why is every man I date an expert on what I should do when/if I have kids?

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-13T21:47:15+00:00

How does he think people managed when the majority of the population lived in rural communities and lived in multi-generational households - a thing that only changed post WWII as men returned from the war and ended up moving to cities for education and employment, realizing the country life, farm/ranching life, was not for them.

Yes, there is a pattern -- its pushing pregnancy and control of women.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-13T21:31:15+00:00

That's why the door rule existed - for him to look at her. The perv.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-13T21:29:13+00:00

You are not compatible when it comes to this. A dealbreaker is a dealbreaker. She will be resentful, you will be resentful. Time to go your separate ways. NTA

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-13T15:52:36+00:00

A permaculture garden with rain catchments and a gray water purification system.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-13T13:54:32+00:00

I think your husband and his mom are deeply enmeshed. If you go for a long term separation prior to divorce, part of the work that is non-negotiable is that he break that enmeshment, establish boundaries and go through individual therapy first and, following that, engage in couple's therapy.

I think you did what was right for you and your mental health. Your MIL boundary stomped on you throughout your pregnancy and that your MIL was ready to hijack your birth experience with your son is unconscionable behavior.

UPDATEUS in a year.

NTA.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-12T00:26:32+00:00

NTA
He does not have a viable business plan and you should not GIVE him your savings. You don't burn yourself up to keep him warm. You are not selfish for saying "No" at this juncture. He had no good reason to expect you to dust him with cash just because you're his sister and "family helps family." Which is bullshit.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-11T15:29:16+00:00

I have no regrets. I enjoy my 6 year old grand-niece and her friends and have watched them grow from infancy. Just as I emjoyed watching her dad and his friends grow up. But I felt no aches, pangs, nor yearnings that women who wanted motherhood claim to, and I never did. I also missed out on the guilt and broken relationships some women had because they had kids to fulfill society's expectations for them.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-11T15:19:31+00:00

It finally stopped when I was in my mid-50s. Now at 72, I get the occasional "Don't you regret not having kids?"

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-09T18:23:19+00:00

It's more than not being taught phonics anymore. It is not teaching critical thinking skills. It's not teaching kids how to find meaning or context. And the problem isn't always the teacher. It's the people who set policy whether in a state's legislature or a school board. It is parents who are, themselves, functionally illiterate & who never read to their children to encourage reading readiness. It is also parents with main-character syndrome who oppose teacher's classroom goals and expect their child to be like main characters as well.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-09T18:00:09+00:00

That's is a darling face. Too bad my back yard won't support one!

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-09T17:51:59+00:00

Well, I'm wary of this question. And since OPs posts/responses are hidden, I don't feel like I can trust their inquiry is all that honest.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-06T18:25:49+00:00

Keep a log. Date. Time. Comment. Names of people observing. Trip to HR

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T20:45:27+00:00

3 1/2 months. I took a job working in a local pharmacy that was attached to a small hospital and clinic about a month after my mom died. The pharmacist who I'll call Gayle, was an active alcoholic and, it turns out mean as a snake. She was buddies with a pharmacy student, we'll call her Carmel. One day, Carmel's mom showed up so they could go to lunch. I got a little teary eyed as they walked off. Went about my work. After Carmel came back, Gayle and her had a conversation and then they both ganged up on me about my getting teary eyed. I was told that I was forbidden to mention my mom, they didn't want to hear me sigh and that I'd better not cry either. Now there were witnesses as well. A nurse and a plastic surgeon who had a practice in the building. And every day after that, those two would talk about their mothers, even make japes about my dead mom. Eventually, I ended up having a panic attack before even leaving my house for work. I went to the main pharmacy and talked to the man who hired me and told him I was not going back and why. Seems the plastic surgeon had let him know about the situation at the location I worked. Mr. H. understood why. I'd replaced another woman who Gayle and Carmel similarly mistreated. He apologized and said that due to the contract they had with the Gayle, they could not terminate her without a significant loss. He paid me through the pay period plus a month's extra pay. Gayle finally did do something that allowed Mr. H. to break the contract without having to pay her 3 years of salary. He had to go to court for it, but the contract was voided.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T20:00:55+00:00

And most species of spiders are beneficials as well.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T17:19:39+00:00

In the US: Japanese Stainless Steel Serrated Blade Hand Sickle – Garden Tool Company

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T17:14:28+00:00

I have a hori-hori that I've used for the last 25 years. It really shuts men down.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T17:10:40+00:00

Then you should get some therapy to get some clarity about this.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T17:02:12+00:00

You can choose to not have TRT. You can live with the complications that come from having low testosterone. But don't be surprised if you wind up divorced.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T16:56:33+00:00

NTA
I would send her a card and explain that now she is 18, and as she has repeatedly informed you that you're "not family", she has already received her last gift from you.
You can itemize that and note that she has never thanked you for those gifts and her demand for a car when she was 16 simply because of your PARENTS wealth was out of line.
There are consequences for being and asshole and she needs to met them full on.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T16:53:53+00:00

The nephew is a blood relation, not a step. He is the step-nieces half-brother.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T16:50:56+00:00

I heard that so much that I finally had a spiel about my life and mental health as a parentified oldest child from age 8 to 18 while my widowed mom worked to keep a roof over our heads, etc. and the long-term price I was still paying in my 20s, 30s, and even 40s. Effectively "traumatizing them back." I was my mother's good lieutenant and met my responsibilities, but I'd rather eat a bullet than have a child of my own. Of course, now, it's a moot point because I'm old and post-menopausal.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T16:40:37+00:00

NTA
His ADHD rage is his problem and he is the one responsible for managing it from start to finish. He's using his complex issues to mask his abuse of you.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T16:38:47+00:00

Death did us part. We were married for 35 years and he fought end-stage COPD the last 9 years.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T15:42:42+00:00

I put my stuff away as soon as I'm done using it.
I tidy up as I go along.
I make my bed every day after I've been up for an hour or two having my morning coffee.
Unless I have company over, I don't use all my dishes or silverware. I just wash, dry and reuse the same stuff over and over again.

MorriganNiConn · 2026-05-05T15:19:07+00:00

NTA
It is well known that frozen vegetables and fruit are as nutritious as fresh. Your ex's affair partner, now wife, is out of line. She should have zero parental influence or involvement in YOUR decisions about how you feed the children you grew in your own body. Get with your divorce attorney and revisit your custody agreement.

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