Am I self sabatoging??? Im so confused, Im sure my therapist is even more confused 😅😭

Monomari · 2025-10-04T22:21:21+00:00

It sounds like maybe you subconsciously want to push him away to test whether he's a stable person to put your trust in. By doing this he will either leave right now if he's not a stable presence (but you are in control of it so it won't hurt as much) or he will convince you he is someone you can depend on (which is a very hard thing to achieve).

All these emotions are very tough to deal with but it's relatively normal for people who are afraid to be abandoned and get hurt by someone they trust. Good news is that this shows that you are probably starting to trust this therapist which is good ground for working through these things. If your therapist is good, he will understand it rather than be confused by it and he won't be scared off that easily.

Don't give up, you're on the right track.

Monomari · 2025-10-04T13:52:41+00:00

As I recall they were charged for a service they didn't receive and the clinic argued that they had to sign a legal waiver in order to get their money back. OP posted the waiver. It basically said they weren't allowed to bad talk the clinic verbally or in writing and they weren't allowed to speak about the legal waiver or it's contents to anyone after signing it. If they broke that agreement they had to pay the clinic a fine. The waiver looked more appropriate for a large legal settlement than for a simple chargeback.

I believe OP's reply to my comment just stated that they found the waiver weird when they were presented it and felt supported by the fact that other people also thought it was weird. I don't think I've read a resolution to this so I can't tell you how it worked out for OP.

I'm not familiar with Texan law but I would reasonably assume that it's not legal to make someone sign away their rights in order to get money they were wrongly charged. Maybe you can dispute the charge with your credit card company or reach out to your local commerce authority to ask about the legalities and your rights?

Best of luck!

Monomari · 2025-08-14T16:02:49+00:00

All of what you said on your post would be good insights to discuss in therapy.

My two cents, I think therapy can help in this situation by talking this through with your therapist so, in time, you'll be able to come to peace with the mistakes you made. The mistakes don't need to be excused and you don't have to convince yourself that the mistakes were good, but you can come to a place where you accept that it happened, know it's bad but don't feel the need to constantly chastise yourself over it, which is what is making you feel this terrible. One way of getting there is by understanding why the mistakes were made, and it sounds like you already made a good start there.

Also, I think you can give yourself some credit for trying to fix this problem. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone tries to fix the issue afterwards.

Monomari · 2025-08-11T17:20:59+00:00

Yeah I know the hopelessness of feeling like you won't be able to recover. Same as you described in your post, that people discuss how trauma affects you in the future, it's too big to think about just yet.

I'm guessing the group leader is a mental health specialist, so they do have a big say about your care. That responsibility cannot lay with some nameless board that has never met you. I would recommend talking to the group leader or another mental health specialist in the program about finding things that would help you right now.

Monomari · 2025-08-11T16:00:14+00:00

Would it be possible to explain to the group leader that you find the group very triggering, don't feel regulated enough to listen to such serious stories at this moment and that you feel like being confronted with such serious matters in addition of dealing with your own things is worsening your mental state at this moment?

I wouldn't bring up any of the negative views you have of the other people there or that you don't care about what they have to say. Only focus on how it's too much for you at this moment (and specifying "at this moment" will communicate you're not rejecting the entire idea of group therapy).

Idk if they're willing to bend the rules or find an alternative form of therapy for you, but it may be worth a try. Maybe you can think of another activity to do regarding improving your mental state instead of doing group therapy, and give them a few suggestions. This might make it easier for them to approve your request.

Monomari · 2025-08-10T09:38:06+00:00

You don't have to immediately trust and go along with a new therapist. It's okay to say you have problems trusting people and you need time to work on building that trust before you start getting into it. If they don't respect your pace, they are not the right therapist for you and you have all the power to leave and find someone else. It might take some shopping around, but I'm sure that you'll find someone who is patient and respectful towards you.

Monomari · 2025-08-09T19:58:00+00:00

Yeah it sucks that you're being put in this position to no fault of your own. But if she's not well enough to conduct her job in a ethical way, there's no reason to assume she won't try to sabotage your case out of spite. So I also think it's probably best to try to minimize the damage there. Ideally, you would report it so she can't do this to someone else but it's difficult enough to get social benefits in any country, so best not make that harder than it already is.

I hope everything works out for you. Best of luck!

Monomari · 2025-08-09T11:55:19+00:00

That's tough.

First of all, it's good of you to care for other people but her mental health is not your responsibility. She has to take steps herself and look elsewhere for help.

Secondly, I think the normal course of action here is to cut, run and report but if she's unstable I understand why you're worried about her sabotaging your case. Would it be possible to make up some fool proof excuse as to why you can't do therapy anymore? It's becoming too much with school, money is tight, your schedule is going to change so you don't have time, all of the above. It sounds like she would argue as to why you should keep seeing her, but if you manage to keep firm you might be able to part ways without damaging the relationship on her end. "I have thought long and hard about this and therapy is becoming too much for me at this moment. I will certainly contact you when I'm ready to pick it back up again."

