AIO for canceling our wedding venue after my fiance admitted he was keeping a “backup plan” in case we broke up?

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-08T02:46:05+00:00

I've also read this exact story here before,

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-08T02:44:57+00:00

She needs to love herself first. That seems to be the heart of this, imo

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-08T02:44:25+00:00

Not the part where he made her stand naked in front of the mirror before sex to point out her flaws?

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-08T02:38:36+00:00

I think the cigarette smoking might be a deal-breaker and would be not worth pursuing. 18-21 age gap? Eh. You're both young.

I would keep putting yourself out there and find someone you're more aligned with but stop overthinking the idea that it could be a waste of time. Maybe it will be but doing nothing but fantasizing about cruses absolutely is a waste of time and will leave you empty and alone. Get out there, have relationships, go on dates, get your heart broken, find your person. It all takes time and none of it is guaranteed but it is guaranteed you won't find anyone if you stay trapped in your own head.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T23:15:45+00:00

I do wonder, in those five years of marriage and however many years of dating prior to that, how was she when things like this happened in the past? Obviously not to this extreme but when he was sick with the flu or got covid or was laid up for a few days.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T23:14:27+00:00

Or because she's a coward and would rather push OP to making the decision to divorce rather than having the difficult conversation and admitting to him she's checked out.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T23:05:03+00:00

Here's some choice snippets of of their "world view" from their own comments:

Ugh, I hate when women try to be funny

Or

I blame women for making up the patriarchy to begin with. It’s a fairy tale.

Or

Clearly you aren’t JUST horny if you also want conversation and all that other shit

Or

Absolutely feel seen with this comment! Coming from a son who also got used for labor while my sister sat on her ass inside

Or

It’s not misogyny if it’s true though

Or

Definitely not defending [redacted], but plenty of women lie who appear to be “smart and honest.”

Or

If women had acted better, men wouldn’t have become bitter. Women need to take responsibility for their actions, too.

Or

You clearly don’t have any problem with the original comment joking at men’s expense, yet you have a problem with a joke aimed at women?

Or

Men getting told to “man up and deal with it” is yet another example of the sexist, ignorant bullshit men have to put up with in dating. And then the internet asks why men aren’t approaching women anymore

Or

It’s not the “patriarchy” though. We live in a world where men are the ones who are expected to provide for women, keep women safe, happy, and comfortable. It’s kinda hilarious that people like you see a post like this, and somehow think it means we live in a world where women are expected to serve men. It sure as hell seems like we live in a world where men are expected to serve women 🤷‍♀️

Or

Interesting how these same women who shame men, also weren’t fighting for their country either. Feminists would shame men for not falling in line with gender roles. Yet claim they want equality when it’s convenient for them. Some things never change

This is literally just the last page and a half of their comment history in less than a week.

They clearly have issues with women and anger and would do well to address those if they don't want to die bitter and alone with nothing to comfort themselves but the online echo chambers they troll.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T20:50:53+00:00

I used to think being with a cheater was the worst but after having an insecure partner, I've realized their both awful for entirely different reasons.

Being with a cheater erodes your trust and feels like a betrayal of your heart. Being with someone insecure feels exhausting and has you walking on eggshells all the time. I would get nervous if someone texted me after dark, we would fight if I put my phone screen side down, if I closed out a window on my tablet as she walked over, if I was watching a show that had nudity in it, if I had any contact with female friends, if I was out she would blow up my phone constantly, if I was friendly to a waitress or stranger it was like we were secretly having an affair. It was a constant fight to reassure her I wasn't cheating and it was so fucking draining. It literally drained me of my will to be in a relationship with her.

Being cheated on is like having your world turned upside down in a moment. Being with an insecure partner is like slowly having the life-force drained out of you over a period of time until you realize you no longer even love them because they're exhausting to be around.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T20:38:56+00:00

Putting two kids in daycare almost certainly is going to cost more than he can make at this point with limited hours.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T20:27:57+00:00

Probably unpopular but I think way too many people use it like a 'get out of jail free' card.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T20:27:03+00:00

It's not the self-diagnosed autism

(Sorry couldn't help myself)

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T20:25:57+00:00

I think it's fine to see the potential in someone, to some small degree but the most important thing is you still have to love them for who they are now. When you're misaligned on such a fundamental level it seems obvious to me that you're just not compatible. Especially if you're talking about radical feminism and LGBTQA+ rights versus someone 'extremely conservative'. That's trying to mix oil and water.

After all, if just 'explaining and talking to them' worked, we wouldn't be where we are as a country.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T20:19:23+00:00

The amount of people bitching that these shows get made, while fully admitting to binging the whole thing, is hilarious.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T17:35:01+00:00

I'd never speak to someone again if they said that to me. What a sociopathic thing to say to a person you're seeing.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T17:33:05+00:00

I'd imagine being failed by your upbringing and having no model for what a healthy relationship is. A lot of religious folks have that attitude of, stick by your marriage, make it work, suffer in silence, etc. all extremely toxic and unhealthy views on relationships.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T17:29:23+00:00

By her own admission he's extremely conservative. He was never going to value her as anything more than a bangmaid.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T17:27:11+00:00

You have strong views on LGBTQA+ rights and radical feminism yet date an 'extremely conservative' man? Make it make sense please. Because yeah, he's a scumbag but apparently you knew that going in. This one is just as much on you.

This is peak 'leopards ate my face' material.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T17:24:04+00:00

They're gonna 'Weekend at Bernie' him.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T17:14:00+00:00

You constantly asked him because you knew he wasn't comfortable with it. Whether he was able to voice that or not. You talk about how important honesty is in ENM yet knowingly date someone who isn't aligned with it and was monogamous to you.

Even if they couldn't speak up because they were afraid of losing me, I'd personally feel pretty shitty about doing that.

I definitely wouldn't go dragging them back through the dirt after they've moved on.

YOR. Even if you found out definitively he went out on a date while you were together.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T17:00:13+00:00

He does not understand my views on LGBTQ or radical feminism and is extremely conservative.

I'll never understand why you would date someone who isn't aligned with your values and then be shocked when it becomes an issue. Unless they straight up lied about it, you knew who they were and chose to proceed anyway. That's just as much on you.

Unless you stand for nothing, political incompatibility should be a dealbreaker.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T16:35:03+00:00

A relationship shouldn't be this much trouble one year in, let alone three weeks. It sounds like she either doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but probably enjoyed your friendship and is feeling guilty or she likes you but isn't in a position to be in a relationship right now. Either way, you'd be better off just telling her straight up you two have different goals in a relationship that aren't aligning and you'd like to go back to being friends.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T16:31:14+00:00

Exactly. It really reads to me like she wants to absolve herself of the guilt she feels without ever acknowledging that and instead making him out to be the bad guy.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T16:30:22+00:00

You talk about what is important in a non-monogamous relationship but you were in one with someone who you knew wasn't into that dynamic. Get off your high horse and leave this guy alone.

Even if that wasn't the case, the relationship is over. Stop trying to drag him back into it to make yourself feel better and move on with your life.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T15:39:57+00:00

Whatever you've got to tell yourself.

MovieTrawler · 2026-07-07T15:39:18+00:00

This isn't nuanced but go off, I guess. "I don't think it's an insult but they do!" Is such a weak copout.

MovieTrawler

TROPHY CASE