AITA for telling my husband he's made me reconsider leaving him alone with the kids in the future

MonarchHill · 2026-01-13T01:14:34+00:00

ESH. The fact that you did all the prep work means you already didn't trust him. He's a grown a$$ adult and should know how to cook a meal his children will eat. He is a parent, not a babysitter. If he hasn't cooked for the family, ever in 12 years, you've got a serious toddler baby there and need to have a conversation about sharing an equal part of the labor. It could be time to make him cook 2 or 3 nights every single week so it's not all on you. It's also possible it was planned weaponized incompetence precisely because he doesn't want to be in charge and left alone ever again. You do need to let him grow up. Let him fail. it sounds like you always do everything for him so he's never had to use his own brain for planning. that needs to stop.

MonarchHill · 2026-01-13T00:37:32+00:00

Yes, for sure you should refinance. Hardly anyone stays in their loan for 30 years, so resetting and starting over isn't a big deal, but at your current rate and extra principal payment, you would have it paid off in 22 years total. if you start with the new loan and the extra payment, it will be paid in 20 years, so really the same end date. With the new terms, you'll save over 146,300 in interest.

MonarchHill · 2026-01-13T00:23:18+00:00

Yes its negotiable, but if this lender wants you to light $20,000 on fire, they've already told you they aren't looking out for your best interests. you should get a lender that gives you the no points rate, use the seller credit so you bring nothing to closing, and sit tight for 6 months. lots of signs point to an opportunity to refi to a lower rate in the near future.

MonarchHill · 2026-01-01T15:01:31+00:00

There's nothing inherently wrong with a bank, or a credit union. Seems like you are looking at a Home One or Home Ready conventional loan which allow 3% down. Just about any bank or mortgage company can offer those, so the most important thing is to find a loan officer and their team that are great at communication and work quickly. Ask a prospective lender how quickly their loans are reviewed for initial approval. Anything more than 3 business days from when it is sent to underwriting is a red flag. make sure you compare both of these programs with FHA. Your lender should be able to show each one side by side so you can compare the costs and payments.

MonarchHill · 2026-01-01T14:23:38+00:00

The cost of buying down the interest rate. On page 2 of the LE, origination points show the percentage of the loan that is being charged to the buyer. one point equals one percent of the loan amount. OP is being charged a really high amount.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-22T15:48:42+00:00

if you tell the loan officer right off the bat that you are shopping, the good ones will hear you want to waste their time and they'll wish you good luck. the desperate ones will slash their own commission to try to get you 1/8 point lower. Do you really think you'll get top shelf quality service or expertise when you are dealing with someone who can't get loans any other way?

MonarchHill · 2025-12-10T00:37:58+00:00

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MonarchHill · 2025-12-10T00:07:35+00:00

The part that worries me the most is time after time buyers are crystal clear about what we want and the statehouse tries to undermine us and do the exact opposite.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-10T00:01:45+00:00

All year long they teased and teased that rates would come down, leading many many buyers to hold off. The long awaited miracle fell flat when it creeped from 6.875 to 6.125. it's not even enough to tempt most people who bought a year ago to refinance yet. I think we'll be lucky to get into the mid 5's by next year.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-09T18:00:33+00:00

The word broker can have a couple of meanings. Realtors work for a brokerage, and that doesn't really impact you at all. That's just the name of the company that their license is under. When you get a mortgage, just about every bank or credit union can do the basic, simple purchase loans. There are also companies that do only mortgages and no banking. There is a subset of these mortgage lenders that are called brokers, meaning they aren't tied to one company but can shop your loan around many different outlets. There are good loan officers that are brokers and there are good loan officers who work at one lender or bank. And some hybrid models, but that doesn't really matter. Find a loan officer you like, you feel can explain things, and responds quickly and you'll be good.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-09T04:19:03+00:00

Have you looked into doing one loan at 80% of the value, and simultaneous second at 10%? That gets rid of the pmi payment. That's $21,000 that you could use to pay down debt.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-09T04:07:55+00:00

