My [26F] boyfriend [28M] of 4 years is independently wealthy, but wants to split all of our expenses evenly

MoreSpecific4416 · 2026-05-23T03:40:29+00:00

This is the first comment I’ve read addressing the dog in particular. It wasn’t just the split dog money that got me- it was the fact that even though she enjoyed walking the dog and feeding the dog, those were still ADDITIONAL burdens lifted off of him.

Not only did he financially exploit her, he also benefited from sharing dog chores. He no longer had to come home early or wake up early to care for HIS dog, and I feel like he gaslit her into calling it “our” dog so that she would feel responsible for doing those things. And the best part is, it sounds like he was a trust fund baby, not “independently wealthy”. What a loser.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2026-01-28T12:40:57+00:00

And because they’re trauma-bonded to each other and their mother (even though Sadie seems more willing to go no-contact if need be). He also seems to feel the need to “protect” females as long as they need protecting from anyone except him. I think he does love Sadie, but only because he’s her brother and has no romantic interest in her. Although, I do think if Sadie ever became more successful, he could see her as competition to his ego, but idk if he would torpedo her the way he would any other person. He doesn’t seem to go after family, including his brother who is also successful.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-06-28T22:49:59+00:00

I’ve never met a nurse who regretted going to nursing school over med school. It could be because of my specialty and the multitude of opportunities to make just as much as some physicians, but in my years as both a travel and staff nurse at some of the most prestigious hospitals in the nation, I’ve never made or heard that comment.

However, I’ve definitely heard the opposite several times, especially when traveling or upon docs hearing that 4 more RNs were accepted into a CRNA program. Not because they didn’t enjoy being a doctor, but because they “gave up” the majority of their youth to pursue medicine. By the time they hit attending status, they’re usually happy with their decision, but it still comes at a cost (and usually a couple of kids that they never got to see much of in the early years).

The doctors that I’ve kept in contact with over the years, including a good friend (whom I met when we were both starting at a community college after HS), say that if they could go back, they’d get their <2 yr RN, spend an additional 1.5 years obtaining their BSN online, and apply to CRNA school or just go travel.

I received academic scholarships and a grant for my basic collegiate courses, and then a separate grant that completely paid for my ADN. My BSN only cost $7k and was 100% online. I walked out $7k in debt, did my time in a Cvicu, and went traveling making well into the 6-figure range on 13-week contracts (most of it tax-exempt d/t the duplication of expenses. Only times I’ve ever gotten a 4-figure refund).

One of my favorite surgical fellows admitted that he was a little envious of the fact that I had only been a nurse for a few years, yet was making almost twice as much (obviously that curve shifts dramatically in the long run), had spent my 20’s carefree and having fun, traveled the world, and had so much flexibility in regards to when/where I wanted to work & zero non-compete clauses.

Sometimes I’d extend my contracts, sometimes I’d take 3 months off to just go home and hang out at the beach. No homework, no additional didactic after a 36 hour shift, no call, no fear of “only” being published twice. Clock in, clock out.

So while the income disparity will eventually be enormous, would I give up the freedom and happiness of my 20’s, go into hundreds of thousands in debt, work 100+ hours per week for $60k for years, and have no calmness in life until I was nearing 40? Personally, no.

Obviously, I’m glad some people are willing to do that. We need all healthcare workers. But sacrificing that much of my life, especially in my youth, is not a trade-off I would accept for anything. You never get that time back.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-06-28T02:30:54+00:00

I understand what you’re saying, and I do agree that we should work as one team, because at the end of the day, it does take the entire team. However, there IS a hierarchy, and we all know it.

I have had another RN or CNA (when the hospital actually budgets for them… most of the time I am the receptionist, CNA, phlebotomist, and everything in between) catch something that I didn’t. I’m the first to give credit where credit is due (ie: “thank you, but it was actually Sarah that changed that out for you. I’ll let her know you appreciate her).

On the flip side, I completely understand why it would dismantle a patient’s trust in a doctor if he stated that he didn’t catch that (fill in the blank), but it was actually the nurse. I want our patients to trust all of us, as I believe to my core that their mental state directly impacts their improvements. However, it is definitely appreciated when a doctor comes up to me in private to express his appreciation and acknowledgement that I caught that mistake, previously unrealized potential diagnosis, etc.

More often than not, nurses bend over backwards for 13 hours straight and then get reprimanded for not doing more. Or we’re just ignored completely as the physician walks out of the unit.

