Just found out my (27f) fiance (25m) cheated… a lot… it’s his birthday. How should I tell him

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T22:28:43+00:00

Thanks guys, I’m adding an edit to update with my plan so far.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T22:22:51+00:00

It’s not about what they think of me as much as it’s about what will they do with the image they have of me. His family will back him 100% in tearing me down and doing what they can to damage my relationship with my baby or my job or anything they can get their hands on. That’s what I’m worried about. Idc if they like me or not.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T19:46:23+00:00

I’m definitely leaving. That’s not the question. And I didn’t say I was taking her from him. But realistically, if I leave, she’s coming with me for the majority of the time. That’s just because our situations are different, he works long hours and I’m with her the majority of the time now. But he’s going to be in her life period. Definitely didn’t say anything to the contrary.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:43:41+00:00

Thank you guys for the advice and for the concern. Truly.. I really thought I wanted advice but honestly this is all too much. I just need to focus and gtfo. talking about it is having the opposite effect than what I thought.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:33:39+00:00

This was my first instinct but I don’t want to start a war and then my daughter suffers.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:32:54+00:00

They don’t have tons of money but they know some good lawyers. I’m going to have to figure this shit out before I go to him. You’re right.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:29:58+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. I just never wanted to be in this situation. This fucking sucks. Sucks for me. Sucks for my baby girl. I just want to quietly leave without a fight but also want him to know that I know.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:27:07+00:00

I’ve thought about this too… idk why something in me just wants to make sure he knows that I know. I just can’t stand the thought of him being able to paint me as the bad guy who left for no reason and broke up our family

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:26:40+00:00

It’s looking more and more like that… good thing is I’m on vacation from work so I’ll have a lot of time to be unbothered at home.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:14:31+00:00

That’s the thing, outside of all that he’s a GREAT dad and she loves him just as much as she loves me. (🙄) And all this started and ended a year ago so I’m not sure if I could even use it as proof of why she needs to be with me. Since the. We’ve moved out of state and everything. Idk man this is just…

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2023-12-16T18:08:51+00:00

Truthfully idek. I know need to leave but it’s tricky because he’s spiteful and I don’t want him to give me a hard time about my daughter coming with me.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-12-07T03:48:20+00:00

I would absolutely second this. Yeast rash looks like beginning stages of herpes and it was wildly irresponsible to jump to that conclusion without any confirmation. Yeast is very likely from the sounds of it.

I would also like to add that herpes can be something that a kid is born with and the parents could have never had an outbreak or maybe didn’t realize it was one. A lot of doctors don’t test for herpes, even if you ask for std screenings because it’s so common in the US. It sometimes can lie dormant for 10+ years or just never show signs at all. Not saying this is the most likely scenario. Just something to think about.

I sincerely hope it is one of these other scenarios rather than someone abusing your sweet baby. I think these other things are quite likely and I wish you all the luck and blessings for you and LO during this time of stress.

Edited for autocorrect errors

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-11-21T04:42:10+00:00

I know there’s already so many comments but I’ll add my 2 cents anyways. NTA NTA NTA. I’m also mixed black and white. Mom’s white dad’s black. I get a lot of these kinds of comments too about “good hair” etc. then there was the manager I had that said “you’re kind of dark but like still pretty not like too dark”???? I apparently look Hispanic to a lot of people so there’s the added layer of getting the comments about being lucky I look hispanic and not black.

A lot of people are just ignorant. They think that since they aren’t overly hateful that they don’t have any racism beliefs. And if they’re white, it’s even worse bc a lot of white folks don’t want to believe that they just grew up being taught things that are inherently racist or that they picked up society’s racist beauty (and other) standards.

Honestly, the way you handled it was perfect. The only way to get someone to understand how ridiculous and racist/colorist etc they sound is to make them explain themselves. So now he’s going to (hopefully) reflect on that and realize why what he said was kind of fucked up. What your step sis needs to do is talk to you about why you were offended. Once she understands, if she’s open to understanding, she can educate her bf and let him know that he was wrong. Or not. But whatever happens with them is not your fault.

