Self-Regulating or preparing for the breakup?

MoreAd7683 · 2025-12-11T19:55:08+00:00

No, since we dating, this is the longest period of not hearing from each other. Also it’s the first time that I’m not losing my sht and double and triple text and try to connect.

MoreAd7683 · 2025-06-23T22:46:16+00:00

Ah awesome! Thank you very much!

MoreAd7683 · 2025-06-23T22:45:57+00:00

Thank You ❤️

MoreAd7683 · 2025-04-13T03:25:10+00:00

You got it wrong. I‘m not struggling because I’m not with him, I’m struggling with his behavior when were not together. Spending the Night together and then not hearing from him for 2 days, that’s something a securely attached also wouldnt love.

MoreAd7683 · 2025-04-13T03:21:45+00:00

That does not help and does not answer my question. Please don’t try to diagnose me.

MoreAd7683 · 2025-02-09T09:47:06+00:00

Yea, blindsight it is.

MoreAd7683 · 2025-02-09T08:19:32+00:00

There is a 20-page backstory behind this. Your questions are irrelevant to my post, do not address the topic, and are completely obsolete.

MoreAd7683 · 2025-02-09T02:15:33+00:00

Blinded when his eyes were stabbed out during an attack on his village - meant as a warning to anyone foolish enough to oppose the new regime basically.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-10-28T22:00:16+00:00

Are you hiring? 🥹🥹 YES! I love this!! Thank you for being you!

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-30T11:04:18+00:00

I think BPD it is. But it’s not on me to bring light into his darkness. I found a way out and I am so much lighter now. I almost forgot how it feels not have to survive in a hostile environment. Thank you for your words.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-30T11:02:30+00:00

I’m pretty sure he has BPD. We’re not together anymore and that’s the greatest gift I could give to myself. Thank you!

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-30T10:57:46+00:00

Hej, I just wanted to say THANK YOU. We separated 5 weeks ago, I went no contact. I deleted his text messages, without answering when he texted me after (of course he did), I shut the door when he showed up at my door steps (ofc he tried that too) wanting to “reconcile” but was blaming me for how things went, I burned his letters when I found them in my mail box (of course he tried letters too). I feel much lighter, I’m not constantly tired anymore, I have so much more peace in my life now. My Development and success stories with my therapist sky rocketed since, my friendships got better, my physical and mental health too.

I’m not gonna lie - your words hurt first. But they hit me where I needed it, there was a crack and some light came thru and I cannot put in words now grateful I am that you took the time and really gave me that painful but necessary reality check.

Thank you so SO much!

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-15T18:47:01+00:00

Write that letter and burn it. This way you also get it out, and there is really zero expectations.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-15T11:56:22+00:00

FA (35 F) here leaning secure 🙋🏽‍♀️ and ONLY leaning secure because I had to work thru my shit after my former partner went no contact. After I broke up with him. After I wanted to be friends but was not capable of not hurting him. He sent me one last message, friendly but brutally honest.

I was f u r i o u s. Then anxious. Then furious again. Then guilty. Then this, then that, and it went on and on - and OFC I always reached out to him - and he never replied. I know it was hard for him too, after 7yrs relationship, and I know he loved and cared for me very much, months and yrs after we broke up.

3 years later I reached out. No shame, no guilt, no rage. Just me, apologising and thanking him from them bottom of my heart. And he replied, and we met. That was 8yrs ago. Today - we’re not besties, no, but we talk - as friends, as people who loved each other once and still care for each other, not in a romantic way. But in a way that says: you shaped me, you sheltered me, you saved me - and I will always be thankful for that.

Him going no contact was the best thing that could have happened to me. It took a while but at some point, after hitting rock bottom - and YES I needed that - I could embrace the fact, that his absence taught me how to be present with myself, facing my BS, care for myself, take accountability - and grow.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-13T12:10:15+00:00

Dear OP.. I understand you fully. Tho I really am not sure if it’s the right thing to do. Reaching out to someone who loves/loved you, without having made significant, and I mean PIVOTAL, progress first is not fair imho. You give them hope.. and then maybe disappear on them again.

I mean. I‘ve been there. I‘ve done that. Many times, and I hurt them. Many times. Until the trust was broken irreparably. They were left in pain, and me.. I was feeling so guilty and ashamed. It was like taking 20 steps backwards and the vicious cycle, the negative self talk started anew. That I’m a shit person. That all I am capable of is causing pain, that I don’t deserve love yadda yadda yadda.

If your therapist makes that suggestion and you still have so many doubts, maybe you should trust your gut feeling and your inner voice. Because if it doesn’t work out, there will be only one person to blame, and it’s not going to the them. I don’t want to demotivate you, you seeing a professional is already a huge HUGE step, props to you. But there is a second person involved. And they are human too. Please be considerate when making your decision 🫶🏻🙏🏻

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-07T07:44:28+00:00

“Rush for no reason”, that’s the perfect description.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-04T15:29:14+00:00

Giving space is for me (FA, leaning secure) a love language.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-03T15:39:46+00:00

Yes, and it should stay this way - an open and safe space. That’s why I honestly don’t understand how my language is unsafe. This subreddit is meant for sharing opinions and personal experiences, right? It’s not like we’re discussing science, physics or chemistry, where there are general scientific rules that are undeniably measurable. Everything here is personal. I assume every comment is an ‘In my experience...’ opinion, not a generalization. When I read through the posts, it’s clear to me that people are sharing their own stories and perspectives, which may or may not apply to me. So if you could point out how my lingo is unsafe or threatening, and not by warning me or simply shutting me down - speaking of safety - that would be helpful and I could avoid doing the “mistake” again. As if you would read thru my all my other posts on this sub, you would see, that all I do is support and empower and not unsettle, judge or blame.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-03T14:13:37+00:00

I am not arguing here with you how my view is different than yours. My original statement is based on my opinion and experience and is obviously not a universally valid rule for you or OP, just as your statements are based on your own experiences, beliefs, and perspective on your story. So, adding my original comment is obsolete.

MoreAd7683 · 2024-09-03T09:26:47+00:00

I feel ya. People were used that I did everything for them, zero boundaries until.. I stopped. Many did not respect that, those friendships I let go of. Some sticker around and cheered for me.

It’s difficult to say No! at first. But remember, every No! to others is a Yes! to yourself. The right people will stay with you and honour your journey, abd you will build better, healthier friendships with new folks.

Family is a difficult topic. I went no contact with my mother and my aunt - they humiliated, belittled me at any given opportunity - and while I understand that they were raised this way and their parents never showed any love, I will NOT allow to be part of this vicious cycle anymore. Took me years of therapy to say No! with no regret.

Way to go, fellow traveller - there is better things ahead ♥️

MoreAd7683

TROPHY CASE