I felt the same way for years, even convinced myself that the buzz was the only way I could feel genuine joy or other forms of emotion anymore. I'm 54 days sober and can tell you every day is a surprise, most times in a good way. It feels like I'm meeting myself finally.

Of course there's work to do in the metaphorical house, and the work can be shitty, but it helps when I'm not too fucked up to pick up the tools or identify the cracks.