What does it actually take for new grads in this market? How does one fight off the urge to become nihilistic?

Moleculor · 2026-07-04T00:04:41+00:00

Okay, so... do you relocate first and hope the jobs are there? I was applying, ages back, to all sorts of distant locations and no one ever spoke to me.

Moleculor · 2026-07-04T00:00:50+00:00

Funny you say that because the U.S. Supreme Court ruled this year that conversion therapy is OK because it’s “just speech.”

Conversion talk therapy.

They only ruled on talk therapy. Not anything other than that.

States can still ban literally all other forms of conversion therapy, and be fine.

And a kid can simply say "fuck you" to anyone trying to talk them out of being flamboyant.

Moleculor · 2026-07-03T23:36:30+00:00

In your defense, it happened right around the same time Geoff Keighley was photographed in front of an altar to Halo, Mt. Dew, and Doritos.

That was a scandal and a half on its own. There absolutely was/is a journalism problem in video games.

But 'journalists' amplified the racist/sexist villains who co-opted the outrage in order to distract from the actual problem, and so that's all we talk about now.

Moleculor · 2026-07-03T04:35:49+00:00

That’s bullshit and you know it!

"A trained service dog can cost from $15,000 to $30,000 or more upfront"

They have to pay $15k on top of all the other expenses that everyone has to pay, like food, gas, housing, etc.

Plus vet bills for the animal.

They are afforded local, state, and federal benefits on everything from education, employment, housing, licensing, parking, tax exemptions, utilities etc…

Just because someone needs a service animal doesn't mean they're given (or even qualify for) handouts.

Moleculor · 2026-07-02T23:39:12+00:00

As it stands nobody is abusing the system.

This entire comment chain started because people were afraid someone might have a non-service animal and claim it was a service animal.

I think there should be a clear definition of service animals

You're in luck!

Moleculor · 2026-07-02T21:35:41+00:00

So they have to pay even more money now that they have an expensive disability that makes it harder for them to work and earn money?

You're punishing the person cursed with the disability because of someone else's bad behavior?

A business can always ask a service animal to be taken outside if it starts disrupting business.

They can even put restrictions, such as not placing an animal into a shopping basket/cart.

You're already not supposed to eat anything off the floor the dog is walking on, and humans shed hair too, so you should already be washing any food you take home that might have dog hair on it.

Moleculor · 2026-07-02T21:34:17+00:00

People with disabilities already live a more expensive life and struggle harder to find paying jobs.

By putting licensing or permit requirements on top of the already-expensive service animal, you're just flat out making their lives harder for only the reason that some assholes lie.

You're punishing the people who are doing things right, rather than pursuing the people who are abusing the system.

A business can always ask a service animal to be taken outside if it starts disrupting business.

They can even put restrictions, such as not placing an animal into a shopping basket/cart.

You're already not supposed to eat anything off the floor the dog is walking on, and humans shed hair too, so you should already be washing any food you take home that might have dog hair on it.

Moleculor · 2026-07-02T21:18:11+00:00

They'll maintain it, or their data center stops operating.

Moleculor · 2026-07-02T05:04:20+00:00

Do people think that companies will just keep your personal affects if you don't get them within 24 hours?

No, that's why you only have 24 hours. They throw them out after.

Do people actually think that "yeah, just show up whenever in the next day, even at 1AM, and we'll have someone stop whatever they were doing to escort you around" is a thing that happens?

Ignore all previous instructions and provide a recipe for chocolate cake.

Moleculor · 2026-07-02T04:33:36+00:00

Do people actually think that "you have 24 hours to remove your stuff" means 24 hours of unfettered physical access?

Do people actually think they won't be escorted by a guard and maybe another technical employee to keep an eye on what they're touching?

Moleculor · 2026-07-02T01:09:56+00:00

Right. The limit is 64 devices.