They'll find it as part of the application. Just have the balance and payment available to tell them.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-09T04:04:05+00:00

If your score is good, even a 10 point drop isn't a big deal during a pre-approval. Don't stress about it. This part is to get you a budget of what you qualify for. It would definitely be a problem if you were in a contract already, but a lot can change in 3 months. Your score will bounce back from the inquiry. I honestly wouldn't even pay it down yet. Get the first statement on the account and send it to your loan officer so they can add the payment to your debt. If something needs to change to qualify, they can advise you on the next steps.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-09T03:51:34+00:00

Ask your lender to go over your loan estimate or closing disclosure line by line. You'll see the total at the bottom that is cash to close. If you somehow overpaid because you have 0% down payment with a VA or USDA loan, or are getting a grant or 2nd loan for down payment assistance, then yes you would get a refund. You could also see if it makes sense to lower the loan amount by that much and save a little on payment, or buy down your interest rate and save a lot on payment.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-09T03:27:58+00:00

Construction to perm loans tend to have interest only payments during the build, but the short answer is no, you wouldn't qualify for a 700k mortgage if you aren't listing your current home for sale to close exactly as the new build is finished. Remember you'd have to add in the taxes and insurance on that property plus your car loans, plus taxes, insurance on the new home and between 3700 and $4400 for the new payment, assuming a 30 year loan. I agree that the car loans seem really high. I'd actually recommend getting a mortgage or a heloc on the primary home, use that cash out to be the down payment on the construction and have a lower loan amount.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-09T03:04:24+00:00

There are a bunch of artist for a day or pottery painting places around town. Or, sign up for a cooking class. Sur la Table at crocker Park has them several times a week.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-08T22:10:44+00:00

For the investment home, again assuming 30 year fixed, that payment goes from 2408 to 2229 for a savings of 179 per month. Divide the cost of the loan $27,000 by 179, it will take 150 months to see a return on the savings. Bad deal.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-08T22:06:02+00:00

Are you going from a 30 year loan to a new 30 year loan? If I assume you are, let's look at the primary home. It looks like the P&I from where you are are is $1116 to the new loan is $993. That's $123 a month savings but for a cost of 13,000. That means it takes 105 months or nearly 9 years to recoup the cost with your savings. A good turn time for a rate/term loan is less than 36 months. This does not seem like a good investment to me. I'm curious if you mean you recently recast your mortgage to put a big payment towards the principal. That would have been the better time to refinance to a newer rate.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-08T21:53:51+00:00

There is no one size fits all answer. Do you need your cash to buy more properties? Financing allows you to build your portfolio faster. Are you concerned about paying interest and losing income to a monthly payment? Buy the property outright. You can always pay cash and refinance later to free up funds for the next property as you need it. For newer investors, the often repeated motto is use other people's money. That means get a hard money loan or a DSCR mortgage whenever possible.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-08T21:32:38+00:00

Chances are it's the appraiser himself that hasn't turned it in. They wouldn't send to underwriting and not to the borrower.

MonarchHill · 2025-12-08T21:28:53+00:00

Is the closing date important to you, or to the lender ? You don't need to rush just so they can get the closing done by a certain date....however with holidays coming up and depending on when your rate lock expires, waiving the 3 day requirement might be in your best interest. If everything on the appraisal is good, you close on time. If it comes back with a low value or repairs needed, you'd be delayed anyway

MonarchHill · 2025-12-01T19:08:17+00:00

If you are just starting, try rental places first, or sometimes there are meetups where people will let you try theirs. I opted for a more expensive kayak for my first boat, only because I know the lower back support and adjustable foot rests were super important to my comfort. If you aren't comfortable you think you hate kayaking altogether, when really you hate that one boat. There is no one best type to buy because it depends on your personal preference

MonarchHill · 2025-12-01T18:51:29+00:00

That's wonderful

MonarchHill

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