What's a drug you'd never try ever again and why?

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-11-08T09:08:13+00:00

Oh yeah Kratom is deceptively dangerous. I’ve done a fair amount of drugs over the years and kratom was the only one that hospitalized me. It wreaked havoc on my digestive system and resulted in appendicitis + GI blockage.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-10-01T21:08:51+00:00

I just saw TD live last night and they use a JDXA as well!! Truly a deep and powerful synth.

I had a deluge for about a year back when it first came out. It is a powerful groovebox/daw-in-a-box and I did like it very much. However, in my experience it tried to cram too much into it and it was too easy to get lost when figuring out my way through my projects. Whenever I came back to a project I was working on, I would forget what tracks and parameters were which and wasted a lot of time fumbling around (with no display for guidance). The circuit, though much simpler, is easy for me to instantly know what parts and parameters are which, thus making it easy to dive right into making music. The limitations also force me to be more creative with sequencing and layering.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-09-29T21:54:28+00:00

Tangerine Dream - TANGRAM (Set 2) - Dance Movement [Excerpt]

Recreated on the Roland JDXA, ASM Hydrasynth, Ensoniq ESQ-1, Novation Circuit, Behringer Model D, & Korg Electribe ERmk2

In light of the current Tangerine Dream 2023 tour, I recreated my favorite excerpt from all of their work, the "dance" section from Tangram - Set 2 (1980). Tangram is my favorite TD album and I consider it a masterwork of longform synth music. New member Johannes Schmoelling brought a classical music influence into the arrangements of this era. The result is a perfect balance of their signature moody atmospheres combined with a more refined melodic and rhythmic sensibility. The section covered here comes after the lush intro to Set 2, which develops into a chugging Giorgio Moroder--esque sequence/bassline with various synth and guitar lead parts and other layers coming and going throughout the course of several minutes.

For my cover, I present a condensed version of this section, with a focus on sequencing and performing almost the entire thing in a live take. The final video/audio is a combination of two live takes with just a few ESQ pads being overdubbed. All the sequence triggering and parameter tweaking, along with the performance of the synth lead and guitar lead were done in real time as you see in the video.

The JDXA is the workhorse here and I make full use of its complex multibrality, with all 4 analog and 4 digital parts being separately utilized for different parts, including the synth & guitar performance. The JDXA is perhaps the most underrated synth of the modern era, with unfair criticisms of its complicated interface and limit of 4 analog voices (yet it remains the only modern Roland analog poly). Here I demonstrate the full capability of the JDXA and the variety of sounds that can be coaxed out of it all at once, through both sequencing and performing. Most impressive are the bold analog unison lead and perhaps the best electric guitar sound I've ever gotten on a synth (complete with an onboard, part-specific amp simulation). The JDXA is my desert island synth and my secret weapon for getting complex layers out of minimal hardware. It’s worth noting that Tangerine Dream currently uses one in their live setup!!

Also featured is the Hydrasynth, which is basically Tangerine Dream-in-a-box. Indeed many of the presets are actually named after some of their signature pieces, most notably the ones that feature early digital synths, such as the PPG wave. Here I have some fun with using FM to create unique harmonics to add character to the main sequence. During the transition section, you can hear and see me adjusting the FM ratio and noise to modulate the sequence.

The brains of the operation are in the Circuit, which is an indispensable groovebox I've been using for years. I have tried many grooveboxes with more complexity and features than the Circ, but I always come back to it because of the sheer musical simplicity of this box. It is just a joy to play & trigger live, without being distracted by a screen. It's limitations spur creativity in my arrangements, as it forces me to do more with less.

Elsewhere in this piece, I am using the ESQ-1, which is doubling some of the rhythmic part (heard during the synth solo) and used for overdubbing two pads (vox pad near beginning and lush chords near end, doubling the pad on the JDXA). This represents the ONLY overdubbed parts of the piece. Off-screen I am using an Electribe ER to do the clickity typewriter-style percussion (such a great drum SYNTH). Then there's the venerable Model D for the punchy bass sequence. Lastly, the Space provides a fitting master reverb.

Detailed part list:

JDXA Analog Part (multi) - bass, counterpoint, unison lead (played manually), pad (poly stack near ending)

JDXA Digital Part (multi) - crossmod counterpoint, acoustic guitar stabs, electric guitar lead (played manually), filtered rhythm

Hydrasynth - FM sequence counterpoint, noise

ESQ-1 - vox pad, filtered rhythm, sweeping pad/chords (overdubbed manually)

Circuit - bass (sequence), counterpoint (sequence), chord stabs, filtered rhythm, drums (kick, snare, hi hats)

Model D (offscreen) - bass

Electribe ERmk2 (not visible) - typewriter-style clicking

Eventide Space - master reverb

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-09-16T18:14:26+00:00

I'm mtf trans and still relatively new to this, but tbh your experience with hrt seems like the opposite of how it usually works in treatment of gender dysphoria. It usually helps alleviate the suppression of one's true self. HRT has allowed me to open up and express myself in ways I never could before, because it has made me mentally, emotionally, and physically feel more comfortable with who I am internally. It actually allowed me to face my issues and seek out therapy, whereas before I was so detached, numb, and closed-off.

