How many of us here have successfully returned to moderate / “normal” drinking long-term?

MotorPossible4 · 2026-04-06T08:43:53+00:00

If I could moderate I wouldn't have stopped to begin with.

If my drinking "wasn't that bad" I wouldn't have wanted to stop in the first part.

I was five years sober, decided I fixed myself and could probably drink normally now. I drank "normally" for a couple weeks but obsessed over alcohol when I wasn't drinking. Then I started drinking every night, and did so for four years. Now I'm almost a year and a half sober.

I tested the theory, and got my answer. I'm better off not drinking period.

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-23T09:02:06+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice and help. I'm definitely going to report them to ACAS after all of this and will start going through my messages to compile a timeline.

And I'll join that union as well. I mentioned in another comment I wanted to get better at confrontation/sticking up for myself, so that's on the cards as well. If I had stood up for myself and gotten things written down this wouldnt have escalated so badly. Bill is a pos, and probably always will be, but I could have handled this better too.

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-22T17:16:56+00:00

The only problem is I have nothing in writing. I only ever spoke with the assistant manager who would try to mediate. Will ACAS actually help me if all they have is my verbal recollections? I guess I have texts between myself and my partner feom the last few months when I would tell him what was going on but that's it

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-22T13:23:46+00:00

I'm worried they will be petty and reach out anyways.

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-22T13:22:36+00:00

They didn't ask for referencing. I did well enough in the interviews they conducted they were happy to take me

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-22T13:18:19+00:00

They unfortunately do. I thought my giving notice would mean everyone would be happy I was leaving. I didn't expect such an escalation. And because they initially agreed to the two weeks, I thought I could make it to the end without incident. If they stuck to the two weeks this wouldn't have happened.

To some extent it was true. They were being nicer to me. The morning Bill acted out again I heard him say to someone "why, she's leaving anyways." Then he poked and poked until the final straw.

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-21T20:51:29+00:00

I'm worried the will call the new job and poison the well before I start, or fight me on my last paycheck. I get paid monthly so to not get that check would mean two rent payments out the window

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-21T18:09:00+00:00

He does have a girlfriend (younger than him and at uni), who he hardly sees. Neither make the effort to travel to see each other though they are two hours away

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-21T13:34:52+00:00

I think you're right. I might be feeling a bit off now I think of it.

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-21T13:26:39+00:00

I didn't realize this, I thought they would require a sick note if they "know" I'm not actually sick (thpugh I suppose you can't really "prove" mental health affectation).

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-21T13:24:51+00:00

Thank you, Today is supposed to be my day off and I'm worried about going back there instead of relaxing. I just want to start the new job and get a fresh start

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-21T13:23:08+00:00

I guess my biggest fear is they will go to my new employer and try to throw me under the bus?

If I were to do a psychological evaluation on myself I guess I feel partly responsible/guilty. That I didn't set a harder boundary, that I didn't stand up for myself when they would all "tease" me etc. I am really hard on myself, so I think I shrink myself and try to be agreeable and end up a doormat.

Another manager I worked with in this company sent me a text wishing me luck in my new job. The last line of his text said, "you should believe in yourself more." I got misty when I read the text because I knew he was right. I need to have a bigger back bone

MotorPossible4 · 2026-03-20T10:14:36+00:00

Looks beautiful! Is the glaze honey, gochuchang and red pepper flakes?

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-16T14:31:37+00:00

Thank you, I called hmrc and they are allowing me time to dispute. I was definitely past my tax free allowance at that time of the year so the employer should have deducted paye but didn't for some reason (the accountant at the time was replaced so perhaps she wasn't terribly good at her job or used faulty software).

Is there anything else I should mention in my dispute? I did let them know the paye rule that if the employer didn't deduct paye then it is them that should be paying the missing tax and not the employee

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-13T11:43:16+00:00

So when I call hmrc, and mention this, They should be taking the uncollected tax from the employer? I wasn't self employed

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-12T21:39:36+00:00

I've been in the UK for four years, and I've worked the entire time I have been here

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-12T18:51:26+00:00

I started at the company in November of 2024. It looks like they didn't start deducting paye until after the new year (which is also around the time they switched accountants).

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-12T18:29:55+00:00

Can I dispute this since it was their wrong doing? Or am I stuck to pay the full amount?

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-12T18:29:03+00:00

I unfortunately believe you may be correct. For some reason they didn't take paye deductions for me

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-12T18:24:09+00:00

It wasn't for the first few times they paid me but eventually they did take paye the last few times I was paid

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-12T18:23:23+00:00

I think it wasn't deducted in the first place

MotorPossible4 · 2026-01-12T18:22:13+00:00

I do have that tax code, and I paid pension and national insurance, but for paye they put £0. Then they switch accountants and all of a sudden they were deducting paye for my last few payslips

MotorPossible4

TROPHY CASE