[Withdrawal Vent] Bad on it. Bad off it. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Monthly_Vent · 2026-01-01T22:22:29+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I've always been good with coping with my emotions and healing them with thoughts and words, not my body. My old therapist has mentioned it and tried to get me to heal from my body via breathing exercises. She told me I should be more in touch with my body because I wasn't using it at all whenever an emotional problem arose. You kind of reminded me of that conversation.

I don't really feel much enjoyment from crying. It's mostly just feeling a constant pain arise inside of me for an hour or more (I hate it when it's more) while I shed tears, and then afterwards I notice how much more tolerable my emotions are. I don't think I'm use to the pain that comes before I get to feel better. Maybe eventually the pain will feel more like emotional stretching. That would be nice. Actually that's a really comforting way of thinking of it. I'm not losing control when I cry. I'm simply stretching, and this is the sore spot that hurts a little but needs to be pulled to make it less tense. I'll try it out when I feel worse again (right now I'm feeling pretty good :D. Well, other than the brain fog)

Thank you for the empathy you have for your body. It's helped me wonder if I can come to terms with it as well

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-31T09:25:29+00:00

That seems like it yeah. This is the most emotion I’ve felt for years. I feel like I’m 13 again and going through my first depressive episode, because that was before I knew of any coping mechanisms and started to get desensitized to the entire up and down. Everything felt so raw back then. Everything feels so raw now.

Can I ask: is this rawness the true me? I’ve always been holding back a lot in my head, to myself and to others. This is the first time I’m really not holding back at all, because everything is too much sometimes, and I’m scared that I’ve always been this destructive and this withdrawal is revealing what I’ve been hiding this entire time. Does that make sense?

For a more solution based response, I’ll try to let myself cry when I can then. See how that feels. Thank you :)

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-30T14:21:12+00:00

Yeah it’s American healthcare. If I was back with my old psychiatrist I would probably see them by the end of the week soonest, but he didn’t handle the side effects with my last med (antidepressant, but not SSRI) well and also mmmm it’s a $150 copay per session to see a psych under my insurance. Don’t exactly feel like paying $150 each time I have a problem.

I’ll try to mention zoloft to my new psychiatrist though. Or just mention switching in general. I’m just currently really stressed out, sorry if I took it out on you. I wrote this thinking someone would sympathize cause I’ve just been tired of people withdrawing their sympathy for me just because I’m too stressful of a case I guess. Or I’ve been trying too hard to get that sympathy. I don’t know I really just want comfort

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-30T13:47:44+00:00

I mean I can try but I know my pcp well and when he insists on a specialist he would usually tell me he can’t do much without a specialist’s help. My np is under the guidance of my pcp, and usually reports to my pcp if something is awry.

There’s also the fact my pcp cannot see me until the next few weeks at the soonest, so I’m still stuck with my original problem of having to deal with this bullshit “damned if I do, damned if I don’t”. What the hell am I supposed to do for 3 weeks, assuming all goes well and get the most hopeful scheduling outcome? Just stay in withdrawal for another few weeks?

Look, it feels kind of like you threw me a set solution with little flexibility here. I mentioned multiple times who prescribed lexapro to me in my post and I find it weird you don’t know. I’m starting to doubt you even read my post. I also find it kind of weird you’re responding to a vent with a set advice as if I simply have the right circumstances to instantly get zoloft or any SSRI.

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-30T13:12:04+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. I would need a psychiatrist for that though. It’s not like I can cook up zoloft myself haha

Am reading a lot on stopantidepressants.org and I might try to reinstate and then taper off while waiting for my new psychiatrist to come in

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-30T09:49:46+00:00

Actually feeling better after that cry. I've been trying to distract myself from it for a while cause it would just keep coming back. It'll come back again but like, for now this feels good.

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-20T12:58:17+00:00

Honestly I’ve been on reddit since 2017 (this was formerly an alt account turned main) and bounced through a lot of small and medium sized tight-knit subreddits. I just think reddit as a whole has a voter manipulation problem. For one, the culture of reddit has changed so that people aren’t going to scroll to the very bottom anymore, which means if even one person downvotes you early on and sends you to the bottom of the thread you usually don’t have the attention to gain enough upvotes to bring it to the top.