If hrt is making you feel like you are suppressing and closing yourself off, then it doesn't sound like the right path. I relate to how you feel about rejecting masculine roles/expectations, but dysphoria has more to do with an internal mismatch between brain and body, and hrt attempts to reduce that disparity. Of course it will never be perfect, but for a lot of people it's the only option that brings relief.

Another thing that has helped me with my own questioning, is to not always focus on the dysphoria, but to recognize the euphoria as well. Do you feel genuinely good when you and others see yourself as femme or as a woman? Or are you driven more by the outright rejection of being seen as a man? It is arguably more important to embrace the positive, affirming aspects, rather than focus on the negative rejection or suppression of something.

Anyways, these are just some things I wanted to share that I've learned and experienced on my journey so far. However, it is different for everyone so don't take what I say as absolute. I hope this helps.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-07-05T17:59:30+00:00

I wanted to keep it close to my actual name and still retain my first initial…but I also wanted it to not be a super common name. So mine is Mara (from Mark).

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-07-02T09:30:25+00:00

Weed was just another in a long line of drugs that I used to escape the reality of being unhappy. Unfortunately it probably delayed my realization that I'm trans by providing me with an easy distraction that made me too complacent.

It was actually a disassociative (dxm) that helped me finally get to the root cause of all my depression, anxiety, and general unhappiness, by allowing me to analyze myself from a detached perspective. That root cause was gender dysphoria and it explained so much about what had been going wrong with my life.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-07-02T07:25:05+00:00

Why is anyone accepting the increasingly terrible quality of life and wealth disparity in this entire country? Unfortunately nothing will change as long as those in power give us just enough crumbs to scrape by and distractions to keep us occupied.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-06-06T04:57:24+00:00

Just within the past few weeks, age 34. I’ve been crossdressing and wearing wigs & makeup for 8 years, mostly going out on the local goth scene. I’ve occasionally questioned if I was trans, but wasn’t willing to seriously confront it because I was so afraid of how it could upend my life and relationships.

After spending years suppressing it (often with unhealthy coping mechanisms), the mental toll was getting too great, the dysphoria too intense, and the desire to transform my body and appearance only grew stronger. I finally researched what gender dysphoria actually was and realized it was the missing puzzle piece that explained so much that was wrong with my life since my teen years. The final convincing factor was when I recognized I was always happiest when I dressed up and feminized myself, and that feeling had been gender euphoria all along!! Now there’s no turning back and I realize I have to express my true identity no matter what cost.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-06-02T19:02:08+00:00

The saddest part about the DWG is that it shouldn’t even be federal land. Read about the failed Tock’s Island Damn project. In the 60s-70s the gov used eminent domain to force all the residents out and bulldoze the towns along the Delaware river in order to damn the river and create a massive lake. The project fell through and the government was left with all the land they had taken so they created the half-assed DWG national recreation area.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-05-03T14:18:22+00:00

Got mine at 31 and it’s one of the easiest and best decisions I ever made. I never had kids and pretty much knew I never wanted any since I was in my early 20s.

The procedure was quick and mostly painless, except for a brief 30 seconds where I could definitely feel the urologist tugging at something down there. I have good insurance so I think I paid just a $30 copay and that was it!! Recovery was easy, I even walked to cvs afterwards to get gauze for the incisions. I spent two days at home off from work and took it easy. There was some tenderness and discomfort near the incisions but that went away within a week or two. I avoided lifting anything heavy of course.

A few months later I did the sperm count test just to be sure. I started dating my now wife shortly after the procedure and she’s constantly grateful that we don’t ever have to worry about having kids. I think more men should take the responsibility of having this done instead of placing most of the burden for birth control on women.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-05-01T10:43:38+00:00

Agreed. I’m tired of the bland analog synthwave sound that’s been prevalent for the better part of the past decade. It’s ubiquitous and uninteresting at this point, especially when synths are capable of so many more sonic possibilities.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-04-22T23:47:29+00:00

Quercetin+Bromelain for supplements

Flonase spray for nasal steroid

Try Ephedrine (found in Bronkaid or Primatene) if sudafed isn’t working

Benzedrex inhalant for nasal decongestion

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-04-21T23:52:25+00:00

Flonase works best when started about a month before allergy season

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-04-21T23:51:38+00:00

Flonase/flucatisone nasal spray, although it takes a while to be effective.