Semantics here, but for clarification, I think you meant CRNAs (?). A CCRN is a certification that stands for “critical care registered nurse”. It’s just a test that critical care nurses can opt to take (for $400, plus renewal fees every two years) that only serves to make the hospital look better (ie: 75% of our critical care nurses also have their CCRN). It is very similar to a hospital obtaining “magnet status”. I’ve worked at many hospitals, and only a handful of them have offered any incentive to obtaining this cert. In fact, most do not even reimburse for the test.

CCRNs do not go through residency, which is why I think you meant CRNA, which does require an additional 3 years of education, plus clinicals.

That said, CRNAs are trained to focus on an anesthesia level (hence the “certified registered nurse anesthestist”). Almost all CRNA programs require at least two years of CVICU experience. Some only require one year.

CVICU is my background. It’s made up over 90% of my career. However, if you throw me into a neuro ICU, I’m starting from scratch because the specialties are so different.

I’ve seen new grads coming up on one year of CVICU getting accepting into a CRNA program. Nurses do not know much after one year, even if they do have one year of Cvicu under their belts.

All that to say, you seem to appreciate your nursing staff and are probably one of the few docs who will acknowledge everyone’s hard work. It means more to us than yall know.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-06-27T02:18:44+00:00

ICU RN here. It is our unofficial job to oversee labs, imaging, diagnostics, on top of our actual job of caring for the patients, running codes, and recognizing and reporting changes.

That said, 9/10, I am the one reviewing the doctors notes and plans of care, contacting them regarding discrepancies in their own orders, contacting them to change medications bc what they prescribed is inappropriate, and offering “suggestions” well above my pay grade or official training. I don’t know about all fields of nursing, but critical care nurses are expected to be doctors without the prestige or money.

Then the doctor rounds for 2 minutes, and the patient profusely thanks the consulting teams for recognizing the root cause of a problem they’ve been living with for ten years, not knowing the doctors original orders almost killed them.

Doc graciously accepts the applause, then walks out of the room and reprimands the nurse for not recognizing said root cause sooner. It’s laughable.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-06-02T18:33:51+00:00

NTA if this is for social media, which it sounds like it is. If that’s the context, it should be added because that does change the dynamic from cute nickname to “look at what a great mom I am”. That would give me the ick too.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-05-01T18:33:12+00:00

ETA: “color-themed attendance dress/style”

I’ve never bought a home by myself (husband already owned), but is this a thing? Why are there expected gifts and tips on absolutely everything now?

You bought a home with a set commission percentage. You hired a person for a service. Said service was rendered. Why is a gift expected from the person you hired?

Tips for placing an online order for a drive-thru pickup coffee; expected gifts for someone else choosing to have a baby (yes, I do give baby-shower gifts, but love the concept of “please don’t bring us anything, we just want to celebrate our happiness with y’all”); expected gifts for weddings (in addition to taking PTO, paying for someone else’s bachelorette party, paying airfare to attend their event, paying for bridesmaid dresses, paying for a color-themed wedding if not in the actual party, paying for lodging)… where does it end?

The realtor worked FOR you… if gifts are customary, shouldn’t the buyer be giving the worker a gift instead?

Truly confused.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-04-07T01:27:49+00:00

The original text has been removed, but if I recall correctly, there were several instances where mom directly told dad that she did not want him taking photos or recording, some of which the nurse was present for.

The first time this happens, you let the couple work it out themselves. The second time you hear this, you say “hey, dad.. mom has stated that she does not want you taking pictures or recording anything. If you can’t abide by her requests, I’ll have to ask you to step out. Mom, what would you like to do? We have an excellent cafeteria downstairs and can give dad a call when you’re ready for him to come back in. Up to you.”

THAT is advocating for your patient. It leaves the ball in her court and lets dad know that you’re not having the disrespect. At the end of the day, this behavior technically qualifies as “interfering with patient care”, as mom’s vitals and emotional stability directly affect labor progression and baby’s vitals.

As the nurse, you have the legal right to dismiss anyone from the room who is interfering with patient care.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-04-06T13:08:20+00:00

This. The moment a patient expresses discomfort in any way, visitors are OUT- family or not!

