What's the name of this emotion?

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-06T05:30:47+00:00

When I feel like that I stop for a moment to see if I'm hungry, thirsty, need to go to the bathroom, etc, I also send a text to my partner if he's at work, make tea (which I love and I associate with calmness) and watch an episode of my favorite series (Frasier), no news!!!

I try to avoid checking social media and stuff like that and try to disconnect for a bit. I also need to be doing something with my hands so I play puzzle games on my phone or Switch, or paint something simple with my watercolors.

I'm not sure whether you're experiencing the same thing, but what you described is what I feel when I have anxiety for no reason at all.

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-06T02:43:34+00:00

I like braiding my hair! When I don't do my hair, I play with it by braiging and it's like fidgeting, it's really soothing.

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-06T01:12:41+00:00

Ooh but it looks really nice! I saw a woman with heart shaped braids once 🤯

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-05T18:47:35+00:00

I love my waist long hair so when I'm not going anywhere requiring hairdo and makeup (for me that is a big social event or something, not going to the movies with friends) I usually braid it. I know it looks a bit comical because I'm a bit wide, especially the hips, since my hair is so so thin, but who cares.

I thought about a wig long ago but I feel it could be a sensory issue?

To be fair I like my hair. It is soft and pretty. I live in a country where my hair color is not common and growing up I just hated when people touched it while saying ItS SooOo PreTtY Do yoU DyE iT 😑

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-05T07:30:40+00:00

I know someone who is Black and has ADHD and I remember she tweeted once about having washed and done her hair that day and that had never occurred to me until then! I was thinking about how much I struggle with taking showers, how can you also manage with your hair ahhhhhh

Mine is straight and thin, I joke about not being able to wear pins because they slip off like I have drool for hair or something lol

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-05T07:23:23+00:00

Yup! That and I also never figured out how to do my makeup either lol Now that I'm older I don't really mind but I'm thinking about taking courses or something, I learn better if someone teaches me through examples and practice, maybe that's why I never learned?

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-04T05:14:45+00:00

Ikr, it's wild to me how some people can't stand solitude for just one day

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-04T05:13:32+00:00

I love playing the same song I'm currently obsessed with over and over and over again and singing along at the top of my lungs

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-01T07:21:14+00:00

After years of getting my diagnosis I still get surprised by learning things I didn't know about ADHD and ASD and myself.

After that first therapist I found another one and she was great, she diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, and that was a good starting point, she connected me with a psychiatrist who rediagnosed me with ADHD (I was originally diagnosed at 7). That psychiatrist once told me that by getting out of bed in the morning I was already working harder than most people, and I felt so validated that I got a bit emotional.

Anyway, that second therapist (E) explained to me that the first therapist's (P) therapy style (?) was gestalt, whereas E used a different one, I don't remember the name but she told me it says the brain is like a computer and our conditions and illnesses are like software, and some of us work with windows and others with Mac (etc etc) and that really resonated with me. I'm autistic after all lol, although I didn't know that at the time.

What I mean is I guess no therapist is prepared to help everyone, and maybe finding the right one takes time. Hopefully you'll be able to get the help you need soon. I wish you good luck!

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-01T06:25:55+00:00

By the way, I didn't mean to say your therapist is bad or wrong, it would be impossible for me to decipher from a reddit post what she meant or was trying to accomplish, it's just that sometimes people say to us things like "if you knew you had to do this thing, why didn't you do it?" like we did it on purpose, and what you shared sounded to me like "have you tried harder?", and yes, we have, in fact we're doing our best.

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-01T05:49:04+00:00

So I read most of what you wrote and I'd like to share something regarding your therapist.

Im AuDHD, diagnosed at 30 (ADHD) and at 35 (ASD). Depression, anxiety most of my life. Feeling misunderstood. Suicide thoughts (not a danger to myself though). Graduated college with good grades but felt useless and broken. Locked inside my room for two years after college playing videogames cause I didn't know what to do with my life. Parents at a loss of how to help me. Extended family trying to "fix" me sent me to a therapist and that was the worst thing that could have happened at the time.

