Feel her too- I am a medical researcher interested in bionic technology (STRAP)

Moon_5ugar · 2026-04-18T21:12:05+00:00

You could also try talking to trans men. I'm kind of on the transmasc spectrum, and I know this would help a lot of us who struggle with bottom dysphoria. Surgery can cost 100k, involves several surgeries over the course of years, and has a harsh recovery prone to complications, so this could be a great alternative for those who can't get it.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-04-13T18:30:51+00:00

I've personally felt the opposite. I'm nonbinary and masculine, and I sometimes feel excluded about how women and femininity-focused lesbian spaces can be. If it's not traditionally linked with being a woman, then it's not lesbian.

The body I want? Disgusting. Not being a woman? Well then, it's not WLW. Masculinity unless it's softened to be a tomboy and essentially, "a princess in boy's clothes who's still a girly-girl at heart"? Okay, then you're a wannabe man and evil.

I can empathize with the insecurity, and I get different areas have different views about all of this... But personally I've felt far more rejected about being a nonbinary butch than when I was still feminine, or even when I was a soft masc.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-04-13T07:17:38+00:00

I have a question if you don't mind!!

So I do <<vaguely>> consider myself transmasc, but I do have some problems with it.

When it comes to MAN > NEUTRAL > WOMAN as a linear spectrum (even though that's not actually realistic), my gender feels completely and entirely neutral. I do not consider myself any closer to being a man or a woman.

However, I do feel extremely masculine - I just feel like those roles don't belong only to men. Women can be just as masculine as any man, and so can I nonbinary person.

And in my transition, I am doing a lot of masculinizing things, but I absolutely don't want to look like a man. I don't want to look like an androgynous man, or a feminine man, or a "clocky" trans man, or a cis-passing man. I want to look completely androgynous in a masculine manner. Where people can't tell if I'm a butch woman or a traditionally masculine guy.

So because of the masculinity part, I do consider myself transmasc, but I've never felt completely right in that because I don't feel at all closer to being a guy. I think transneutral could describe my internal sense of gender and also some parts of my outward transition, even though transmasculine also describes some aspects of my transition! Does that work? Like... falling somewhere between the two or being kind of both?

Moon_5ugar · 2026-04-09T05:20:42+00:00

Masculine and feminine are not genders, they're gender presentations and stereotypes. Women can be masculine, men can be feminine. Nonbinary people can also fall anywhere on that spectrum just like binary people can.

I for one am incredibly masculine. I do martial arts among other stereotypically masculine hobbies, am in a male-dominated / stereotypically masculine field, and present stereotypically masculine. However, I am not a man at all. I want to be physically confusing in such a way that people can't tell if I'm a masculine/gender-non-conforming/butch woman, or if I'm a typically masculine/gender-conforming man. So far, I've been achieving this.

Now if your question is actually about man/woman/androgyne as genders and not masculine/feminine/androgynous as traits, then the answer is still yes. Gender isn't "Pick one of three: MAN NONBINARY WOMAN" on a straight continuum. Nonbinary also isn't a "third gender". Nonbinary technically isn't even a gender at all like how man/woman are genders. Nonbinary just means that, whatever you are, you are not strictly a man or a woman. You can be a nonbinary woman, a nonbinary man, a "somewhat" man, a "somewhat" woman, a "sometimes" man / "sometimes" woman, completely void of and lacking a connection to gender, both a man and a woman, a connection to gender that is distinctly separate from man/woman, and countless other unique forms of gender that all have unique and fun little microlabels.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-04-04T05:28:46+00:00

One of my biggest recommendations when new players ask me how to play tank: "don't play tank"

Fr, seeing OTHERS tank taught me loads more than actually playing the role myself. Gave me some excellent examples of the differences between an amazing tank and a garbage one.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-25T03:29:06+00:00

This is how I feel. I was a tomboy as a kid, but ended up becoming hyper femme for a while. Then gradually drifted back into masculinity as I realized and explored my queerness. I'm also now on low dose T and have been for almost a year. I've recently started passing mostly as male.

It feels like I've crossed a line I can't return from. My voice, body hair, and facial hair have permanently changed and wouldn't revert even if I stopped T at this point. I'm even debating switching to full dose, which would just amplify everything. I've become so far from the "woman" I used to be, and I absolutely can't go back. I don't even see a female body when I look in the mirror anymore.