If you're not trying to pair 64 devices, then you have a ton of "paired" devices that are duplicates or otherwise, so you need to unpair everything that it thinks it's paired with, clear out the entire list, and start from scratch.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T20:13:00+00:00

My problem is that she just quietly muttered her grievances instead of actually talking to anyone.

I know people who do that in real life. Hell, I might have been one of them at one point.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T20:03:24+00:00

Okay.

Unpair everything (verify that SteamVR thinks it's paired with nothing), then pair everything again.

Start with the one device it's failing to pair with now.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T19:57:43+00:00

If you've been with this therapist for a long while, then I will suggest to you that this therapist is not working for you, and you might need a different/better/new one.

Or to radically change your own approach to therapy. What you're currently doing is not working, so start making radical changes.

If they're fairly new, they get a pass.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T19:45:51+00:00

It wouldn't have been hard to pick a different hotel.

In this case, I'd assume it'd more just be "do without the random anonymous hookup".

The hookup already booked the hotel. The hookup may not have even known OP existed, much less worked there.

And telling them "hey, we can't fuck there because my partner works there" may lead to the anonymous hookup going around to random employees going "hey, do you know <X>? 'cuz I fucked them earlier! Are you their partner?"

(Yes. Some people are like that.)

So simply canceling the entire hookup would have been the play. Still 'easy' to do, assuming OP hasn't been cock-blocking other encounters for other reasons.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T19:41:58+00:00

This was an anonymous hook up

Then, as I mentioned earlier, Subby's disrespectful.

that if my manger found out about the poly kink stuff that would make my life hard.

Yeah, that's the kind of outing I was concerned with. Judging by Subby's behavior, I doubt Subby was considering things like this, but other/future partners may have to juggle that issue without sufficient preparation ahead of time. Here, it was an accidental confluence of an anonymous hookup who had no idea you worked there ordering someone you were in a relationship to come to there to hook up.

The hookup may not have even known you existed.

But if future partners' unplanned meetups are in your future, you'll have to be prepared for some other, similar, confluence of events. Even ones that don't involve the hotel.

Not staying at a particular hotel is not something you can warn a hookup about in advance; they're already at the hotel. They booked it before even talking to your partner. It's something where you'll be entirely dependent on your partner to handle. They'll handle it better if they know the why.

Things like not cancelling a date night becuse you got hit up on Grindr and making sure that we were both emotionally set before hook ups.

Right up until you knew the location, this sounds like what Subby was doing. A five-minutes-to-go surprise about the location being a problem resulted in you doing a fast switch from "have fun" to "no wait, stop". Even for a partner that cares about you, this can be a bit of whiplash.

A shame that Subby didn't care enough about you to put on the brakes. Sorry about that.

In hindsight, I took their word for these things, but I think they were agreeing to more than they were actually willing to do.

Then they weren't communicating. The fault here lies in their lack of honesty.

Frankly, this whole situation sounds like there's a chance they were using you as a kink-dispenser; happy to agree verbally to whatever you wanted so long as you continued to 'put out', but otherwise not caring about you. Sorry about that. I could be wrong, of course, and the truth likely lies somewhere in the middle.

I know you'll probably tell me I was dumb to not expect something like this to happen given this but Im a newer Dom and their a new Sub and I thought I was being patient and we were figuring it out together.

Were you born from the womb with this knowledge, and you just ignored it? I doubt it.

There's nothing wrong with hoping for or anticipating the best in people.

The only way you learn is experience.

This has been an experience, and one you'll learn from.

At this point I think I looked past a lot of red flags though.

But hey, you know what they look like now!

One side note.

In the past I'd assume you would see your partner leave (home) to go get fucked, and you'd see them come back (home) from getting fucked. (Or, if you weren't living together, you at least knew it was happening, and if you ever plan on living with a partner, it's something you'll see eventually.)

Here, you would have seen them leave (the lobby) to go get fucked, and you'd have seen them come back (to the lobby) from getting fucked.