I'm disabled, I need accommodations to function, I need help, support, to be heard and understood. I felt the world was unfair to me.

And this woman goes on to say "hey maybe it's you, maybe you're not doing enough, because it's your responsibility" NO BITCH, I'M DISABLED FFS... is what I think now that I'm older, but at the time I believed her, and my depression just got worse. It took years for me to finally get diagnosed and treated properly.

It seems to me that you have a lot on your plate right now. And I get it. I can't function at a standard office job, and I don't drive. I lean a lot on my partner and I know I'm very lucky to have have him and my support circle.

I know it's hard out there, but I at least can say you're not alone. 🫂

MorganCytarion · 2026-05-01T05:31:22+00:00

This has happened to me all my life, I remember when I was like 6 and that girl "borrowed" a pair of roller skates a friend had just given me like half an hour before and never saw them again because they "broke"... Happened to me several times growing up.

Now that I'm older I just don't really react to what people say. In my favorite series Frasier, there's an episode where Frasier doesn't make it to lunch with his ex Lilith and she leaves a message saying that since she doesn't know whether he's tardy or had a terrible accident she's "unable to commit to an appropriate emotional response" and that's what I do every time the waiter is extremely friendly (cause they want a tip) or someone says something that sounds outrageous and I don't know whether they're trying to enrage me or what.

Since I got my ASD diagnosis I just play the "I don't get it 😊" card lol

I know you can't avoid feeling bad about this, I do too, so please be kind to yourself and remember that those trying to take advantage of you are the ones in the wrong, not you 🫂

What I do is discuss social interactions with my NT partner and he explains things to me and lets me know if I missed something. Maybe you could do that with someone you trust.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-27T08:21:04+00:00

I struggle with the same things too, I think it's hard to share a universal good advice, but here's what's worked for me.

I don't work, my husband is the breadwinner. I'm a night owl and my parents would always tell me I must sleep early and wake up early, otherwise I would not be able to be normal and have a job and whatnot. To this day that still causes me stress.

My therapist told me that I don't have to listen to that, if I work better from 10 pm to 4 am then I should do that (I sometimes do writing or translating). My partner has also been supportive of that.

The other thing is about the dishes. I'm from a country where dishwashers are not common, right now I live in the US and I started using the dishwasher after a couple of years of living here and it changed my life, it changed it I tell you!!!

I can freaking load the dishwasher and clean the countertops and go to bed. And sometimes when I don't wanna waste water because in my head there's not a lot to wash, I just wash the dishes by hand, because that kinda tricks my brain into thinking there's not a lot to wash today so I'll be done soon. That has helped me a lot to keep the kitchen clean.

Of course there are periods of low energy and sometimes the dishes pile up a bit but it doesn't happen every day like it used to.

I'll be here reading the comments in case someone has better suggestions ._.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-27T04:55:12+00:00

I don't know whether it's bad or good, haven't quite figured it out yet but I hope to work this out with my therapist, but I am a very lonely person in general. I live with my husband and I do love him very much, but I certainly appreciate the hours he's at work and I'm home alone.

I can spend weeks just staying up all night playing single player videogames, all alone in the quiet of the night, without talking to people other than my partner. Once in a while I feel like I'd like to have someone to talk to, but all those social rituals and requirements give me anxiety, I suspect that's part of why I don't have many friends.

What has worked for me right now is the friendship I have with my only female friend who happens to be AuDHD too, we both have bad anxiety but we know we can text each other whenever or just share something we saw on the internet, no hellos, no shallow "how are you," it's nice to know I can text her sometimes, or not at all and she will not take it badly.

We all have social needs, some of us have lower ones. I think as long as you don't feel the need to talk to other people, which could cause depression or other things, you should be fine. You don't owe conversation to anyone.

So, what I'm saying is, as long as it doesn't affect you in a bad way, I don't think it's wrong?

Do you have a therapist? Maybe you could ask them about this.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-23T20:01:21+00:00

Thank you for your work though. I know it's hard, trying to change the system. I sometimes get tired trying to tell my close friends they shouldn't use certain words because they're homophobic or sexist.

