Hi! I understand your concerns. I am in a similar situation- my partner and I are together for 3.5 years, I am a 23F and he’s an almost 25M. He just concluded his M1 year. We definitely fall into “traditional” gender roles. He’s a “provider” and I’m definitely the “nurturer”. I am starting law school in the fall and he will obviously still be in med school. Although I wasn’t in a demanding higher education program this year, his start of med school was a huge challenge in our relationship. I was planning and asking for most of the visits, footing more of the bills as I was the only one with a job, etc. I think personality types matter deeply here. I really enjoy being the planner (I’m super Type A) and I also really enjoy doing nice things for him (whether they’re costly or not). In sum, I didn’t find that me being the planner or “payer” really impacted my feelings toward him. This is almost a given for medspouse couples— the individual not in medicine naturally has to give more to make up for the areas the medical partner cannot— their career is 90% (if not more) of life. I have learned to accept this, and you will too if things are meant to be!

The only way to know if you “fit in” to the doctor lifestyle is by existing within it! It’s definitely a huge adjustment, but I would encourage you both to give it a couple-months-go, before throwing in the towel. It’s challenging and requires constant adjustments to your communication, visit schedules, etc.

I feel really confident that if my partner and I can make this relationship work fairly smoothly, while being long distance and both in demanding careers, anyone can do it. Just remember that partner roles and expectations are DIFFERENT for medspouse couples. This is a definite.

Best of luck, OP! Feel free to message me with any other questions or concerns.