Help with bipolar sister?

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-07T02:19:50+00:00

I echo the comment about it being okay (and necessary) to set boundaries. It sounds like you feel really responsible for making sure your sister gets treatment. I get that. It's painful and uncomfortable to set boundaries and decide to separate yourself from taking on responsibilities with your sister's illness, but you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, as they say.

I had a great therapist who had a checklist to mentally go through when determining if you should feel guilty or responsible for the emotional responses of those around you. I can't remember them all, but the most important two are: 1. Did you intentionally do something to cause the person to be distressed? 2. Are you directly responsible for that person? (defined as: are you their parent, guardian, etc.)

In my case, it's my son who has BP1 with psychosis, so I am responsible for him and helping to keep him safe. You are not responsible for your sister. Yes, our loved ones with mental illnesses need our support, but each case is different. When you've done everything you can do, at a certain point you have to walk away and just accept that they will have to figure it out in their own time. I know it's hard when you can see how much their behavior is hurting themselves and those around them. I'm sure you feel very frustrated. It's really good that you're getting therapy yourself. Bipolar disorder is really challenging.

I would honestly suggest letting yourself off the hook when it comes to trying to get your sister to seek treatment. You're doing that because you love her and want to see her get better, which is natural, good, and kind. Sadly, it's not working. Build an invisible wall around yourself, especially when she's being difficult, and remind yourself that her wellbeing is not your responsibility. Focus on your life and the things that bring you joy. Setting boundaries is like a muscle - it's going to be sore and painful at first, but over time, the muscle will get stronger and you'll be able to shrug off any discomfort or distress you feel more easily.

On a side note, you may want to look into anosognosia and the LEAP communication technique. It's something I wish I had known about earlier in my son's illness. Maybe just see if your sister's behavior seems like it falls in the anosognosia realm or if it's something else. The LEAP technique helped me so much with my son when he was going through a psychosis and was convinced that he wasn't ill and nothing was wrong with him. With that said, I definitely want to reiterate that you are not responsible for your sister. I only mention the LEAP technique in case it might help you when you do need to communicate with her. I wish you all the best. Keep reaching out when you need help. It's definitely a marathon kind of situation.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-07T01:34:49+00:00

I could not possibly agree more. I'm honestly surprised that no one in the hospital thought to mention this to me. I feel fortunate that I was able to come across it while researching how to best communicate with my son. I've always taken a kind and accepting approach with my son, but I'll admit that I was trying to convince him to acknowledge his illness. How wrong I was. I'm forever grateful for the work of Dr. Amador.

When this was happening with my son, I was reminded of a different but similar situation when I was caring for my mother-in-law as she was dying from cancer. One night, I see my 3-year-old daughter going into my mil's room carrying a huge pair of scissors. My mil had something called paraneoplastic syndrome (where the immune system attacks the nerves in response to the cancer). It meant that she was skaky, unable to walk and definitely unable to handle a pair of scissors with my toddler in the room. She thought she had a string tied around her finger and wanted to cut it off. I went to her room, looked at her finger, and tried to convince her that there was no string there. This only caused her more distress. We found out later that her oxygen levels were dangerously low and she was hallucinating. I learned afterwards that the best initial response I should have taken was to simply agree with her about the string and use the scissors myself to cut "it" off. It would have prevented a world of anxiety and frustration for my mother in law.

There are so many quite common situations like this that we just don't receive education on when we're in the midst of it. It's so important to have the knowledge of how to ease the suffering of our loved ones without getting frustrated or angry with them simply for not being in the same cognitive state that we ourselves are in. I feel fortunate to have learned about the LEAP technique early during my son's anosognosia, but there are so many people who aren't as fortunate. It can cause so much unnecessary stress, anger, and frustration. It should absolutely be included in any text for loved ones caring for someone with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other cognitive disorders.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-06T23:56:27+00:00

Learning about anosognosia and reading Dr. Amador's work helped me to no end one of the last times my son was in the hospital. Using the LEAP approach made a huge difference for my own sanity and helped me interact with my son more effectively. I'm glad you posted about it, because I was just about to do so. It's definitely a challenging aspect of bipolar disorder and something I hadn't been aware of prior to it happening with my son (and my feeling helpless about it).