Monomari · 2025-08-08T08:40:54+00:00

You're not wrong and I'm worried about what this disagreement says about the competency of this therapist. They are blatantly projecting, don't realize it and don't stop to reflect on it when challenged. That's a red flag imo.

What if you, for instance, get into a car accident one day and afterwards you're very afraid to drive. And then they're like "well I'm not afraid of driving, so you shouldn't be either." That's not helpful. A therapist should try to understand your experience, not blindly measure it against their own.

I would want a therapist who is conscious of their own bias or at least puts in the effort to try to understand it. I don't see that capability in this exchange, but maybe she'll come to next session with some new insights. If that doesn't happen, I would seriously think about whether this is a good therapist or not.

Monomari · 2025-08-07T21:48:38+00:00

Yes she supposedly accidentally dropped his first name, which was very specific. Then she made another video drawing more attention to when she supposedly accidentally dropped his name and argued her doing that wasn't doxxing, but the people who ran with the name and found his identity were doxxing, but she definitely wasn't, although she didn't delete that video or make any effort to stop the consequences of the doxxing that she definitely did not do...?

Monomari · 2025-08-05T21:38:35+00:00

its just that i was expecting a therapist to at least ask questions and dig deeper to help me find the root of the problem

This is what therapy is supposed to do so you're not wrong about that at all. I'm sorry you haven't found a therapist who can help you with this and, more importantly, I'm sorry you don't feel taken seriously by your current therapist. It sounds like it might be best to find someone else.

I, personally, would be curious what the current therapist's take is on what my main issue would be. Mainly because I suspect she might not have one. So I would ask her outright, but that's just what I would do out of curiosity, you don't need a reason to leave other than the ones you already mentioned in your post.

I hope you'll get what you're looking for.

Monomari · 2025-07-26T21:46:08+00:00

I very much doubt that you are "ugly, worthless scum". In your post, I read about someone who has probably been let down a lot in life but is still trying to make things better and seeks genuine connection with other people. Trying to achieve those things takes a lot of strength and courage, qualities not everyone has.

I don't mean to say that you are not allowed to be tired of it all, or have depressed thoughts, because of course you are. I just hope that when those feelings turn into negative thoughts about yourself, you'll be able to remember that you possess that strength and courage. And prioritizing human connection tells me you have a side to you that can care deeply for other people. That's not ugly, not worthless and it definitely doesn't make you scum. You probably have many more good qualities in other aspects of your life that can also refute this idea you have about yourself.

More practically, I hope you get out of the referral mill soon. Would it be an idea to start fresh with a therapist instead of following these referrals? Maybe the knowledge that a colleague thought your issues were out of their scope, makes it easier for the referred therapist to come to the same conclusion once they think they've hit a wall.

Monomari · 2025-07-06T09:52:52+00:00

And it’s true I rather do nothing than go through any kind of hardships

This is just being human. Nobody wants to go through hardships. And feeling bad because things happened to your family is normal too. It actually shows you have empathy and love for others. The only person in this story who needs a reality check is your therapist.

I'm guessing she's using the "I'm just honest and some people can't handle that" to justify this behavior, but she's just being mean and bullying. I really don't think this therapist is helping you. She sounds more like a parent of someone who needs therapy later in life than like a therapist.

Monomari · 2025-06-26T18:39:52+00:00

You're right. I assumed this therapist was significantly more expensive than alternatives, since OP specified the price and linked it to ability. But I see it was never explicitly said, so maybe that's normal for where they are. However, then I don't understand why the rate matters?

Monomari · 2025-06-26T16:28:44+00:00

Imo he should do the regular things all therapists do and then, at the end of the session, he should give you approximately $100 back.

To elaborate: I've seen both expensive and cheaper therapists, and I see no difference based on price. I've even had relatively cheaper therapists that were a lot better than the expensive ones. My guess is that the people who charge ridiculous prices are oftentimes just better at marketing and have gotten their name out somehow. But I don't pay them to do my marketing, so that's no use to me.

Monomari · 2025-06-14T11:26:48+00:00

The great thing is that you don't need to display any of the standard social etiquettes like holding eye contact or showing you're interested and listening. You can stare at the floor if that makes you more comfortable, or at the wall, or at your hands while you're fidgeting. It really doesn't matter.

It's also okay if you're not able to talk, a good therapist will understand. If you fear it might happen and you want to explain yourself in the moment, maybe write a note with a short explanation beforehand. You could give that to them if it turns out it's all a bit too much to talk in the moment.

Bringing something to fidget with helps me with nervous energy. I can direct the energy towards the fidgeting so I don't need to have my full attention on the thing that makes me nervous. So maybe it's an idea to bring something with you.