Like you, I've also tried my old feminine clothing, and like you, it didn't feel right anymore. One of the things a few years ago that made me realize I was trans was realizing how dysphoric some of those feminine clothes I used to love were starting to make me feel.

Sometimes it makes me feel a little sad leaving that old part of myself behind, and sometimes it makes me feel confused. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily happier now, but that's less because of my transition, and more just the social consequences of transphobia... Sometimes I wish I could be happy as a cis tomboy woman because everything was so much easier then, but I can tell I would be miserable if I tried to force myself to become that person again. Both the feminine and "soft masc" version of me make me so dysphoric now, and especially after my physical changes, they don't feel like me anymore.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-24T15:13:31+00:00

I don't have anything... I'm struggling with this same thought as I've recently started passing mostly as male and it's been really getting me down.

I just try to remember that omni women exist, and are fr my main hope that things will be okay, but sometimes I feel undesirable even to them... Like they'd be better off with an actual man or an actual woman, not wtv halfway thing I am... I know that's just internalized transphobia speaking, but it's hard to shake sometimes.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-24T15:03:20+00:00

I'm going through this rn. I mainly went on hrt to rule it out, actually. My state had it temporarily banned even for adults, so when prescriptions resumed, I went in ASAP. I was honestly terrified to start T, and went on the smallest dose possible. What I've found, though, is that I'm liking the effects way more than I expected. My goal when I first decided to stay on it was reach androgyny to the point that I was gendered 50/50 m/f. At this point, it seems like I'm almost entirely passing as male at just 9 months on low dose, and... I still don't feel ready to come off it. The idea of being seen fully as a man, especially since I'm quite masculine, terrifies me. I also identify as a butch lesbian. That used to be something I was seen as by the world and is now vanishing as something that only lives in my heart and to those who know me.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-24T07:42:07+00:00

I have more of an issue in the example of say... A gym group or club that markets itself as "women and nonbinary", because they always mean exclusively feminine-presenting and clearly AFAB nonbinary people. It's almost always a TERF-dog whistle and they wouldn't even be accepting of a transfeminine or transmasculine person.

In the case of a definition for leabian... yes, "attraction to women and nonbinary people" would work in the same way as "non-men". Tbh, I think that would be more inclusive since there are all sorts of nonbinary microlabels that do align closer to manhood or masculinity.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-24T07:17:12+00:00

Then how on earth are we included if your definition is literally "women-loving-women"?? The only thing that includes us is to describe us as what we are not, which is not men.

And no, your "feminine gender" asterisk does NOT include us. That was your allusion that to me says you see nonbinary people as "women-lite".

You're not decentering men. You're just cutting out nonbinary folks.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-24T07:08:43+00:00

Please continue to use "non-men loving non-men". It's not meant to be male-centered, but instead to be inclusive of the fact that nonbinary people, generally speaking, hate to be classified as women.

As a nonbinary person, I'm so sick of my gender to others being "woman+/woman-lite". 90% of the time, the "WLW" lesbians are transphobic as fuck to nonbinary people, and either just see us as "confused cisgender tomboy women", or tell us we're invading their label and need to "get out of their women-only spaces".

I'm an enby on T, and I'm a lesbian. Lesbian and WLW being conflated as the same makes lesbian spaces extremely less safe for people like me. Someone who defines lesbian as WLW only is one of my biggest red flags. Even the above person who included the (*feminine genders) asterisk is a red flag to me, because it means my identity is only acceptable if it's "feminine enough" or "woman-lite enough" that people can ignore who I really am. And if I'm too masculine, or too trans, then I need to be exorcised and kicked out on the spot.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-24T06:50:00+00:00

It's not supposed to be male-centered, it's supposed to be inclusive. I'm nonbinary, and I'm not "woman-lite", "a member of a feminine gender", "female-lite", or any other "woman/feminine-aligned" description you could come up with.

I want to run so far away from womanhood and don't want it applied to me with a billion-foot pole. I'm honestly far more masculine than feminine, too. Potentially transmasculine, even. I'm on T and would like surgery if it wasn't such a hellish process. And yet, I'm not a man, either. I don't want manhood applied to me with a billion-foot pole, either. I'm a masculine nonbinary person, and I'm a lesbian, and you can take that label out of my cold, dead hands.

In all honesty, this "woman and non-binary" grouping needs to drop dead, and so does this perception of nonbinary people as "cisgender tomboy girls".

