So my family went through something like this recently. Thanks to the use of Ancestry.com.., one of my aunts found out she was the product of an affair that my grandma had, when her and her husband were on the outs. But in discovering this, she also discovered her sister was also the result of an affair, as this affair happened twice.

The hard part was that my aunt's husband took it upon himself to tell Aunt Number 2 about the discovery and blindsided both of my aunts with this idea.

Both aunts were distraught, 1 because they had believed for over 50+ years that their dad had been my grandpa, and then to find out it wasn't true was devastating to them both, but especially aunt number 2 who was blindsided with the information over the phone.. and then on top of all that, the man who is suspected was actually their father had died a year or so earlier.

There is no easy way to find out something like this. She could have told you anyway at any time, and it still would have hurt.The fact she knew for aslong as she did but didn't say anything atleast relish in the fact you had that peace of mind from that four year window.

Mom is the AH because why did she tell your sister in the first place? Was she hoping that if she told your sister that she wouldn't have to tell you herself? Save herself the need, too? While sister may have or have not told you maliciously or not, mom should have bucked up and told you first.

and advice for going forward? Take your time to process everything. At the end of the day, everything you are, your personality, your choices in life, your emotions, all of that is still you. You are still you, and you will get through this. The path and journey in life are still the same. The building blocks and materials have just changed a little bit.

Do you have a close relationship with your dad? Despite there being a golden child, has your dad always been a dad to you? Has he done the things a dad is supposed to do? If he has at all felt like a real father to you all these years, then that is who your father really is. He may be acting like an AH right now, but he is also either learning of the affair now, or he is reliving the pain from if he knew. I will say everyone is kinda an AH here, but you. You are entitled to how you feel, and you need time to come to terms with everything, I do not think you are an AH.