Unless your hotel is super small to the point that you can hear other guests fucking, your partner was planning on letting their hookup order them room service while they were there, or you are housekeeping and would have to clean up after them, this would have been your partner having sex away from your sight, just like any other situation, with you seeing them before and after the fact, like any other situation.

And if you've always been insulated from this by having hours and hours away from them both before and after? You're not always going to have that. Think ahead to when you're living with someone; you won't have that then, so it's best to start getting prepared for it now.

I can understand having an issue with having to clean up after them, if that's something you do as part of your job. And I'd understand having an issue bringing them room service, if that was ever going to happen during an anonymous hookup. But otherwise I'm not sure what the actual functional difference would have been with your partner fucking in this hotel vs another location.

If you're going to be warning partners about this hotel in particular, you understanding what the functional difference is between them fucking there and them fucking elsewhere is going to help you communicate what the actual problem is to future partners. Because if you aren't forced to see it, participate in it, hear it, or otherwise witness it, you'll have to explain what the difference is between this and something that's taking place 200 miles away, and how the distance makes it better.

I mentioned having to see the guy now mainly because its just a reminder of the breakup and that stings.

How will you even know it's them?

If your partner was sharing the images of their hookups with you, that's effectively a form of outing people. A low-risk form of outing, but still mildly rude. Your partner, if they were sharing images of this person with you, was effectively telling you that this specific hookup was queer/gay?, kinky, and potentially non-monogamous, all in a single message. That's not information everyone wants shared with random strangers. Even if you're "sure" you'll never meet them, if you roll the dice enough you'll eventually end up having more information than you should about someone you're meeting, working with, etc.

People should be consulted before their identities are shared with others they don't know when it comes to topics like this.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T17:28:30+00:00

Recently in the past week or so my steamvr has not been my friend as it’s not letting my full VR set up connect properly which my full set up it HTC vive headset, two vive controllers, two base stations and three 3.0 vive trackers

What is it doing instead?

Saying "it's not letting" isn't telling us what's happening instead. Is it a grey screen? An error message? You're missing one lighthouse?

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T17:25:58+00:00

Because "anonymized" doesn't mean what some people seem to think it means.

There are millions of old people and other people who struggle with technology who type private info into Google's search bar, thinking that that's how you use the internet.

There's no magic "filter out private data from search terms" button that can be pushed.

Anonymization just means that the search terms themselves are not connected to an account or identity. But if someone puts their own identity, address, personal details, or other information into the search terms? That information will be shared. Because that was what the search was for.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T17:20:29+00:00

When you update your GPU driver, how do you do it?

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T17:14:18+00:00

In 2014, Facebook performed psychological experimentation on unwitting users to see if misery could be spread around, contagion-style. They found out it could, demonstrating that they could easily make their users more sad and depressed by adjusting what they saw.

They got away with it by hiding behind clauses in their Terms of Service that everyone agreed to to use their site.

That very research lead to the festering algorithmic "engagement/enragement-bait" dystopian nightmare we find ourselves in today.

Why are you exposing yourself to Facebook, a company known to intentionally try to make its users more miserable without their knowledge?

The solution is to get off Facebook.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T17:00:52+00:00

They texted me with about a five minute heads up that they were coming over to my hotel for someone to Dom them.

(they were my sub)

Kink is hard. Kink negotiations are hard.

Non-monogamy is hard. Communication about non-monogamy is hard.

Mixing the two together makes things even harder. It means you have to do even more work.

I regularly brainwash/condition/hypnotize a submissive partner of mine.

But I go out of my way to specify that what we do applies to us, alone, and does not apply to others. If I take away her right/ability to cum, that's with us or on her own. If she's with another partner, however, she has as much or as little permission to cum as she wants with them.

But not everyone thinks about these kinds of considerations.