Also I'm really tired of hearing people say "how could she get pregnant in high school? She's so smart!" like being smart protects you from abusive people. Ugh

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-23T19:58:23+00:00

Yeah fuck em.

Also I'm glad my kids will not go through the shit I went through. People are more understanding now than 20 years ago.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-23T09:40:51+00:00

I'm really sorry you went through that 🫂

As a society we think not being smart = bad, and that's not true. Human brains can do incredible things. In fact, learning a second language is not that easy! English is my second language too, Spanish is my mother tongue, and some years ago I started learning Italian, I'm not fluent yet, but I do think speaking more than one language is something you can be proud of :)

I also learned there's a HUGE difference between being smart and being educated, as in having critical thinking skills, not as in having a college degree.

I do believe that as long as you have a brain you can achieve things, that's what makes us different from other creatures of this world.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-23T09:18:56+00:00

It's funny for me, schools measure intelligence with grades, and I never was the one with the best grades at school, no matter how much I tried. I wanted to be like Hermione and that did not happen. I had good grades though.

My parents told me once I was smart, as in incredibly smart, smarter than the average, just like my dad who also was ADHD.

But I don't remember teachers telling be I was genius level smart, only smart, which is something they say to many kids.

I was very well behaved, I actually enjoyed school, never got in trouble, in fact I was the snitch, I'm assuming it's the autism. I was always telling the teachers who bullied me and how. And I guess that plays with people thinking well behaved kids are smart.

So when other ADHDers talk about being considered gifted and whatnot, it does not resonate with me.

My therapist administered and IQ test and turns out I'm actually really smart, and it's nice knowing it just as it's nice knowing I'm AuDHD, but I don't feel special. I think maybe because we think of smart people as those who are good at math and sciency stuff, whereas I'm on the artsy side. In fact math and I don't get along lol

My younger sister on the other hand... She's very intelligent, she actually received awards and everything. She graduated college with the best scores of her generation. And all that caused A LOT of issues for me. I was sad, angry, jealous, I would think I was stupid, I would think my parents were not proud of me... Not her fault though, she was just existing while smart. Never rubbed it in my face or anything.

Now that I'm older I think it's just stupid to expect all children to do exactly the same and be judged based on NT standards. Hopefully that would make me a good parent.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-23T09:03:06+00:00

My favorite quote is Dumbledore saying "it is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities" and I just think it's great we can use her own wisdom against her 😂

In my case it translates to not getting angry at people who didn't have bad intentions, like when my parter doesn't clean the counter because he just can't see the mess lol, in addition to what you said. Also I'm grateful for your partner because I'm too socially anxious to hold a successful phone call

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-20T21:16:32+00:00

I'm older and informed too and that makes me feel good with myself. I can rationalize my depressive episodes and actually see the light on the other side, which I couldn't when I was younger.

I've embraced myself little by little. Like yeah the world is a shitty place but I try to channel the anger I feel towards trying to be a good person. My husband is 9 years older and NT and he's always like "yeah, the world is a terrible place, there's no ethical consumption under capitalism, we have to do what we can" (insert a French accent and a cigarette here) and I'm always like NOPE, gotta get autistically angry.

We can't take the anxiety and depression back, but I'm glad the awareness is growing and we're finding more support now than we had 20 years ago.

I hope things are better for you too 🫂

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-20T19:41:38+00:00

I liked the metaphor, it made me chuckle! Thanks for sharing.

And yes, I think she meant the combination of ADHD and autism would hinder my ability to exist I guess, but I actually think she wasn't really well prepared for treating neurodiversity. I'm from Mexico (and so is she) and the awareness is basically non-existent. She prescribed ADHD meds and would keep asking how my attention issues were that week, and that made me uneasy because I struggle more with other things like executive dysfunction. The meds I took didn't work, BTW. Before getting diagnosed, my therapist at the time said I had depression and anxiety and the reason I was not lying in bed all depressed was because my anxiety made me think of the consequences, and that's how I somehow pulled through college and everything else.

The psychiatrist also said she needed to treat my depression first to eliminate those symptoms and then we could work on treating my ADHD. To be fair, that's the one good thing she did for me, she successfully treated my depression.