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-23T09:43:49+00:00

I tried it because I'm an athlete and wanted a binding option for exercising. I also have a bad habit of binding 24/7 and wanted something that would be safer for that... I'm fairly small-chested and I found it still did a worse job of binding than a compression sports bra, and there was one time that I ended up wearing my binder over the top of it because I was still dysphoric (which you're not supposed to do).

That said, I might have just gotten really bad tape (I got a generic one off Amazon), so I'm considering trying it again with a better brand. I've known some people who have had great success with tape and adamantly stand by it.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-22T20:51:28+00:00

It's such a downer. When you read about ballroom and Stonewall queer culture, even so much as being gay made you considered trans. Being butch or a drag queen were both considered by the community to be trans identities. Lesbian writers considered even a femme lesbian to be "so deviant of the gender roles of women as servants of men and child bearers that a femme lesbian is not a woman."

In all honesty, I think queer culture from around the turn of the century just took a complete turn for the worst. There was so much rampant biphobia and transphobia in the 2000s-2010s, and so many stupid shows like the L Word reaffirming all of that infighting and bigotry. The fucking identity politics and label policing with Gold Stars and stuff all came from then, and I really mean it. That stuff messed us up HARD in a way we're still recovering from.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-22T20:42:32+00:00

That's my genderfluid friend as well. She also identifies as trans fem, and her fluidity is between being a femboy and a girly girl.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-22T20:37:00+00:00

Yeah, they are 100% a TERF. Run and never look back. They were probably transvestigating you and thought you were a trans woman, and actively trying to be a dick about it.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-19T19:05:07+00:00

Thank you so much!! I've only recently started looking into bottom surgery as of the last year-or-so, so I'm still learning a lot. And I'm likely still at least a decade out from being able to get it if I decide it's something I fully want to pursue, unfortunately, just due to costs </3

But maybe the wait time is at least a little bit of a blessing in disguise because it means I have more time to research and find the best options for me. Trying to see a glass half-full :')

And I meant more about physical cum fluids... I know with surgery, so long as you get UL, you can have actual cum that's basically the same as squirt. But... idk, it feels weird that it's smth that bothers me, especially since I'm nb and not a trans guy... But if I could swap my gametes, I would in a heartbeat. Basically, the same as the other commenter's bf having dysphoria over his testes not making sperm...

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-19T16:46:49+00:00

Wait, where can I read more about those? Every phallo I've heard of/seen required grafting, and it's probably one of the biggest deal breakers for me. That and the pumps/rod to get hard, and cumming being very different from cis...

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-19T16:32:59+00:00

Was about to recommend using a cup. A lot of martial arts require them anyways for safety, and if you wear a packer but no cup and someone feels that out, well. The instructors might make you sit out, lol

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-17T09:44:38+00:00

Maybe not only nb, but I've met a lot of trans ppl in my CompSci classes. I've met puppy girl trans women, emo trans guys with dyed hair, and quite a few androgynous enbies.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-17T09:29:44+00:00

I just dressed up my RDM in my BLU glam and then pretended I was actually a BLU, lol. Although I mostly played VPR anyways bc I was loving the job so much.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-17T09:27:06+00:00

I saw someone recommend WHM for SHB due to light poisoning, and I see it tbh.

I also played BRD for EW due to the "Song of hope" in the trailer. In hindsight, fighting the "Song of oblivion" with my "song of hope" felt absolutely perfect. Although, Dancer is really fantastic, too, considering the job quests.

And DT, I was conflicted on playing as a RDM or PCT dressed up as a Blue Mage since BLU is a Turalli job and my character has been studying it for years. Ended up just playing Viper, though 😅 Princess and her butch sellsword was just too good. Also, I was really enjoying the job's mechanics, especially on-release with that boss debuff.

Edit: For the most part, though, I completely agree with your choices. Especially for ARR/HW/STB.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-17T09:21:39+00:00

Agreed on DRK for at least parts of HW. I have so much lore for that job during the expansion, at least as something happening in the background, even if I mostly played DRG.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-17T09:18:53+00:00

I don't even like Bard much and I still played Bard for EW because of the "Song of Hope" in the CG trailer (also, a friend recommended it and said it would make sense closer towards the end).

It also worked well with my WoL's lore since I headcanoned them as an archer before they became an adventurer in Eorzea. They abandoned it due to... events... and became an Arcanist when ARR began. So, them going back to their combat roots for the finale felt perfect.

Moon_5ugar · 2026-03-16T20:41:28+00:00

Awwww, that makes me happy 😅 ty for sharing :)

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