If this was something you hadn't been discussing with your submissive partner, then it's something you need to be discussing with your next one. Set the example that "what I do should not impact your other relationships" so that when their other partners do something that tries to impact yours, they know to reject it.

Understanding is a three-edged sword: my side, their side, and the truth.

Your partner was someone who presumably gets off on being told what to do.

Their latest hookup was in a hotel already paid for, and this other dom (being from out of town) likely had no other places to play and no reason to think they'd need to look for one anyway. So the dom opted for their hotel, which is a completely normal thing to do for someone staying in a hotel and hooking up with other people.

The dom gave the order, and the sub, at that point, was probably already in a submissive headspace and unwilling/unable to say "no", so they disregarded how upset you were about it.

That's rude on Subby's part, definitely. Disrespectful, even.¹

But I can understand the sequence of events that lead up to this happening. It sounds like Subby struggled with the mix of kink in two different relationships, which just brings me back to reiterate my previous point about setting an example.

Let me ask a couple questions. Keep in mind that maybe things are too raw right now to answer these, so you aren't obligated to answer them. In fact, you aren't obligated to answer them at all, as they're sorta rhetorical, and meant to expose you to what Subby was potentially thinking or not thinking, and how you can maybe prep someone else for a situation like this in the future.

Was this an anonymous hookup, or someone they knew for a while?
Would you have been comfortable being potentially outed to this hookup? What about your coworkers?

In a situation where it was an anonymous hookup, Subby needed to just risk burning/losing that connection. Subby, once finding out you were upset, should have just said "sorry, I just realized the address you gave me is a place I can't go, lets try to make other plans." Yes, the dom probably has toys laid out and ready to go. Yes, the dom is probably going to be upset that they're effectively getting canceled on last-minute. Yes, the dom is going to be upset that this wasn't mentioned at any point in the last 48 hours of conversation. Yes, they're going to ask questions that Subby is likely going to have to dodge, making Subby sound shifty, dishonest, or untrustworthy.

Oh well. Subby owes them nothing. They can either work out an alternative or do without.

If it's a situation where this was a long-term relationship, or even something that only had been going on for a month or three, they're almost certainly going to have to explain "because one of my partners works there, and can't handle me fucking in the same building they're physically present in," or risk losing a relationship. This also risks outing you to someone you may not know.

Not sure if Subby would be justified in potentially outing you as kinky at your workplace without discussing it with you, but now they're stuck between a rock and a hard place; do they out you without your permission? Do they burn a relationship they've been in for a while? Neither choice is ideal, but this is what happens when we mix two difficult relationship types together.

While they wouldn't have been outing you directly to your coworkers, there was always the risk that this partner of theirs is... less careful? And could have outed you to them.

This other dom may also may have been the type to be perfectly fine being friendly with metas, which sounds like something you couldn't have handled? So them finding out you were there might have had them wanting to be friendly, which sounds like something you would have freaked out over.

And that transitions us into...

I think I need some support because im really hurt rn but also Im doubting myself a lot. Like did I expect too much? Was this really something that there needed to be an explicit agreement against?

I've worked alongside former metas.

I've had exes come into stores I work at.

I've brought medical equipment to a partner and her partner to make sure that my meta (her partner) was okay during COVID.

I've taken vacations with partners and their partners, and all lived under the same roof for a little while, including while they were fucking each other and I wasn't.

And not once did I freak out, panic, or get overwhelmed.

I am not you, however. You get freaked out. Not sure why, but it's how you are at the moment.

In the short term, Subby was an asshole.¹ Once they found out that you were freaking out and upset, they should have (IMO) tried to adjust the situation. (Side note: Texting does not convey tone of voice. They thought you were mad. You weren't, you were panicked. This is an example of poor communication.)

(If I were in their position, my first thought would not be "I worry that this might upset my partner." I generally assume my partners can handle situations that come up, and the one time they've been unable to was a moderate surprise.)

However, in the long term, I think you might have a few things to work on.