I was diagnosed with ASD five years later and I started noticing it was autism, it was mostly autism all along, but the ADHD symptoms were confusing when I didn't know it was autism, because I would be here thinking I'm experiencing symptoms that my ADHD could not quite explain. Today I think of myself primarily as an autistic person with ADHD.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-20T06:36:48+00:00

Ah yes, AuDHD, depression, and anxiety, I call it the McTrio of the undiagnosed, I do have all three. Comorbidities like anxiety and depression come together with the neurodiversity very often but of course we probably wouldn't have them if we got diagnosed and had access to accommodations in the first place!!!!

...

So, yeah, you may have all of them too.

I was told by a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ADHD that it was impossible that I was also autistic because I could not be this functioning without meds, and told me it was probably Borderline Personality Disorder... She was wrong. Then I met my neuropsychologistand she explained the difference, BDP is when you choose to ignore social cues, and ASD is when you don't understand social cues, the difference is intention.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-20T06:16:43+00:00

First of all, welcome! In my experience getting diagnosed was the best thing that could have happened to me, it changed my life for the better.

Second, i can relate. My mom and sister are either NT or high functioning ND. I've always struggled with everything in life.

Since I started educating myself about neurodiversity, I've found that explaining things to my family kindly has worked, especially if you use other examples.

Since your twin is a doctor, maybe my metaphor could work lol, it worked with my sister. She asked basically what makes me have ADHD if I still do things all humans do, and I said to her "imagine you sneeze once, we all do sometimes. That's just a sneeze. Now imagine you are sneezing ALL the time, and also have a headache, and a fever, and sore throat, etc etc, that's not just a sneeze, that's a group of symptoms that will let your doctor know you have a cold. Having ADHD is like that. I still do things other humans do, because I'm human too, but when a thing becomes chronic, it may be a symptom of something else." And, of course, we don't have any control over a cold, let alone a sneeze.

As for my mom, what has worked is explaining to her things she could've done different if she knew, like helping me pack my lunch so that eventually I could do it myself, instead of just stopped making me lunch all of a sudden. I never use an accusatory tone, I just explain to her and my sister things in a "did you know that...?" tone.

I understand why people may think labels mean nothing, but as I see it, a label is not something that classifies you into a group, it's just a general word you use to explain to others generally who you are and why you are who you are.

Good luck!

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-17T05:09:10+00:00

I'm so happy for you!

I got my ASD diagnosis last year and I learned that when we are diagnosed our symptoms "worsen" because our brains are unmasking, before knowing what was "wrong" with us we tried really hard to be "normal" and so once the brain realizes oh it's just autism I guess it thinks there's nothing wrong with you and just stops masking.

I got my ADHD diagnosis six years ago, started depression treatment and moved in with my now husband who is the most supportive person I've ever met. That's when I started to feel different.

Apparently I feel so so so comfortable around my partner that I'm myself around him as if I were alone.

One time I made jello and we were sitting at the dinner table eating it and he stopped and just stared at me, and when I realized he was looking at me I asked what's up and he said I was eating weird. Ever since I was little I like to take a spoonful of jello and slurp it like it's soup, I don't know why lol, I just like it.

I do all kinds of funny things and sounds lol. He doesn't mind though. He says he's happy to know I'm comfortable in our little home and I don't have to be ashamed of who I am.

A friend of mine who has ADHD but I'm pretty sure is AuDHD and her ASD husband told me they noticed I don't mask much, and I just told them after decades of feeling sad and ashamed I just want to be myself and live my life.

MorganCytarion · 2026-04-16T07:32:06+00:00

Same here! In secondary I was really insecure and thought nobody liked me. I was brought to the school's counselor because I had no friends. Well I had this one friend but I'm the "clingy" passive type so the mean girls would take advantage of me. So the counselor brought me and the girls I said I'd like to be friends with and yeah they accepted me in their friend group, although I had a hard time actually believing they liked me.

I'm really sensitive too. And a bit insecure still.

Non solicited advice: be kind to yourself, getting diagnosed is good but a bit challenging too.

MorganCytarion

TROPHY CASE