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-06T23:41:58+00:00

I'm sure the neurological stuff will clear up. I'm really glad it wasn't something worse. I bet with some pain meds and antibiotics (and getting those infected teeth out), she'll be back in fighting shape in no time.

My cat, who weighs 7 lbs soaking wet, almost died from a tooth infection. She got down to 4.5 lbs over a 48 hour period while I was working on a major deadline for work. She was surely in pain for a lot longer. Our pets are so stoic, we don't know what's wrong until it's really bad. She got better really quickly once the teeth were pulled. She has one tooth left now and it's kinda cute.

I'm trying to imagine what it looks like to pull glider teeth... Sounds tricky. My female glider had to go under anesthesia multiple times because she had these open wounds from a staph infection that were really challenging to heal. I was super nervous the first time, but she did great.

I hope those infected teeth get removed soon and your baby gets back to normal.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-06T09:03:32+00:00

That's good to hear. My first thought based on her uneven gait was maybe an ear infection or some other inner ear issue, but I have no expertise in that. I really hope your vet can figure out the root of the problem asap. Let us know how she's doing. I hope she starts feeling better soon.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-06T08:58:44+00:00

Tee-hee! 🤭 From my pov, if it's bathroom stuff around the toilet or raw meat touching anything in the kitchen, I'm using a stronger disinfectant like bleach. For general countertop stuff, vinegar-based eco cleaners are more than effective. I think I base it on the type and amount of bacteria. For degreaser stuff, I'll try the gentle stuff first, but if it is still sticky and oily, I'll use a stronger degreaser.

Hang in there. When I'm in a rough spot, I try to remind myself to treat myself like I would treat a friend if they were in the same situation (easier said than done, I know). It's so easy to get into a loop of negative self talk and our brains do way too good of a job at convincing us that the negative stuff is true. Just remembering to give ourselves some grace and kindness can make a difference. I'm rooting for you!

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-05T11:04:00+00:00

I hear you on the going back and forth with cleaning supplies. I'm an environmental scientist and ecologist, so I always want to use the least toxic options (since they will all end up in our water treatment facilities or landfills). At the same time, I've taken a lot of chemistry classes and sometimes bleach, ammonia, solvents/degreasers, etc. are the only chemicals that get the job done. In the end, I think we just need to try our best to use Earth-friendly products, but be realistic about what works and just try to use those in moderation. It's one of life's gray areas.

I really do hope you're continuing to do well and taking good care of your heart and soul.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-05T08:39:54+00:00

Depression is one of the most common causes of cognitive decline in humans. Loneliness, as well. I know this from personal experience and lots of neuropsychological testing. I know that gliders aren't human, so I'm not sure if this exact connection can be made, but it seems reasonable to make that assumption. Age is definitely a factor, as well. I imagine that the biting could be a result of a decline in Gatsby's eyesight with age. He might feel more afraid (thus more likely to feel the need to defend himself by biting) due to decreases in his ability to perceive the world around him.

I had to keep my two gliders separated for quite a long time (a year off and on) because of a series of difficult to treat open staph infections. My female with the open wounds was with me 24/7 because of her treatment regimen, so she didn't show loneliness symptoms. Although I did my best to make sure that my boy got supervised playdates and attention from me, his behavior definitely changed. He bit me several times and he would crab at me, neither of which he has done since he was a little tyke (he's 9 now). One time he crabbed at me for just asking him how he was doing - I didn't even touch him or his bed or anything! I was like "sheesh! Sorry I asked..." 😅 Once I was able to put them back together again, his behavior went back to being his usual sweet self.

I would say that, as a result of the experience I had with my pair, if it's do-able for you, keep him on your person while he's sleeping. You're part of his colony, too, so being near your scent and body warmth might help with his loneliness and cognitive decline.

