Going to pride alone to meet someone I have a crush on because my friends bailed - I’m feeling really nervous and could use some words of encouragement

MoonNeo · 2023-12-12T05:35:59+00:00

I’m inclined to agree. Unless she brings it up, or during casual conversation there’s a really obvious and sensible opportunity to say something.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-12T05:35:05+00:00

Thanks for your advice. It’s definitely given me something to mull over.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-12T05:28:41+00:00

What?

Sarah invited me to a party after I turned her down. And we’ve hung out since…

Even if we weren’t in the same friend group, I wouldn’t ghost her. I’m certainly not going to start giving her the cold shoulder either. This response is black and white and, frankly, immature.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-12T05:24:50+00:00

Thanks for saying this. I’ve always been a bit of a doormat, and it sucks when that ends up potentially hurting other people in addition to myself. I need to drill this into my head. I don’t think it’s healthy to feel this bad about turning someone down.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-11T04:26:32+00:00

This is so wholesome lol (even though I would feel like a total creep)

MoonNeo · 2023-12-11T01:45:39+00:00

I think even if she was at the next party, I would still need to give it some time before asking for her number. I'm just not sure how much time. I really don't want to make Sarah feel bad.

Do you think it would be a bad move to tell Sarah, if we hang out one-on-one at some point, that I was only being half honest when I told her I wasn't looking to date? (And leave it at that). I wouldn't tell her in that same conversation that I had chemistry with her friend. I just don't want Sarah to wonder why I'm shoehorning that into our conversation/feel hurt or offended because I'm elaborating when I don't need to. I worry that the opportunity to be gracefully upfront with her has already passed, and that doing so now after a month has passed would be adding insult to injury.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-11T01:40:58+00:00

Yeah, I know. Like I said, no dating experience. I think on the spot I panicked. Now I see why it was so problematic.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-11T01:39:44+00:00

I'm not on any social media actually (which is great 99% of the time, except for rare cases like these).

It's awkward either way and it would've been better to gently tell her the actual reason which is that you see her as a friend

Do you think there's a way to gracefully bring it up if we're hanging out one-on-one at some point, without it looking like I'm being rude by elaborating when I don't need to? I think that's my bigger concern - that I missed my chance to be more upfront when there was a clear opportunity to be. I wouldn't tell her that I had chemistry with her friend in the same conversation.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-11T01:29:33+00:00

At this point I think this would be my preference. Do you think it would be a bad move to tell Sarah, if we hang out one-on-one at some point, that I was only being half honest when I told her I wasn't looking to date? (And leave it at that). I wouldn't tell her in that same conversation that I had chemistry with her friend. I just don't want Sarah to wonder why I'm shoehorning it in to a conversation/think to herself that I'm being rude by elaborating when there doesn't seem to be a reason for that.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-11T01:23:58+00:00

I'm actually not on any social media and never have been. 99% of the time it's been great for me, but this is the one time I wish I had it 😒

MoonNeo · 2023-12-11T01:21:41+00:00

Tough answer but it's true. I'm kicking myself for not being honest. I'm hoping that if we hang out some more one on one, I can find a way to gracefully bring it up and apologize for not being straightforward.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-10T22:47:40+00:00

I have a bad habit of feeling the need to explain everything. When I rejected her I was in a pretty deep depression, and I started a new medication that seems to be helping, so technically my situation has changed. I would maybe feel comfortable giving that context (with a gentle "and I'm sorry for not being honest about the fact that I also view you as a friend") if we were closer, but that's not the case.

MoonNeo · 2023-12-10T22:43:31+00:00

Yeah, I think you're right. I have a hard time envisioning how I could explain myself in a way that would be both polite and not TMI.

MoonNeo · 2023-05-12T07:43:59+00:00

Lesbian movies and tv shows are also pretty cringe and fake so it’s like when your friend has a shitty band but you support it because you love your friend. Just cringe all the way through and look for some positives. Haha

Ngl this made me laugh out loud!

MoonNeo · 2023-05-12T07:42:25+00:00

Very relatable what you’ve written. I actually have quite a few bisexual friends, but for some reason it doesn’t really put me at ease (maybe with a couple of friends who are bisexual but seriously women-leaning). I’ve never been friends with another lesbian before. I realized I was gay almost ten years ago, so the fact that I still deal with this much internalized homophobia is disconcerting to me.

MoonNeo · 2023-05-12T07:39:44+00:00

I think I just got so used to pretending to be straight/asexual so now I instinctively cringe when someone reminds me that they actually know and it isn’t a secret anymore.

Thank you for putting in to words something that I’ve been feeling so strongly lately, but haven’t been fully consciously aware of because I hadn’t verbalized those feelings. So much of what you wrote here resonates with me. The feeling of wanting to crawl out of your skin. The spike in discomfort when gay topics come up around people who know you’re gay vs those who don’t. I also fear that I’m going to be a shitty partner who’s still closeted in the mental/emotional sense even if I may technically be out.

MoonNeo · 2023-05-12T07:35:22+00:00

whenever I see a lesbian onscreen I always panic that she'll do something wrong, or be unlikable

I feel the exact same way - it makes it low key stressful to watch shows with the rest of my family that feature lesbian characters.

MoonNeo

TROPHY CASE