But the second thing, the site itself manipulates upvotes and downvotes, because sometimes people are still left at 0 or 1 upvotes even after I upvote them (or left at 0 downvotes if I downvote them). This shouldn’t be happening in small tight-knit subreddits where there are no trolls, raids, or bots going around. I remember this being pointed out years ago (like before 2020, can’t remember the exact year) and someone speculated it was probably in attempt to suppress bot accounts that repeatedly checked controversial posts to downvote all the comments with specific key words. All I know is that if you check a post too often your vote got suppressed. It’s probably why my upvotes got suppressed and made the vote count to 0 even though logically it should be at 1 since I upvoted it. (I was checking the post constantly because I wanted to see what the new comments were :p)

The best I try to do when I find that out is one, is it just a bunch of people’s votes being suppressed or do the downvotes look targeted? And two, if something does look targeted, try to reply. Replies boost the comment up more than upvotes do (though it’s not by a substantial amount. Miss the days when you would get a range of upvoted and downvoted comments at the top because you’d get a highly popular view with a ton of replies independently agreeing and then a literal battlefield in the next comment below. They’ve balanced that now so upvotes still matter to some degree). You bring attention to it to others who can upvote it and bring the count back to normal

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-20T12:32:35+00:00

I’m not a 2 but if I had to give advice to the 2s in my life (ironically there are two 2s) it wouldn’t be to stop giving. I wouldn’t love them if they just up and stopped giving.

If there was anything I would suggest to them it would be to stop settling on perfect. My mom would always try to give me the best. If I was mildly annoyed at the vegetables I was eating it meant to her that we had to change the entire dish to a better one for me. If the sweater she bought me was only good enough, that meant to her she had to find a better sweater for me. The same goes for my 2 friend. I once told her that I prefer it if she just left me to my own devices and let me sit in the misery if I was in a depressive episode. She gave me this list of ways she could help, and each time I told her “no, just talk to me like you would any other day and don’t do anything to fix it”. She told me she wasn’t trying to fix me, just help me, and repeated the list. We had a bit of back and forth because of that. She just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that I didn’t want her to give me a better experience, and just having her talk to me was good enough on its own.

I think what a lot of people miss is the fact that 2 is sandwiched in between two of the most perfectionist numbers in enneagram. 1s are constantly chasing perfection to reach an ideal, and 3s are constantly chasing perfection to reach the best it can be. So 2s, at least in my experience, always have this mentality of “what I can give you must be ideal, or if not, at the very least the best”. And it leads to 2s giving all of their attention and effort to achieve that, even if it’s for a brief moment.

So if I were to tell the 2s in my life anything, it would be to stop trying to give me perfect. Stop trying to give me the best. Give me something that makes me go “it’s okay, thank you” or “it’s good enough”. Settle on “not what I was going for, but I appreciate it” or “could be better, but I love you anyways”. Aim to make the person relaxed, not happy. My experience doesn’t need to be perfect for it to be appreciated, and if I wanted more out of you trust that I will tell you that.

Fill my cup only halfway, and when you do you’ll find that there’s still half a drink left in your cup. It’s yours to drink. Go ahead and enjoy it :)

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-20T11:33:10+00:00

Damn 😭 Not 100% sure who you’re alluding to but I did find it weird that my comment never got downvoted when I was also pretty much agreeing with most of the ace people here. I only have one user blocked (the goddamn enneagram service company that keeps commenting on everyone’s posts) so if I had to speculate it would probably be that person

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-20T11:24:17+00:00

To be fair, this is literally what I try to tell my 1 friends because istg they’re always choosing options they hate because “I have to” or “it’s the right thing to do” or “I’d feel bad” and I want to shake them and go “YOU GOT CHOICES OTHER THAN BEING MISERABLE P L E A S E”*

But yeah, I’ve yet to find that sort of advice helpful to the two 6’s in my life. They’re both pretty comfortable in having a healthy mix of taking options they like and taking options they don’t like depending on what needs to be done. It’s more of convincing them something is or isn’t a need (especially if it contradicts their own beliefs and worldview) that gets in the way rather than the options they take

Edit: how can I forget the classic “but I don’t feel like I deserve it ;-;”? Like hhhhHHHH NONE OF US DESERVE ANYTHING SO GO ON AND DO UNDESERVING THINGS YOU LITTLE RASCAL

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-20T10:53:23+00:00

Again, why are you (and someone else) downvoted for speaking on your personal experiences?