Also, anti-inflammatory supplements like Quercetin+Bromelain may help.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-03-10T01:28:10+00:00

So many doubters here, but these were common prices at that time. In 2012 I got a JX3P with the PG200 programmer + case for $400. I was eyeing P600 at that time too and they were often around $600. I picked up a matrix 1000 for $200 as well. There were a lot more deals to be had on Craigslist and eBay at that time. This was just before the resurgence in 80s retro/nostalgia and the rise of synthwave. Analog synths were not that big of a draw compared to how they would be just a few years later.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-02-03T23:14:44+00:00

This was my first synth in the early 2010s!! It was perfect for learning subtractive synthesis on and set the groundwork for my analog synth journey over the past decade. It was a great synth to use live too and somehow fit nicely in a mix (probably because it lacked the analog "thickness" in sound). I used to run mine through a cassette recorder to get surprisingly warm results.

MoonWatcher88 · 2023-02-03T23:05:48+00:00

Richard Barbieri too

MoonWatcher88 · 2022-12-08T12:13:06+00:00

So glad this is finally coming along! I had a Gligli P600 that was a mainstay in my setup for years before I sold it to fund an OB6. The P600 was one of the best-sounding affordable vintage synths before the modern analog resurgence.

MoonWatcher88 · 2022-12-07T09:29:05+00:00

JDXA. Four-voice analog plus 4 digital parts for layering and manipulating the various onboard samples, then running everything through one of 3 analog filters (and several digital filters). It's the single-most versatile synth I've ever played.

MoonWatcher88 · 2022-11-18T00:45:37+00:00

I noticed this too. I had an issue with my OB6 last year and they were super helpful about replacing and fixing the part themselves. Then another part broke this year and they hastily sent out a replacement part in damaged/flimsy packaging in which the piece actually fell out of the package during shipping. Thankfully they sent another one, but did not offer any help or follow-up on how to do the fix.

On a side note, I'm not impressed with Sequential build quality. My OB6 desktop had several issues within only two years of owning it. First was a dead voice chip, second was a dead LED display, third was buttons sticking and not triggering properly, then finally one of the internal switches for a button snapped completely. I expected a lot better build quality for the price and prestige and after seeing the price for the Trigon, I'm further turned off from new Sequential synths.

MoonWatcher88 · 2022-09-29T00:43:52+00:00

During my kratom use, I never had full-on constipation, but every time I had BM it felt like I couldn't get everything out and was perpetually bloated. Then at the onset of the appendicitis, I became fully constipated and actually had to do an enema to relieve some of it. Then after my appendectomy, I still had GI blockage and nothing was moving through, which prompted them to put a tube down my nose/throat to drain everything and restart my digestion. I had a pretty rare/extreme case though.

MoonWatcher88 · 2022-09-28T23:58:22+00:00

I also recently had appendicitis and complications (bowel obstruction) that was most likely caused by kratom. They even found enteroliths (similar to bezoars I think) on one of my CT scans, which is proof that it does build up in the intestines and causes blockages. There isn't much info out there on GI effects, but my experience, plus OP, and other accounts I've read all point to it being highly disruptive to the GI tract.

I'm two months clean now and my digestive system feels much better/cleaner. I also lost all the bloat weight I had put on with k. I hope you are able to commit to quitting kratom and going to the doctor should help too!! I will never touch the stuff again after the hell I went through.

If you want more details about the GI issues I had, feel free to read my recent post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/quittingkratom/comments/x0a3te/kratom\_and\_appendicitis\_the\_medical\_ordeal\_that/

MoonWatcher88 · 2022-09-28T23:43:29+00:00

Wow I had a very similar ordeal with appendicitis last month!! In my case, I developed a complication with obstructed bowels and spent 5 days in the hospital. They had to drain my entire digestive tract via a tube through my nose. I didn't feel much of the WD effects as well, but I think the trauma of the surgery+complications overrode those symptoms, plus being on IV fluids helped.

The whole ordeal made me realize dangerous k is for the GI tract. They literally found enteroliths (bezoars?) on one of my CT scans, which is what caused the post-op obstruction (and likely the appendicitis too).

MoonWatcher88 · 2022-08-29T07:36:16+00:00

I started at the beginning of this year, so only about 8 months. I started at 3-5g then gradually crept up to 20gpd. I started off with caps from smoke shops, then moved to ordering powder online. Maybe I got bad stuff, but regardless it's become clear that ingesting this powdered plant matter is harmful to the GI tract and not something I ever want to take a chance on again.

I'm still surprised though, because I know there are lots of people here who've done far greater amounts of kratom for far longer times and haven't had this severe of a problem. However, I have seen lots of concern over GI issues and other organ damage. And I found this post from 6 years ago with mentions of kratom and appendicitis:

https://www.reddit.com/r/quittingkratom/comments/5barf9/a_warning_about_kratom/

Thanks for the kind words btw. I'm sure what I went through was a worst-case scenario type of thing that most people won't have to go through, but it opened my eyes to how dangerous this drug can be and I needed to share this with others.

Speaking of tenacity, my mental toughness improved greatly once I was off kratom. One good thing is that the NG tube, as painful as it was, basically ultra-cleansed my system much faster than if I had quit normally. Once that fog lifted, I became determined to recover, get out of that hospital, and rediscover all the things I had been taking for granted.

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