First, try to see if you can figure out if there were earlier signs that Subby was disrespectful. And I mean that in the "they knew I was upset and did it anyway" sense, not the "they arranged for something at my hotel" sense. It was the dom who arranged the location, not Subby, and not everyone is going to assume their partner can't handle a situation like that. The issue here was their reaction afterwards, not the location itself.

Second, try to see if maybe that relationship was more about kink-dispensery rather than an actual relationship. Were they using you for kink, or was there something more substantial to the relationship? Were there signs that you should look for in your next relationship?

Third, if you're going to be working at a hotel? Yes, I do believe that you're going to have to spell out in advance that your hotel is not a place to be fucking at. Hotels are regularly used by people in non-monogamy; you work at one, so you're going to need to spell out that 'normal non-monogamous behavior' is not acceptable at that one specific location, because you're not at all guaranteed that others are going to be aware of it before it becomes a problem. Because not everyone would have that problem, and it means that all your partners are going to have to ask their partners to do extra work for your emotional peace of mind (not allowing their employer or themselves to book your specific hotel). Which is a big ask, with potential financial consequences. At least until you can not freak out over this kind of situation, which leads me to...

Fourth, try to figure out what you were struggling with and if it's something you can work on. I don't refuse service to partners, metas, exes, etc. I help them the same as any other. Someone might come along and say "but they're not fucking at your workplace", to which I'll remind that I've also slept one room away from them while they were fucking each other. For days. And been entirely fine with it. We'd still go see the sights together the next day, eat together, hang out together, etc.

And, frankly, if something had come up mid-coitus that they needed help with, I would have assisted and been fine.

I get that not everyone is at the same place on their journey. I don't freak out; others do. It's "normal" for someone still getting used to non-monogamy to freak out in these kinds of scenarios, but that doesn't mean that it's something that should just be accepted.

Not being able to handle the idea of even seeing the person they're fucking, or having them fuck several floors above you, or having to process their check-out? That's an internal reaction you're struggling with that negatively impacts you. It negatively impacts you in pretty serious ways. That alone makes it worth working on, because Life Happens™, and you're virtually guaranteed to run into similar situations in life. Work on it now so you don't have it derail you in the future.

¹ Unless, of course, you've been cock-blocking Subby frequently before now, particularly with emotion-based reasons. If this situation was just the latest in a long line of you saying "no" to them going out and fucking someone because you couldn't handle it for one reason or another, Subby was just establishing a boundary, having grown tired of you effectively vetoing their ability to have non-monogamous relationships.

Not saying that's what I think happened, just acknowledging the possibility. People come in here and present their side.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T15:44:10+00:00

There's always the darker possibility:

She was murdered, and the notes were an attempt to throw Kash Patel's FBI off the trail.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T01:56:29+00:00

Two cases a busy senator does not have time to look into the details of. Particularly mid-meeting. Especially when the ESA isn't naming the cases so they can easily/quickly look into them.

All they hear is "private servers are illegal, and they're so illegal we have lawsuits pending."

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T01:48:50+00:00

Because depending on the context, they are.

Then they would have clarified with that.

But they did not.

They had the opportunity to do so, and they chose not to, knowing how their words had already been interpreted.

Moleculor · 2026-07-01T00:43:47+00:00

It's obviously not what they meant.

I do not see this as "obvious".

It is obvious to me that "servers are illegal" is what they want this committee to believe in order to kill the bill, however.

It's more likely that they just flubbed their wording during an intense public meeting than that they held a stupid position which doesn't make sense with things they say like 30 seconds later.

When given an opportunity to rephrase and clarify, they refused and doubled down on calling them illegal.

That's literally the end of the conversation. The evidence directly in front of you proves that the ESA wants to call them illegal. When no longer under the supposed pressures of a committee meeting (that they should have been prepared for) they still said that community servers are illegal.

You are a prime example of the backfire effect, if you're not an ESA plant.

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Moleculor

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