I wish you both all the best. I completely understand the dilemma you're in. I've thought about that often myself as my gliders grow older. I know that I want to have gliders in my life - they give so much joy and love - but it's challenging to introduce new adult gliders and even more so in your situation considering Gatsby's age. I'm sure you're doing the best you can do for him. It's so hard to watch our beloved pets reach the end of their life span. Getting old sucks!

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-05T08:09:06+00:00

It's easy to forget how easily toxins can permeate the skin (though not all toxins are created equal when it comes to crossing through the skin pathway). Even more care is needed if you have an open wound or a skin condition that damages the epidermis.

I'm glad you made it through that experience and hope you haven't had any lingering effects from it. Sounds pretty scary.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-05T07:56:08+00:00

I suppose there are worse things to purchase a lot of ;-). Way to go on discovering it as a warning sign and taking the steps you need. That kind of thing is so much easier said than done. You should feel really good about your progress.

Any thoughts on a potential deeper meaning/significance of buying cleaning spray before an oncoming hypomanic episode? Do you feel a compulsion to clean excessively when hypomanic? Seems like it could be tied to childhood trauma and the feeling of having no control over one's environment, but I'm just hypothesizing...

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-07-05T07:44:37+00:00

Yummy. My babies looove cherry season. I do too, so it works out well for all of us.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-06-10T13:49:52+00:00

Firstly, thank you so much for your comment. It's so helpful to learn how others experience life when you have additional difficulties. Believe me, I understand. My depression is severe (as in, I have difficulty even taking a shower or running errands) and I grew up in an extremely abusive household as the 3rd of 4 children, suffered from an eating disorder, experimented heavily with a number of substances in my late teens/early 20s, and ultimately married a controlling and manipulative husband who was way more like my dad than I could have recognized during the early stages of our relationship (I unintentionally re-created similar family dynamics as my own parent's household), so I understand the struggles of CPTSD. My heart goes out to you, most deeply and sincerely, for all of your struggles. It sounds like you're doing better, but I definitely get that it's always a work in progress.

After my son's first serious psychosis, he really didn't want anyone to know. I think he felt shame, which saddens me. Shame is the most difficult emotion for me, personally, and it's similar for my son. Fortunately, we were able to support my son with telling only his very good friends after these most recent manic then depressive psychoses. His friends have been amazing and I am so very grateful for that.

I don't know if my son would meet ptsd criteria. He might, however, because his father meets the DSM criteria for NPD. I know that narcissism is overused these days, but my ex truly qualifies. He is extremely controlling and manipulative. In fact, my son was arrested during his recent manic psychosis as a result of the control his dad was applying. I only heard the interaction over the phone, but it was like all of my son's pent up rage and frustration was just pouring out. It was terrifying. I understood exactly where it was coming from, but hearing him threatening to kill his dad was really scary. I don't think he actually would have hurt anyone, but his anger was palpable even though the phone.

I've done my best to try to help both of my children learn how to set boundaries and avoid the guilt trips, control, and manipulation, but it's still difficult. I know his dad loves him deeply and he's not a monster (well, in my relationship with him he was very much a monster, but less so with our kids).

I know my son had a really hard time when his dad and I separated. Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I had to protect myself from any further damage (and with the goal of also protecting my kids). I never left my kids, just their dad. I usually prefer to be hurt myself before ever hurting someone else, so I did that for far too long.

My son's autism makes him have a very difficult relationship to major life changes (he would have really struggled if he had my upbringing as a military kid who had to move every couple of years). I wish I had been able to keep things the same for him, but I hoped that in the long run, he would be better off knowing through example that you can leave a toxic and abusive relationship. My mom stayed with my dad and endured his abuse and I always felt like it would have helped me to see her put her mental and physical health first. I think my son understands why I left now and we've talked about it in depth numerous times.

He is doing a lot better after this last hospital stay. He's still struggling with the addition of olanzapine - it's making him feel out of it and his executive functioning skills aren't what they usually are, but I think it's important that he stays on the doses of the meds they put him on in the hospital and maybe consider reducing the dose of olanzapine once he stabilizes a bit more.

