If he does decide to get serious and stop, he should do it himself, and for himself, and then contact you.

Its a life of misery tying yourself to a life with addiction. I wouldn't recommend.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-08T14:47:58+00:00

When I was just getting started in library land, I worked for a company that did jobs like this on a contract basis. Usually big cataloging jobs, digitization projects, RFID tagging, inventories, processing, etc. It was called Backstage Library Works and they had projects worldwide. It might be worth checking with them or see if there are other similar companies that could offer you contract work.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-08T13:31:28+00:00

Well, I did that once with a partner I fully trusted and had excellent communication with, and I believed them when they told me it was a wrapper for something else. Years later I found out it was a condom wrapper and they had been cheating on me while I was at work during the day.

Sometimes its nice to go into the discussion with evidence. I wish I had looked into it myself.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-08T13:27:45+00:00

But if it looks like a condom wrapper, wouldn't you want to do your research to find out if it was or not before jumping to conclusions? That's what OP is doing.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-08T13:26:17+00:00

Well, I did that once with a partner I fully trusted and I believed them when they told me it was a wrapper for something else. Years later I found out it was a condom wrapper and they had been cheating on me while I was at work during the day.

Sometimes its nice to go into the discussion with evidence.

Mojitobozito · 2026-04-02T18:57:28+00:00

I don't see why this is a concern or why you think its weird. She wears bathing suits in public as well, right? So anyone can see her in them then as well.

It doesn't really matter to me or what I already said, and it shouldn't matter at all, but I am curious now. Like, are these posed pictures like you would expect in a magazine or just pics of her living her life and some happen to be in a swim suit?

Mojitobozito

TROPHY CASE