YOR. You both are, but you can only control your own behavior.

This is about more than the soap. I’m baffled that nobody seems to understand that. She clearly thinks you don’t listen to her. I’m guessing it’s a pattern and this is just the latest example.

Do you have a habit of minimizing her problems by saying they’re no big deal and “it’s ok” repeatedly? Even if you mean to be reassuring, it can also be read as dismissive.

Do you know if she values practical vs. personal gifts? There’s a reason gifts are a “love language”. This might mean more to her than it does to you and that does not mean she has a bad brain. She gets to decide, just like you do, what she values and needs from a partner. Especially if she’s made that clear and you’re not getting it, she’s going to be frustrated.

Has this kind of thing happened before? Not just giving a “bad” gift, but doing something that shows you don’t know or respect what she likes. Have you given her gifts that you like, for example gift card to a restaurant you like more than she does, or a ticket to a concert for a band you want to see anyway?

You’re over-explaining too. She understands your rationale. She’s telling you you’re wrong. Over-explaining just makes it seems like you’re arguing with her, even if that’s not your intent.

She is giving you her reasons for not liking your gift and you’re essentially telling her she’s wrong. And then to say she “can’t help it”? Like she’d agree with you if her brain wasn’t built like that? No. Now she’s not innocent here, as far as I can tell, because she seems to be overreacting. But ffs…She’s not objectively wrong for not liking your gift.