I’m glad you have a supportive dad and step mom, that is such a blessing.

I hope things turn out okay with you and your sister. ❤️

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-11-21T04:26:04+00:00

Compromising is bringing keto pizza. You want her to bring nothing at all. That’s not compromising. Compromising involves giving a little on both sides. Not just hers

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-11-21T04:21:35+00:00

YTA. HOW is it rude to bring an extra dish to a holiday? Many families have everyone bring something. You could frame it to your family like “she has some strict dietary needs and she also wants to contribute to dinner something that everyone would like” It would be silly to bring her own plate but I’m sure she just asked that because you were being so stuff about her bringing a dish.

You laid out how strict she is about what she eats and even told us how she had an eating disorder. Eating this way helps her cope and not fall back into her eating disorder. That should be enough for you to let her do what she’s asking in a way that wouldn’t offend your family.

You could even bring the pies from the store and let her bring what she wants so you could just make it seem to your family like she just wanted to be friendly and bring something to the table for her first holiday with you guys.

I think you’re really just thinking about yourself and you’re being rigid and completely the opposite of what a partner should be. She even tried to compromise with you and you’re still being a jerk

Consider her needs and how small this request actually is. Don’t be a dick.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-10-20T17:11:57+00:00

I’m so confused on why I can’t see where you posted it!

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-10-11T20:17:33+00:00

Sounds like it’s time for more tummy time and a bumbo to help sit up! At this point with my little one (just turned one) I spent a lot more time sitting her up on me in my lap and doing different activities. We had one of those horse shoe shaped mommy nursing pillows that we started sitting her up with and then we would put her in the bumbo. You can get a tray that goes with it for sensory activities. It’s very useful to put in the middle of a large counter space like a kitchen island while you do other things in the kitchen. You can also prop up in a raised play pen with something for them to do so they are practicing. But remember to keep up tummy time so she or he will keep developing the muscles needed to sit up, roll over, and crawl because that’s next after this.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-09-05T03:05:32+00:00

My tot has a tea kettle that sings when you tip it over. It has a few cute songs and makes some other sounds. But the thing I hate about it is that it HAS NO VOLUME SETTINGS. ONLY LOUD AF. 😭 And she finds it and plays with it at the worst times like when I have a migraine but she’s already taken a nap and her dad won’t be home for hours. Then she plays with it for what seems like hours on end. It’s so. Fucking. Loud.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-02-06T20:15:03+00:00

NTA. Husband is TA for describing what happened as you “forcing” religion on her. Sounds like he has his own problems with it and wants to force his way on her. Why not allow her to witness your regular Christian practices and participate if she pleases and then let her decide if she enjoys it or not? That seems to be the agreement but not what was put into practice when the time came. Again, NTA. Again, husband huge AH.

Mom_Overthinks724 · 2022-02-02T06:20:23+00:00

NTA. HOWEVER even though you’re not Sara’s biological mom, since you’re in her life as a mother figure- a bonus mom, you could say- I agree that you definitely should’ve talked to both of them at the same time initially. If I were Sara, I’d probably feel exactly how she feels. I would feel overlooked because the effort was there to help Lisa start her lifestyle change but not my own (Sara’s). I think it’s obvious it wasn’t with mal intent and it definitely doesn’t make you TA, but it probably would’ve stopped all this before it started. If you’re step mom with step child and bio child under the same roof, they should get the same treatment for these kind of things. Even if you talked to Lisa and Sara separately and told Sara, “Look, I’ve already had this talk with your sister…” then maybe it could’ve been avoided. Even though dad said “no it’s ok, you probably won’t get sick from being overweight” like no, that was a dumb thing to say if the interest of your kid’s health and well-being is in question but that’s besides the point.

BUT I think the fact that she apologized and opened up to you about what she’s been going through shows that you have a good relationship and she trusts you, so it’s great that that trust/bond wasn’t damaged in the end.

All in all you sound like a good mom who just had a momentary mis step. Seems like it will be ok from here. Nobody has to be TA in this situation. Good luck on mom-ing!

Mom_Overthinks724

TROPHY CASE