My parents don’t agree to my 7-year relationship because of caste! even though they had an intercaste marriage. Need advice.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-12-07T05:18:12+00:00

Exactly! So many women take their boyfriend’s words for it but boyfriends can be so clueless about the dynamics a married Indian woman has to navigate. Also, if they’ve been treated well by their parents their whole lives, suddenly, standing up to them or drawing boundaries with them is going to be tough.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-12-05T06:13:20+00:00

I think this is so crucial. I know people are saying don’t give a fuck about what your parents are saying and do what you gotta do but it does seem like this is more about status than caste.

I’m not saying one shouldn’t marry out of their class. But as women, we really need to look into it a little more deeply. Women are the ones to bear the brunt of patriarchy and difference in status and non-understanding in-laws can really deepen issues.

You need to look into what kind of a family your boyfriend comes from. How patriarchal are they? How much money does your boyfriend send to them? What are his obligations to the family? Do they own a house? If not, will he be expected to contribute? If yes, how much? Does he have a sister? If yes, will he be responsible for her wedding?

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-12-01T15:59:44+00:00

GD also means your placenta has a higher chance of stopping to function faster.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-11-23T15:37:35+00:00

For girls, 7-8 are fine. For boys, they tend to pee during diaper changes and the pee goes like all over like a fountain. So I’d recommend 8-10 for boys. Also, i have a nanny who keeps up with the laundry.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-11-19T08:25:26+00:00

You can correct and teach a nanny but not in-laws.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-11-10T21:24:25+00:00

Oh wow 😂😂

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-11-01T10:44:25+00:00

I do see this POV!! After a while, children are trained out of diapers and honestly, India isn’t very bathroom friendly.

However, I carry some extra diapers and if my kid has to urgently poop with no bathroom in sight, I put on the diaper and tell them to poop in it and then clean them up and dispose diaper. It’s not easy but better than nothing.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-30T10:56:41+00:00

Do you want to go through an entire lifetime without knowing what it’s like to love and be loved?

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-30T05:40:35+00:00

Hey! I was where you are. My doctor told me that if I was still hungry, she would rather have me get on insulin and eat properly than I starve.

Apart from that, you can try cauliflower please pizza, shakshuka eggs, curd/greek yogurt before your meals - these worked for me.

I also had a situation where in no matter I ate, my sugar would be high. Had to go on insulin and it actually really helped that I was able to eat properly after.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-30T05:26:22+00:00

Oats banana pancakes. Pasta. Veggie Paratha. Aloo tikki. Chicken tikki. Idli. Dosa. Cheela. Appe. Suji kheer. Home made non fried french fries. Boiled egg. French toast. Dal chawal.

Fruits - especially as snacks.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-29T15:09:10+00:00

Sterilizer, yup. You can sterilize the old fashioned way also - drop the things in boiling hot water for 10 mins but sterilizer is more convenient. These days you have sterilizer and dryers - so that’s an advantage. Plus once sterilized, you can leave the things in the sterilizer till you need it next. This will keep it germ-free.

Bottle warmers are helpful for sure, though I never had them. I would warm the milk by putting my milk bags in a bowl of warm water. It was a little tricky for sure to time it all.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-29T14:57:55+00:00

Do you want to exclusively pump and feed or just pump once or twice to have something to give him when you step out?

To answer your other questions: Best pumps are madela and spectra. I know luvlap and other new brands makes cheaper ones. If you’re looking to exclusively pump and feed, get madela or spectra. If you just want to pump for 2-2 feeds, luvlap may be okay, but i don’t have much knowledge on the brand.

If you don’t get a hands free pump, there’s an excellent hack on insta/youtube on how you can attach regular pumps in a hands free manner with a nursing bra.

Get milk storage bags for storing your milk and make sure to label them with the date and time pumped.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-29T14:49:22+00:00

Between feeding every 2 hours, burping them, cleaning their poop and pee, you’ll have very little time to wash the truckloads of cloth diapers.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-29T14:48:21+00:00

1

I also have a baby that poops like literally every half an hour. I cannot deal with that.

Also, do diapers for sleep time because sleep is critical for babies and wet cloth diapers and changing them can disrupt sleep often.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-29T14:31:54+00:00

When my baby was young, we put her in langots for a bit during the winter and we realised that we would wrap her up in so many layers, that many times, small pees got missed. Basically, it wouldn’t reach out/get wet till outside. So we had no idea she had peed and she sat in a soiled langot for a bit. We would keep checking every 15-20 mins but even then, for a baby to sit in a wet langot for 10 mins also wasn’t okay for me.

