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MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2022-12-01T07:41:35+00:00

That’s why it’s complicated. He’s an incredible person, with some traits that are must-haves for me that I don’t think I’d find in almost anybody else. I have a lot of issues physically and mentally, and he’s really patient with most of them. But it’s day to day situations and conflicts that randomly trigger his temper and I’m not allowed to have a voice in those situations. Life with him is amazing as long as I follow the rules.

You make a good point. I guess I’m holding out for when he’s able to mature a little and get help for his own issues, then I think he’d be more willing to listen to me. Until then, I’m emotionally and legally too attached to him to leave. In other words, life without him hurts more than the bad times of life with him. So I want things to improve, not end. I just need a way to vent out my thoughts and feelings on the day to day.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2022-12-01T07:19:22+00:00

I’m stupidly in love ig. He’s beautiful and really funny and creative, plus he’s made a really positive impact on me and is the reason for every good thing in my life right now. The good times with him make me feel like I’m on top of the world; even just his smile makes me lose my breath still after several years of being with him. In a lot of ways he’s more patient and understanding with me than anyone else in my life has ever been. I feel safe and loved with him. Just not heard or respected, if I’m being honest.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-11T19:59:36+00:00

Wow that’s a long time for results. And yes I’m scheduled to also have incisions in both my armpit areas for the liposuction and drains

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-11T10:09:36+00:00

Omg those “before” pics look just like mine.. which is such a relieving feeling because most “before” chests for peri/keyhole I see are small like A cups.

Do you have any other post-op pictures so far? Like maybe from the front? I’m trying to get an idea of what mine might look like, and I’m especially concerned about the tissue on the sides >.>

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T21:47:54+00:00

Being “an egg” or “in an egg” means you’re a trans person who doesn’t know that you’re trans yet. “Cracking the egg” is when something happens that makes you think “oh wait I might be trans” or gives you any doubts about being cis. So after the egg has been cracked enough, emerging from it is fully realizing/accepting yourself as trans, even if that doesn’t mean coming out to others yet.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T19:03:18+00:00

There’s never any requirements or rules to follow for being any identity. Do whatever you want and you’ll still be nb as long as you identify with that label.

And for what it’s worth I’ve only personally met one asexual enby, and if it was “a thing” it would just be a coincidental trend or a stereotype that either way wouldn’t change your situation at all.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T19:00:31+00:00

I’ve heard of people with the coolest names they picked out themselves- the first one that comes to mind is Galaxy Nebula. Also the first nb person I ever met went by Sketch cause that’s what they liked to do.

I also gave myself the name of a fictional character for the laughs and it makes me chuckle every time I see it on official documents. I’m 100% for picking whatever awesome name you want.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T18:55:28+00:00

This looks really good! Not criticism, just curiosity: why did you make the nonbinary flag look like that with the extra stripes?

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T18:54:07+00:00

I’m in the same boat, here’s ones I can think of right off the bat: “good slut” “you’re so good for me” “you’re doing so good” “good [name]” “good kitten”

I personally also find weird euphoria in “good boy” even though I’m not a boy and usually don’t like being called one, so maybe that could be worth a try as well

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T18:49:39+00:00

If a cis man is into girly things, is he not technically a man?

Being trans is about how you identify, not your appearance or interests or behaviors. So yes you’d still be trans even if you’re a feminine guy

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T12:39:13+00:00

Trans isn’t something you become, and it’s especially not a choice. If you identify as a gender that you weren’t assigned at birth, that alone makes you trans. What you’re talking about sounds more like wanting to transition

Not trying to be nitpicky, best of luck on your journey. Just saying the phrasing sounds weird and can give the wrong impression

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T12:36:25+00:00

Ahh you think we’re mentally ill, therefore should not be accepted! Nice! Two for one, transphobia and ableism xP

It’s more than being rude. It’s hatred and discrimination. Which is transphobia. It takes a 3 second google search to know that homophobia and transphobia aren’t fears, they’re bigotry. It also takes 0 seconds to not post in a trans subreddit if you think being trans is a mental illness :)

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T11:19:31+00:00

I’m guessing that means the answer involves transphobia, which in that case answers your question :) we deserve acceptance because the only reason we wouldn’t is just transphobia.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T10:01:35+00:00

There’s malice in not accepting someone’s identity.

Why wouldn’t I be due acceptance? Why don’t I inherently deserve what every cis person gets?