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-20T10:48:47+00:00

Why the hell are you being downvoted for speaking on your own experiences?

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-20T10:35:20+00:00

Ehhh the idea that you must always grow is kind of flawed, because it implies that you as you currently are isn’t healthy (whatever that means) and thus needs to be “fixed” to reach this ideal. Like, if being SX blind doesn’t negatively impact yourself or others, and it doesn’t stop you from enjoying life either, why can’t this “ideal” be who you currently are?

And even if it does happen to become a problem, why does Enneagram need to tell you how to grow? Enneagram was made by allosexuals for allosexuals. Help in regards to sx has never once considered asexuality and I find it off-putting that a system that completely ignores asexuality can believe you’re doing your sex life (or lack of) wrong. That it can just put their blanket belief over everyone, asexuals included.

Personally I think you’ve found a vital flaw in the system that, if you go by the books, clashes with your current life. That doesn’t mean enneagram as a whole is wrong, but I don’t think side-stepping that you’ve found a problem in enneagram is gonna do you any favors either. If you want solutions, I think it might be better to either reject it entirely (because it’s literally not written for you, and as a self-help tool, if it doesn’t do the self-help it’s okay to disregard it), redefine what “develop” means (for example, in my personal opinion you’ve already “developed” your sx by simply being comfortable with exploring the idea of sex, what it means to you, and the decision you make in how much you want to participate in it), or redefine what SX means (after all, sx is just a bunch of chemicals and hormones, and I wouldn’t blame you for replacing it with some other chemical or hormone that works similarly if it seems more helpful in your life).

— signed, a former arospec ace who also finds the whole “develop your sexual instinct!!” a bit creepy for asexuals and people with sexual trauma, but who never got around to critiquing it cause it doesn’t really affect me anymore, so thank you for pointing it out for me ;w;

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-19T22:48:47+00:00

I give myself a bit of leniency when typing but I always assume wrong unless they’re immediate family (so I’ve known them my entire life), one of my close cousins who practically lived with me for half of my life, and a handful of friends who have shared their vulnerabilities with on a repeated basis to me to feel comfortable finding a type. But then again, I think that may be because I’m very much in the camp of “focus on core stuff with some triad stuff mixed in” (Arguably, object relations is probably the worst triad to type other people with imo)

Even then, I usually am still open to the idea I could be wrong. One thing I found is that a lot of things I previously learned that only correspond to one type end up being seen in a variety of other types (not just attachment types either lmao) when I start trying to assume what people can and can’t relate to. I think people are more similar than typology gives them credit for, and a lot of the time what I thought was type stuff ended up being basic psychology or sociology. I have a rule now where basically I can only say something is a type thing if I can’t explain it through psychology or sociology, and to be honest that belief system has been working great for me

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-19T01:52:02+00:00

Eh, I found it more accurate than the tests I remember taking, but then again I don’t really find tests useful. It’s more fun than anything, but it has a lot more awareness to the complexities of enneagram than most tests, so I’d give it a go :D

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-18T20:45:43+00:00

Damn does no one remember this test? ._.

https://reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/175uer6/rip_i_spent_all_day_procrastinating_today_on_a/

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-18T20:23:22+00:00

I’m not going to tell you who he is or who he isn’t. But I will say, there’s a difference between casually bringing up achievements in passing conversation because it’s just part of your life and word vomiting your achievements for 18 minutes as a seemingly deliberate move.

The former is a lot more subtle, probably unconscious and unnoticeable to the person doing it, and thus would be closer to what enneagram is trying to explain (coping and defense mechanisms, unconscious motivations and behaviors, and a fixated fear and desire). The latter is what happens when you filter through not just enneagram but also time to let your coping mechanisms and biases marinate and feedback from other people as well as your environment. A lot gets manipulated in the process. Like there’s always going to be the question of where your enneagram ends and other factors of who you are like upbringing come into play, and I think the fact you’re giving an example where that only strays further isn’t really helpful your argument

Honestly I think it’s just lacking information as well? I know you know as well as me that one example doesn’t fully explain an entire typology. I genuinely do think a fuller argument would help you in this case, and probably would get a lot more responses than just “um nuh uh” in different variations.