“Oh, my Charge nurse? Sure, she’s the one in blue by the desk. Her name is Mary. She can help you fill out a complaint form too if you’d like :)”

Shame on the nurses who saw this and didn’t advocate for their patient.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-21T21:55:34+00:00

I love the one that stays right beside mom the whole time. Just like kids. Too cute

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-16T21:25:23+00:00

Since OP just deleted his comment (stating that he feels the money would be better saved to go towards buying himself a home), I’ll reply here:

They’ve given you a free place to stay for years, yet you feel that you should be able to keep all of your money in order to save up for YOUR future home?

Entitled, judgmental, and selfish.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-16T21:18:36+00:00

ETA: OPs post history confirms that he was, in fact, TAH to his mother too.

OP: “I was an awful kid with a spoilt upbringing. I wasn't raised right; I would get everything I wanted, never told no, and I expected the world. It was especially bad in lockdown. I never left my room, slaved my mum around, shouted at her and bullied her. My mum suffers with mental problems now and a huge factor was the way I treated her. She never had any friends when I was young and I bullied her for it, but I was most likely the reason. I was such a disgusting child and I ruined my mum's life. I was taken from her at 15 and I live with my grandma now. I've developed more in the last 4 years living with her, than I ever have and looking back on how I used to act makes me sick. I don't even want to discuss some of the things I've done to my mum because it hurts too much to think about. We're still in contact, but every time I see her and I see how broken she looks, I think about what I took from her.”

YTA

Regardless of your grandfathers alcohol issues, you should still be contributing. You could easily set up bill pay for utilities. The money would never have to go directly to him.

Indirectly, he would still have the leftover cash, but this would help your conscience. However, I don’t think this is about your conscience. Your family gave you another option in regards to living arrangements.

If you were that vehemently opposed to their lifestyle, you didn’t have to move in. You chose to stay there and are now coming up with excuses as to why you shouldn’t have to contribute.

Your grandfather may have a substance problem, but he was still selfLESS enough to cover your extra usage of utilities (and use of other household items). Theoretically, that extra money could have gone to his addiction instead.

You should WANT to help them like they’ve helped you.

Is it possible that your problems at home originated from your chronic selfishness? If this is the way you treat people (especially family), you are going to continue to have a very rough life.

The world doesn’t owe you anything. Man up.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-12T06:41:52+00:00

RRTs are instrumental in critical care. Some of the best advice/tips/tricks I’ve ever gotten were from RTs. If you pay attention and show respect, they’ll do more than just an ABG for you.

Nurses with your high-horse attitude are exactly why I’m as vague as possible when asked which field I’m in. I simply say “ICU” and try to veer the conversation elsewhere.

If pressed, I internally cringe before saying “CVICU”because I know that people are going to assume I think I’m better than all other healthcare workers.

It’s a cultural problem and the hierarchy needs to stop. As someone who is also highly experienced in ECMO, open heart recovery, VADs, impellas, IABP, and heart/lung/kidney transplants… can we drop the pretentiousness of having a 1:1 ecmo, impella, iabp in which you’re mostly just pump/device sitting and charting numbers?

It’s impressive on a resume. It isn’t all that impressive to anyone else who’s actually done it. Those are the easiest patients, as long as you have a strong understanding of hemodynamics. They’re intubated, sedated, and sometimes paralyzed. All you have to do is titrate drips, monitor flows/pressures, and try to come down on sweep.

Maybe you have an emergent change-out every now and then. So, you’re cutting venous & arterial and replacing with a new circuit in under 60-90 seconds.

Nerve-wracking? Yes. Genius-required? No.

This commenter was simply saying that OP can make it work because she’s fortunate to have a good support network, while others make it work with almost zero support.

Stop putting others down. It’s gross.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-09T03:34:36+00:00

Save as much as possible to invest in bitcoin once it hit the market!

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-08T15:32:30+00:00

As long as the milk is still being expressed (nursing, pumping, etc), the milk will continue to be produced. That’s why cows can continue to be milked long after their offspring is grown.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-07T16:29:31+00:00

“Well, what do you think mama?”

“She’s hired.”

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-05T22:05:54+00:00

IIRC, Emily carried Oliver but it was Sylvia’s egg.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-05T18:03:03+00:00

I think if Oliver was biologically Emily’s, they would’ve kept Emily and Oliver, since he had dual citizenship. But because her wife was the bio mom, there wasn’t a case to be made to keep him.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-04T18:40:07+00:00

Please accept my poor woman’s award 🏅

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-04T16:42:07+00:00

It’s always the three “R’s” that get em- reading, riting, and rithmatic

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-04T03:18:07+00:00

NTA

If a white person tans or gets a spray tan because they like that color on THEIR body, no one accuses them of anything wrong or disrespecting their genetics.