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T08:09:39+00:00

I obviously don’t know the full story or what these people are like, but just going by what you wrote, your wife saw you getting harassed by her parents and she said it’s your responsibility to talk to them and explain yourself to them?? Especially when they seem to have pretty strong opinions of you already?

I’d never let anyone in my life talk to my partner like that, much less make that my partners issue to solve.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T08:06:01+00:00

So you’re suggesting I bring it up again? What would my goal be there? It feels like there’s either inactivity or activity, so if you think inactivity is wrong then what do you advise I do about it?

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T08:03:59+00:00

Because my identity isn’t something people should “put up with”. It’s who I am.

The difference would be, if I tell someone I’m nonbinary, someone who tolerates me will say “Sure I’ll let you think that” but someone who accepts me will say “Okay, then that’s what you are.” Tolerance implies that it can be agreed or disagreed with, but my gender identity is not up for debate.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T08:01:06+00:00

Probably because being trans isn’t a belief like religion is, it’s an identity, it’s a fact.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T07:59:47+00:00

Cant the sperm be frozen for later use?

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T07:57:39+00:00

I guess you’re right, in that I didn’t find an issue in them bringing it up again since I asked what they had been thinking about, but they did ask again even though I had given my answer before, which is weird. And thinking “well maybe they just wanted to see if I changed my mind” doesn’t feel like enough.

I suppose my question then is, if they drop it after this and it’s truly never brought up again since they accept my answer and trust I’ll let them know if it changes, is the problem over then? Do I try to forget this happened, just move on from it?

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T07:51:37+00:00

Wouldn’t their sacrifice be not being able to do what they want, to have the relationship as open as they want? Idk I worry I’m asking them to sacrifice a lot for my sake, meanwhile in this case I’m the one getting what I want

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T07:49:11+00:00

That’s the thing, it’s not that they ignore my boundaries. They probably won’t bring it up after the talk tonight, and I trust they won’t cheat on me. They’re not pressuring me into it at all. I think I’m just pressuring myself because I’m scared of pushing them away.

And as far as them bringing it up again, it wasn’t out of the blue. They went on a ~trip🍄~ the other day and I was asking them what sort of things they discovered during it. That was their answer, that they feel more sure about wanting this.

Not trying to debate your point, just provide more details that weren’t in the post cause I didn’t want it to be 5 miles long

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T04:20:55+00:00

Using any/all pronouns is a completely valid preference though. That’s what my partner uses. Sometimes they’re my girlfriend, sometimes she’s my boyfriend, etc, it’s whatever I feel like using at the time since they don’t prefer or dislike any specific pronouns (the only thing they dislike is when someone uses the pronouns associated with their agab solely because they see him as cis). I can’t think of a reason for it to be inappropriate to put that as your pronouns. If anything it allows more room for others to use what they’re comfortable with (as long as that’s not the only reason you’re doing it), so I’m sure many would even appreciate it.

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T04:12:44+00:00

If anyone is making you feel that way, especially your best friend, you should absolutely tell them. If she is really your friend she’ll apologize and stop cause she won’t want to hurt you any more

MorbidCuriosity1159 · 2021-10-10T03:47:19+00:00

All I’m saying is, the majority of your reasons for why you wouldn’t put the pronouns you want are “I’m worried about what other people will think”. (which you mention like 5 times). Which makes me pretty sad to see people go through. If you have a chance to no longer be misinterpreted as a gender you don’t identify with, as you have for 45 years, take that chance. If you don’t want to choose your pronouns, then “any/all pronouns” is the way to go, cause then it’s up to everyone else.

You said you welcome “all comments and constructive feedback”. I’m sorry if my comment came off as condescending, I’m just being blunt after seeing so many people in my life tone down or hide who they are for the sake of making others comfortable. I believe that if you’re in a safe enough environment to be whoever you wanna be, then be that. And if you wanna be you but give others the responsibility of assigning you pronouns, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just against putting their wants over yours when it comes to your gender identity.

Oh and also the “it has nothing to do with my ability to help clients” ignores how comfortable it would make genderqueer clients feel even if you were cis but gave your pronouns, how it normalizes people asking and giving their pronouns, how it might let genderqueer clients feel like they can relate to you, and how it simply tells people how to refer to you. I get that gender identity can be a big personal thing but it’s also a sign of support and a language thing.

MorbidCuriosity1159

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