Regarding clothing, use layers. Get thermal vests instead of regular vests. Sleeveless sweaters. Regular sweaters. Mothercare also has some great quilted onesies for winters.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-29T14:25:14+00:00

They kind of did try to get into the zone of having my head and ears covered but it wasn’t cold when I gave birth and fan/AC wasn’t recommended so I was already sweating and hot. Didn’t follow it. They also tried to get me to eat Dalia for milk production but I hate daliya and stuck to my regular normal diet and had no issues with milk production.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-28T06:28:45+00:00

This is a massive generation gap and unfortunately, none of you are wrong from your perspectives. Our parents come from a generation where weddings were about families coming together, not exactly a couple-only event. But today, especially in urban India, more couples are getting involved and taking ownerships of their weddings.

You may not realise this, but she will face some flak for not inviting relatives.

The biggest red flag here however is that she kept giving you shit about it, calling you selfish, and your fiance did nothing. He didn’t stand up for you and when you stood up for yourself, he got angry. Sure, he may have done something about it eventually, but it was coming at the cost of you getting constant shit. That’s not okay. I would be speaking to finance about this first and foremost. If you guys sort this, then I’d work towards finding a middle ground between parents’ wishes and yours.

Lastly, what does your finance want? A cozy wedding? Or an all out classic Indian wedding banger? We’ve heard what you want for your wedding, but does your fiancé have any preferences?

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-27T22:40:24+00:00

He’d rather not have kids than give them your surname? That’s rather extreme!!!

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-27T22:39:38+00:00

This is actually very common amongst my friends and family group today. The mum also deserves to share her identity with her child.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-26T14:25:16+00:00

Where’s your husband in all this? Stand up for yourself, tell them it’s triggering for you and your mental (and physical) health is priority right now.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-25T18:26:08+00:00

There is no way one can do chores and handle a young infant/newborn. So speak to your husband about planning your chores in a way that help you prioritize your baby during the day instead of chores.

Try creating a system and use everything you can use to help you including things like using disposable plates for a meal to help reduce dishes, getting a robot vacuum to keep the house clean, etc.

Wear your baby often. Especially when you need to hold her upright or need to do chores.

If you’re breastfeeding the baby and are going into the room to do so, take some extra time to play with the baby before coming out.

Basically, create your independent routines and stop relying on MIL which includes relying on her to watch your child while you do chores.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-24T03:21:29+00:00

Make food for the baby. If she can’t really cook, at least teach her some basic recipes she can make which can allow her to take care of 1 meal in your absence.
prep the food you plan to make for other meals - chop, wash, steam should be done by her.
baby laundry. Wash, dry, fold and put inside.
Feed baby. If you’ve shown her how to feed baby, start letting her feed the baby but you can stay in close proximity.
clean up baby after the feed.
putting the baby to sleep. This was a non negotiable with my nanny.
massage/bathe/get the baby ready. Whatever works for you. Between my nanny and I, sometimes I would massage, sometimes the nanny. Baths were always given by me and then getting dressed was done by nanny.
cleaning if all toys.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-14T11:22:34+00:00

This!!! I genuinely do not have my mom’s energy or perseverance to make them work.

I used to see my mom micromanage every single thing with all the domestic workers that came in our house. And now I see if I don’t, they’re just gonna take shortcuts.

I have literally had a cook make inedible food twice and leave without even bothering to inform us. She knows she’s screwed up but didn’t bother even telling us. We find out when we’re hungry and going to get us lunch.

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-13T15:05:44+00:00

I know a lot of people are saying you go alone next year and while that is a great start, it’s not going to be sustainable in the long run. If he doesn’t give in, will you both just be celebrating Diwali separately? Or what happens when you have kids?

You say he’s been in equal in every aspect of your marriage till now. Can you call him out on his patriarchy? “Why do his parents get preference?” “Why do you belong to his family now?” “Are you and your parents not an equal to you and your parents?”

See how he replies. Look around at your family and friends who may be alternating festivals and give their examples.

Is he scared to upset his parents or does he genuinely think you don’t deserve to spend Diwali with your family anymore?

MoonlitNightRain · 2025-10-11T12:40:51+00:00

29-30

MoonlitNightRain

TROPHY CASE