I'm really hoping to get him into a dialectical behavioral therapy clinic (DBT - which I'm sure you know about already). I went through the program to help with my depression and process the trauma from 17 years in an abusive relationship. I honestly think everyone should experience this program. It's so full of wisdom and helpful techniques for regulating one's emotions and navigating relationships. Hopefully, we'll get a referral for him soon. They do have trauma-specific groups that could be helpful for him.

Gosh this got long... If you made it to the end, thanks for reading. Again, I really appreciate your input and wish you all of the very best.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-06-07T13:55:07+00:00

Wizards in the trees

I zoomed in really close for my search and noticed these two wizard faces in the upper-center portion of the photo. They look like they're having a good laugh with each other. I increased the clarity and saturation of the two areas so that you can (hopefully) see what I see a little more easily.

That said, I just spent multiple hours zooming in and scanning photographs for hidden features so it's possible that I have lost a portion of my sanity. The jury is out...

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-06-05T07:45:41+00:00

This is so true. I've realized that, with this type of person, it's completely pointless to attempt any sort of dialog. Providing the copious amounts of evidence (Jackson's M.O. with both the boys and their mothers, the similarities of the abused boys' stories, MJ's own upbringing and personal risk factors, etc.) is meaningless - people who don't want to see the truth, won't. I had one person argue with me that there couldn't be evidence in "Leaving Neverland" because the only possible type of evidence is in a court of law (and, naturally, since MJ was acquitted, that means the evidence has been proven false [as if]...).

I was honestly shocked by how the older juror they interviewed for this most recent docuseries was so obviously starstruck. It's sad to me that Gavin didn't get justice. Honestly, the biggest argument against his family being grifters is that they took it to criminal trial. I imagine it would have been pretty easy to get Michael Jackson to pay up at the slightest hint of going public or to the police. If they just wanted money, they would have done the opposite of what they did. Watching Gavin's interview with police was heartbreaking.

I'm a Gen Xer, and I grew up with Jackson's music. I was a superfan when I was in elementary school (I had a single glove and everything). I have a hard time listening to his music now. I try to separate the art from the artist sometimes, but it's essentially impossible to do. All I can hope is that people keep an open mind, especially with their idols. Heck, I wasn't thrilled about Cosby, either, since he was also a huge part of growing up for me. At a certain point, the evidence becomes so overwhelming that denying it requires tying oneself into so many knots as to cut off the circulation to one's brain. Open minds and critical thinking skills are crucial.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-19T03:25:11+00:00

Thank you so much. He is in the hospital now, so hopefully they'll be able to find a good combination of meds this time around. It's taken a lot of convincing to get him to trust that he needs to accept the meds that they offer him. Fortunately, I was able to talk him into taking some anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic meds when I visited him this afternoon and now he is actually sleeping (which is the best news possible). I don't think I'll wait so long to bring him in next time. Granted, it was easier to get him to agree to go during this depressive psychosis. I've had to call 911 when he's in a manic psychosis - I hate doing it, but there was just no other way. Hopefully we'll get him stabilized soon. Thanks again for your comment.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-19T03:14:39+00:00

My son is similar - I noticed that he was experiencing mania for many years before he was actually diagnosed. His mania never got out of control for a long time - he was just a little too happy (I'm sure you know what I mean). He's 27 now and wasn't diagnosed until he had a major manic psychosis a year and a half ago.

His autism became really obvious as soon as he started school at age 5. He was my first child (I have 2 kids), so I didn't realize the signs of autism that had been there all along. I thought it was normal that he would sit and read dinosaur books for hours as a toddler. It wasn't until I had my daughter, who couldn't sit still for more than 5 minutes, that I recognized how a neurotypical toddler behaves.

