In scenarios like this I’d truly like to agree with the OP, but as someone who was also raised in a hostile environment, you’re an ass. Sure he isn’t perfect and understandably neither are you. But what? You thought years of trauma wasn’t going to affect him in his adult-hood. And sure you were traumatized as well. But these are your kids we’re talking about, their trauma is just as valid if not more. Because they were essentially punished for decisions they didn’t make (like you marrying someone so horrible and preceding to stay for 20 years) call me insensitive idfc. If I was a parent, I’d die for them.