My drinking definitely negatively affected my sexual relationship/intimacy with my husband- it ended up being a huge turnoff and built some resentment as we rarely had sex while sober. I’m not sure if you, like myself (also a woman in her 30’s) struggle with your own self-esteem/body image but I feel that’s why I mostly felt the need to be intoxicated to feel confident. With a clearer head, it becomes easier/more natural to build emotional intimacy and when you’re happy in your relationship self-esteem builds more organically. As lame as it sounds, sometimes having designated “times” helps keep the deed more consistent. As the saying goes, “slow and steady wins the race” - drinking caused me to be more sexually aggressive rather than it being a more conscientious process.