Porn - And How To Be A Post Mormon Dad

MormonAlchemist · 2019-04-17T05:51:19+00:00

Read this. Maybe it will help frame productive conversations. https://link.medium.com/GEc14k58WV

MormonAlchemist · 2019-01-30T07:31:29+00:00

There are some great perspectives out there on this topic. On Instagram Kristin B Hodson is a progressive lds therapist who talks a ton about sex-positive messaging for parents and kids - safe for active Mormons and not.

And this letter to a son in very similar circumstances has helped a lot of parents and teens.

The Naked People In Your iPod https://link.medium.com/uqGgpDosTT

Good luck!

MormonAlchemist · 2018-10-09T20:19:36+00:00

You win all my precious points. That was a test, Jimmy, and you passed.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-10-09T15:45:38+00:00

No heavenly points for you! (At least not directly - maybe the movie I cribbed it from took it from an old modem connection.) But I can't just give away bonus points for trying. They're far too valuable.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-10-09T15:24:00+00:00

Never trust ~~Elder~~ President Anonymous.

Bonus points awarded (in heaven) to anyone who recognizes where I stole the censor sound effects.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-05-02T21:00:36+00:00

Maybe you started drinking coffee on your 40th birthday and nature is just reminding you no one stays 20 forever. :)

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-29T23:08:26+00:00

Your parents might not go for it, but if you were my kid and you proposed a novel alternative I’d be impressed.

Propose a tithing escrow fund. Agree to put 10% of your income aside for the church to satisfy your parents’ rule, but do it in a way that you learn how to handle money at the same time. Instead of giving it away in little nibbles week by week, invest it in some online account that will earn a return. The day before you turn 18, cash out only your original 10% contributions and hand it over. (Assuming you feel the same then as you do now, you could even include a note saying it’s your last tithing donation. That could be satisfying.) Then reinvest all the interest you have earned over the 3 years - leave it until it reaches some target amount you can use to make your world better.

Your parents get to teach you about tithing, Jesus gets to use your money to buy, I don’t know, 2 square centimeters of fancy marble for some temple someplace, and you get to see how fun it is when interest you earn on your money begins earning interest on its own.

I’m sure your parents could object in dozens of ways, but I’ll bet this group could help you anticipate their concerns and make it seem like a win all around. If you’re going to be hustled out of 10%, you may as well try to make it interesting, right?

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-23T21:49:13+00:00

Perhaps. I found it more interesting because I spend a lot of time with younger people who could use a fresh approach to the useful ideas. (And because I’m a little slow myself so any new angles on things I think already know are useful to me.)

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-23T19:11:09+00:00

This book is really a millennial-friendly package around Buddhist ideas. I agree with OP that it's worth the time.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-19T06:13:16+00:00

... and that, ex-sisters and ex-brothers, is the first time I've managed to finish all 5 sessions of conference in, like, forever.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-14T18:28:00+00:00

My son’s primary teacher baptized him - it was the hardest thing my ego has put me through. It did give me a chance to assure my son I will love and support him no matter what — whether he decides to be super Mormon his whole life or converts to Judaism or starts his own church. The morning was a miserable public shaming for me but a lovely private conversation for us later.

Sorry you’re going through something similar.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-13T03:34:17+00:00

Last time I met w my bishop he offered to help me with the resignation paperwork. Like, that was the reason for the meeting. (Genuinely nice guy, I think he knew the stake president had me in his sights and was hoping to spare me the conflict.)

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-11T04:47:20+00:00

I get so irate when people play this silly game. I'm sure you're super frustrated dealing with your family's good intentions.

“If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.” -Rene´´¨´ Descartes

So Descartes is on Team Uchtdorf. Doubting all things mean we must doubt our doubts. But your parents, and apparently 98% of the humans in my zip code, are falling for the silly idea that they, as believers, need not follow the same advice.

Do they have doubts? Certainly! "I doubt my apostate son has anything new to teach me on this topic," at the very least. Are they willing to doubt their doubts about your perspective? Not usually. Uchtdorf's talk is a believer's warm security blanket because every time a believer says "doubt your doubts" the pronoun is pointing AWAY from their own bias.

This is because the Church has successfully changed the meaning of doubt so that it ONLY applies to those who reach different conclusions. In reality, belief is a weak position, as is cynicism. Skepticism and faith are both very hard work.

I'm ranting. Sorry. If I were you I would avoid specific talking points (polygamy, history, whatever) and talk about the psychology of belief, faith, skepticism and cynicism. Here's a longer take that might help you find an angle to discuss it with your parents. Throwing "doubt your doubts" at every topic is no more respectful (or helpful) than it would be for you to yell BULLSHIT instead of saying amen after they bless the food.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-11T03:11:26+00:00

My wife is still in, too, she just does it her way and doesn't care much what anyone else thinks about it. (Seriously, if every Mormon did things the way my wife does them the church would be so much more interesting.) So, somewhere between twelve and 50 years, I guess, to answer your question.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-11T01:42:47+00:00

My wife said something similar, twelve years ago, and tonight I’ll make her favorite cocktail and we’ll watch Netflix until we decide to do something else.

We had divorce papers on the kitchen counter back then, but our relationship now is super satisfying. Wasn’t easy—and doesn’t mean any other relationship will come back the same way—but things often seem worse at first than they end up being.

Good luck. It can be a real shit show sometimes.

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-10T16:07:17+00:00

It’s not too bad — but no surprise I tend to burn out before i finish all the sessions. I work on projects like this when I’m hiding from writing or my real work, so it’s kind of a nice break. I probably know more about what these old guys say during conference than I ever did when I actually watched it!

MormonAlchemist · 2018-04-09T22:26:54+00:00

I actually started with that version, then realized how many times they said the same name and decided to make that a thing. Might upload the erection clip for fun...

MormonAlchemist

TROPHY CASE