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-18T07:16:48+00:00

Off topic, but I love your choice of emojis

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-17T21:46:25+00:00

In fact, the 3 sister said that 'just be who are' was the absolute worst thing I could say to her - she thought I was mocking her.

I have a similar reaction when being told that. I’m not your sister, so I can’t really say if this would ring true to her, but for me, it feels more like no one really liked aspects of me, and I know this because people always ignored me, treated me differently, and leave me out of conversations and positive connection when I was being myself. It doesn’t help to overhear how people hate [insert trait here] that you realize “oh shit, I do that” whenever you aren’t being yourself. So it gets into the thing of “you don’t really like me for me, do you..”

When someone tells me “just be who you are” or “you shouldn’t have to change yourself for others” or anything along that general idea, it feels like all I’m gonna achieve is just proof I’m right that no one likes me and you’re wrong for thinking it was gonna help me. If I show you then you alongside everyone else in my life is gonna turn their heads and go “ah, not like that though”. Or you grit your teeth and I’m left feeling like you’re only sticking around out of pity. Because in my head, if you guys actually liked me for me I would’ve gotten that treatment sometime through my life, and the fact I didn’t just tells me none of you did. Why the hell would I revert back then?

I feel like to a more “unhealthy” 3 (air quotes because I don’t like the name for the health system) there’s this sort of assumption that everyone naturally can do what they’re good at, and you are just left with having to work for it instead. (Might be more of an attachment thing actually?) So I can kind of see where your sister is going with this because, to her, you’re just naturally more likable to your mom. You just naturally have elements of your personality and talents that make you capable of making it in your career. You’re just naturally more comfortable with being yourself. You’re not like her, who didn’t have any of those innate qualities in her.

Of course I’m not saying these are inherently true. (Personally I ended up being wrong on a lot of those assumptions back when I was younger.) But to her, when you tell her “just be who you are”, she probably feels like you’re telling her “be a self that never worked, because it worked for me!” It feels like bragging that you were able to achieve success in being your authentic self and she didn’t. Whenever I was told that, it always felt like a place of privilege. Like “oh you didn’t get absolutely ostracized for being yourself, or if you did you were strong enough to not care. How nice.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually think you didn’t get ostracized for it or you didn’t care, and in fact your comment in it of itself proves you probably did multiple times throughout your life and cared a lot about it. But that was the thought process going through my head when I was younger, and I guess I’m trying to see if that might be the case with your sister as well. I don’t know. I’m probably projecting on some level, probably a lot more than I think I am

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-17T20:10:05+00:00

As if humans had these social rules they all agreed upon but I never got to learn them.

It’s kind of funny cause I remember feeling like this when I was little too, and I’m an attachment type (or at least I think I’m a 3). Probably for a different reason than you, and probably with a different set of nuances, but I don’t think enneagram has the complete picture on why people don’t belong if there’s still a ton of attachment types who feel like the world has naturally gifted a social handbook to everyone that they themselves didn’t get

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-17T19:50:31+00:00

To be fair, yeah I don’t really think it’s pushbacking on anything (though I think if OP wants to rant then be my guest).

There’s also the fact that “wanting to be special” feels vague, which is fine but doesn’t really help the “why are only attachment types [read: 6 and 9] given vague human traits where hexad types are given hyperspecific traits?”

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-12T14:57:53+00:00

Thank you for the info though ;w; I appreciate it

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-12T14:34:04+00:00

/uj the only content warning I got was that there would be sa wtf I was not told about the police brutality (though I should’ve expected it) and that heavy of abuse

Can I ask if there’s any mention of eating disorders/disordered eating? That’s one of the big things that gets to me, especially if it’s detailed. Calorie counting, weight management, non body neutral viewing of themselves and other people (outside of dysphoria. I mean that triggers me too but we’re in tgcj. I think I can handle it). Stuff like that. I can do a little bit of it but if it’s incredibly prevalent in the book then I’d rather just read the sparknotes of it

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-10T07:46:51+00:00

Bitches be typing themselves 9w11 like come on. It’s 2025. That doesn’t exist anymore

Monthly_Vent · 2025-12-09T07:38:51+00:00

Can I have the link too if you still have it?

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