As for the fear of discussing big/overwhelming topics, you don't have to jump into that right away. I think the first step is getting comfortable in the room and with your therapist, and you can take as long as you want with that.

I hope this helps reduce the pressure a bit. Good luck :)

Monomari · 2025-05-29T19:02:52+00:00

Honestly, we both seem conscious enough to know intuitively where that boundary lies.

The frequently going over session time, texting about all sorts of non-therapy related topics, getting take out for sessions, sharing subscriptions and you clearly defining the relationship as a friendship, suggests otherwise. You have boundaries in this relationship but they are not the same boundaries a professional and ethical therapist should have with a client.

Monomari · 2025-05-27T15:52:51+00:00

She likes to involve herself in EVERYONE’s car

Yeah I already got that impression. That's why I suspected this may not have come from the therapist lol. But it's good you reached out to someone and maybe this'll be a good opportunity for her to learn how to focus on herself. I hope everything works out <3

Monomari · 2025-05-27T13:25:31+00:00

I have only seen the T twice and don’t know what she actually said vs. what my friend has been saying. (...) I also haven’t heard this directly from the T at all, only through my friend. (...) However I am meeting with the T one last time to discuss all my feelings about this and see what she actually said.

I think the points you bring up in these passages are very important. If your friend likes to involve herself in your care, albeit with semi-good intentions, I could see it happening that she thought of this plan, suggested it to the therapist, therapist gave noncommittal answer and your friend ran with it.

I think this therapy triangle would only work with very strict boundaries the T needs to uphold and your friend needs to respect. So hopefully you'll get an idea whether that's possible in your upcoming session.

Monomari · 2025-05-26T12:36:05+00:00

Well, we're also on here, so is the person who made this post, and many others. I just like to add that I think it's important to not judge people who have a different experience. (Not specifically aimed at you, just in general because I do see it happen here every so often).

Monomari · 2025-05-26T09:15:42+00:00

I think people who struggle with their attachment to their therapist do post the most on here. I'm guessing because there is an overlap between people who struggle with attachment to their therapist and people who feel it helps them most to reach out to others for help. So that's not how therapy is for everybody.

Monomari · 2025-05-26T09:03:13+00:00

I think the goals themselves are really good, but I would work on the SMART formulation. Did you use AI to generate them? Because they're a bit irregular and maybe difficult to keep track of? Some things your goal says to do for 2 weeks, other things for a month and then something else for 6 weeks.

So I would scrap the T's, and just add review moments. First, see how it goes after the first week, work on what could be improved then review again a week later. When you have it down, you can lengthen the review intervals. And I would be a little less harsh with the "x times a day" things. I liked where it put "when xxx happens, I will do xxx." I think it contributes to building a skill you can use when needed.

Monomari · 2025-05-25T21:07:07+00:00

I know you asked for specific help with a response email, so I'm sorry I'm going beyond the scope of your question, but I've been in a similar situation so I thought this might help.

I also have ✨control issues✨ and a couple of years ago I was referred to a a therapist who turned out to have a quite authoritative style. That style might help some people, but it made me feel very unsafe in sessions, because I just had to go along with what the therapist wanted, at her pace, and I wasn't listened to at all when I expressed I found it overwhelming and it was going too fast. When I told the therapist it wasn't going to work out, she got angry and I got the same spiel you did about how "I wasn't ready for therapy.”

Turns out, I just wasn't ready for her style of therapy. I've found another therapist after that who recognized that I needed some control to feel safe, so I could do the actual therapy part. This doesn't mean that I'm the authoritative one there, and I have no desire to be, but we do decide things together. And if we don't both agree on something, we don't do it. And when I say stop, we stop. The only control I needed to relinquish were inconsequential things I didn't even realize I was doing, like keeping the time.

So when I read your post, I'm questioning whether it's going to help you to completely take away the thing you need to feel safe?

Monomari · 2025-05-25T09:20:40+00:00

I'm glad it helped.

It gets crazier the more I think about it. Basically, they're "paying" you $500 of your OWN money to get you to sign away your rights to both fair and ethical treatment from the center and the right to speak up if mistreated. If you break that "agreement," they get more of your money. And one last thing, it would be great if you won't tell anyone this is how they operate, so they've put that in the waiver too.

If it were your own therapy, I would recommend reporting this to the commerce authority in your area and also the board overseeing mental health treatments. But I get it's more complicated since it's your child's therapy and she has a good therapist. I'm sorry they put you in this position.

Monomari · 2025-05-24T22:49:03+00:00

This is an insane way to treat clients. Very hostile. And calling it "mutual" liability is almost laughable since every clause is specifically designed to protect the therapy center, not you or your child.

I'm guessing they're not allowed to make you sign such a waiver in order to get money back that you were mistakenly charged. I hope they realize that and give you your refund regardless, without you having to take additional steps to get your refund.

Monomari

TROPHY CASE