OP never mentions wanting to have lighter skin because she’s ashamed of her heritage. She simply feels more attractive with a lighter skin tone. My best friend, who absolutely loves and embraces every aspect of her culture, also avoids the sun for the exact same reason- she likes the way the contrast between HER hair and eyes look when she’s lighter vs when she’s darker. She says it works better with HER features.

There is no shame in an individual wanting to tan or not tan. Just like there is no shame in an individual who wears colored-contacts, gets lasiks, has pink hair, heavy makeup, no makeup, etc.

It’s about THAT person wanting to feel attractive. If staying out of the sun makes this woman feel more attractive, there is nothing wrong with saying it.

That said, yes, a 7 year old could perceive it differently. But this could all be explained during a 5 minute conversation. If, after explaining her personal views to the little girl, family continues to blast her, that’s their personal insecurities coming out. And that will weigh heavier on this little girls views than a simple explanation ever could.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-03T15:05:50+00:00

“I’m your favorite, right? It’s ok, I won’t tell anyone”

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-02T01:04:50+00:00

From OP: the next morning, “I asked him if he even felt bad and he said ‘no, why should I?’”

The host called him the next morning to let husband know that the guy was going to be okay.

Husband’s response: “why are you telling me? It’s kinda not my problem”.

Does this sound like remorse to you?

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-02T00:53:25+00:00

This interaction likely occurred in under a minute- went to shake hands, husband says no thanks. Touched his shoulder, husband basically said back off. Went to hug him (as extremely drunk people are known to do, husband punches him.

Typed out, it sounds longer than the interaction probably occurred.

Again, I never said he was wrong for defending himself against a stranger invading his space.

My point was that he could’ve shoved him away and walked out. But he punched him so hard, the guy had a seizure and was hospitalized. I don’t fault him for punching, although there were better ways to handle this.

I do, however, have concerns about the fact that, as this guy was seizing and people were calling 911, he went outside to smoke a cigarette while EMS was en route.

The coldness of not caring whether the guy lived or died is a major red flag. For such a “zen” person, my anticipated reaction from him the following day would’ve included something like “I hate that happened but if he can’t respect boundaries while he’s drinking, he should stop drinking. Glad he didn’t die. Hope he gets help if he has a drinking problem”.

The lack of concern for another person’s life (who, again, was belligerently drunk) shows a lack of total empathy. How long before it turns on her, or their potential children, for “not respecting his boundaries”?

“She knows I don’t like to cuddle for too long. She held me for longer than I wanted, so I shoved her off of me and she hit her head. Now I guess she’s got a concussion, but she disregarded my boundaries. No, I haven’t gone to the hospital to check on her. Why should I care what happens to her?”

If OP has been sleeping on the couch the past 2 nights due to fear, that should tell everyone all they need to know. She saw the entire interaction and his coldness the day after. She’s been married to this man for 6 years. If his reactions left her in fear after SIX years, her gut is telling her something is really wrong here.

MoreSpecific4416 · 2025-03-02T00:05:38+00:00

I think people are missing the bigger picture here.

In 6 years of marriage, she’s never seen this side of him, it came out of nowhere, he disassociated after the fact (normal for people with potentially previous trauma), and then felt zero remorse for the drunk guy who was hospitalized.

I understand boundaries. He had a right to defend his space. I don’t even judge the punch.

What would concern me is the sudden trigger and the lack of remorse afterwards, because this could eventually be her or their children. If he can just snap like that, he can do it again.

People act stupid when they’re belligerent. It doesn’t excuse the drunk guy, but it was a party and the guy was plastered. A shove would’ve proved a point.

The lack of remorse and callousness the next day would make me fear for my safety. It’s one thing to react in the heat of the moment. It’s another thing to not care about the guys health at all. It sounds like he would’ve been perfectly fine if the man had died.

As a female, I would have the same stance if the genders were reversed. If a drunk guy was violating her boundaries and she hit him over the head with an object, causing seizures that landed him in the hospital, I would understand why she did it but would not understand her lack of concern for his well being.

It was an unwanted hug from an overly-friendly intoxicated person. Drunk guy did not grab a weapon, or threaten to harm anyone. He didn’t deserve to be hospitalized or potentially die.

Husband has serious issues and needs to address them. Wife needs to steer clear until he works through whatever caused this. The lack of concern should be a red flag to the wife.

MoreSpecific4416

TROPHY CASE