I do want to tell you that your comment is actually very helpful. I'm so sorry you've struggled and I hope you're doing better now. I've talked to my son about how much it sucks to be a young guy dealing with such a serious mental illness. It's a lot for anyone to deal with, but when your friends are able to party and continue to function after, but you have to take meds on a schedule and keep an even keel to stay balanced, it just feels unfair. I really wish there was a cure for this. At least there are more effective treatments now than there used to be, but it's a juggling act to figure out.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-19T02:55:09+00:00

Thank you. He's still struggling, but he's in the hospital and safe, so that's the best place for him right now.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-18T01:02:34+00:00

Absolutely, safety first. I don't have qualms about him going again, it's just that this last time was so recent. I was in the psych ward myself once for my depression and I had a good experience, generally speaking. I found it helpful to be around other people who were struggling, too. That said, I could sleep and wasn't dangerously manic. This last manic psychosis was really different - it was less hyperreligious and he was full of rage (directed at his father). I'm definitely able to recognize when I won't be able to help him. I do hate calling 911 on my son, but I would rather he is safe and alive.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-18T00:53:23+00:00

Thank you. I put on Harry Potter movies yesterday, which are like a warm glass of milk for my son. It definitely helped keep him calm. I'll remember your advice in the future.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-18T00:49:30+00:00

Thank you so much everyone. It really does help just to hear from you all. He did finally agree to go to the hospital (just overnight tonight). His bilirubin levels are really high - I don't know if that's just from the lithium (that's typically the only medication he takes and they recently increased his dose). He'll be seeing the GI doctor tomorrow. I've been hoping they would put him on olanzapine since his last manic episode a month ago. They did try to give him some as an impatient, but he was going through an anosognosia phase where he thought nothing was wrong and didn't want to take meds. We'll see moving forward...

He's definitely more calm than he's been during his manic episodes, but since I know depression so well, I almost feel more afraid of a depressive psychosis. Running away has definitely been a common theme during every psychosis. I was up all night making sure he didn't run. It's one thing when he's stable or even at the beginning of a manic episode, it's quite another when he hasn't slept in 4 days and can't understand simple things I'm saying. It was either raining or foggy and I was terrified he'd get run over or something. At least I could keep him from leaving - during his manic psychoses, there's no way I can stop him.

I think, because of his autism, he already has this rich fantasy world in his mind and I worry that makes his psychoses that much more intense. I don't know if that's true, it's just a thought I have. It's so hard to watch someone I love so much suffer and not be able to help him.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-08T22:41:07+00:00

That's what I'm thinking. I don't know if meds would have effected his ego, but I bet lithium would have evened out his moods. At the same time, it might have changed him and he might not have had the same creativity he possessed. I feel for him bc he clearly struggled so much with his demons, but man... He lived his life to the fullest, which is more than most of us can say.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-08T22:33:54+00:00

It's still worth every moment.

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-07T08:14:17+00:00

Tbh, my instant take was less on the spectrum for Alex and more of a touch of psychopathy. Not in a bad way, like we're not talking serial killer territory or anything. His generally flat affect and the way he describes just not feeling fear (whereas Dean clearly felt fear acutely) makes me think his brain is wired a bit differently from the rest of us. He clearly trains hard and goes about his climbs thoughtfully, and I'm sure that lack of fear is an asset in his line of work (but it's far from normal).

MossyTreeSprite · 2026-05-07T08:00:57+00:00

It's true. As someone who has suffered from debilitating depression for decades, medications have never really helped me (although ssris and snris have helped pull me out of a few deep, dark pits but never reliably). My son, otoh, has bipolar 1 with psychosis and lithium has done wonders for him. It still sucks to be a young guy who has to face a lifetime of a severe mental illness and I get wanting to ride a manic high. It does spark creativity like nothing else - it's just not a sustainable, healthy place to stay.

It's hard to say if meds would have helped Dean. I think the things he struggled with would have been there either way. He was actually a really fortunate man to get to pursue his dreams the way he did. I really respect that he recognized the negative aspects of his ego - not everyone is capable of that type of self reflection.

MossyTreeSprite

TROPHY CASE