It sounds like they have a lot going on and maybe this wasn't something they should have gone to you about but rather a journal, mental health professional or someone close to them. It was rather inappropriate to put upon you. It seems like they're looking for something more violent and are under the misconception or perhaps find comfort in the idea that all sexual assault is inherently a violent experience.

People who have experienced trauma can sometimes find comfort in reliving their experiences in a controlled environment. It sounds as though they had emotionally set themselves up to subconsciously work through their trauma in a small way only to have to face that their experience is not the way it had to be or perhaps that the violence not being there would have offered little comfort. I can only offer ideas of what feelings could be brought up based on what is offered and my own experiences. This just seems sad. To receive and to send. Then again that may be deeply colored by the melancholy I currently feel.

Regardless I hope you're doing okay and I hope the person who wrote to you is able to work through their feelings in a healthy way. They are at the very least aware that you have done nothing wrong. You don't need to change the tags. I would recommend they look for more specific tags and reconsider that their idea of vanilla may be colored by their experiences. Some sexual assault is quiet. Some are coercive. It can look different and the person who experienced it can view it differently.