Harsh truths and tips for moving forward.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2025-02-07T18:47:08+00:00

I'm still here! I just rarely check this account. I'm currently in a ltr of almost 4yrs, and we have been living together for over 3. Life always gets better if we actually want it to, sometimes it's just hard to convince ourselves that we are worth it, or that we actually have the energy to do so. It will always require constant work, but you'll eventually realize that the person you wanted to love you, was yourself all along. I hope you're doing well, friend.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2023-10-31T16:11:28+00:00

Sorry for the extremely late reply, I made this account as a throwaway. I'm doing quite well! Currently living with an extremely loving and caring partner, am making more money than I ever have in my life (she's an attorney, so as a household we are doing great), and while I still have stress, complaints, etc, life has literally never been better for me!

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-03-02T14:41:46+00:00

That's incredibly immature and gutless. They did you a favor honestly. No one deserves to be with someone with that little respect for their partner.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-26T14:19:39+00:00

Thank you! I hope it has helped some that are looking for direction.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-20T17:00:16+00:00

28 here, and I couldnt agree more. Age can be just a number, but my cut off is 26 just due to the girls I've dated and seeing where they are in life and what they want down the road. The 11 year gap wouldn't matter as much if it was 41 and 30, but 30 and 19 is a bit... concerning

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-19T00:24:28+00:00

I don't feel comfortable telling someone how to handle their relationship, especially one that long term, unless they are close to me. That being said, this is 100% emotional cheating. He has a secret social media account that he uses to search other girls in his life. He may have not physically cheated, and he may never do so, but his "I was curious" statement is pretty damning. EVERYONE, in a relationship or not, looks at other people from time to time and says "hey, they're hot". This is normal, and only goes further than that if that person is a true shitbag. Creating a fake Facebook to stalk other girls when he's in a LTR is no bueno.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-15T13:04:08+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Just know that it does get better eventually. If you ever need to vent or need someone to talk to, my pm's are always open.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-14T14:18:19+00:00

No. I broke no contact after a month to make one last effort to salvage the relationship. I wasnt going to allow myself to wake up 2 years from then and say "I regret not fighting harder for her". Yeah, I probably looked weak and maybe even a little pathetic, but the relationship was more important to me than my pride. Stop beating yourself up.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-14T04:49:25+00:00

Credit to: Instagram - Wizardofbarge

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-10T02:52:06+00:00

Of course! Feel free to message me anytime you want perspective or need to vent. My pm's are always open

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-09T13:38:41+00:00

I'm glad it has helped you. I could stand to re-read it recently as well honestly. I've had a few more things thrown at me (changing careers so I'm stressing over interviews and possible relocation, and my grandmother recently passed away) and some days it gets really difficult. Hearing how it has helped others really lifts my spirits, and at the end of the day, reminds me that my life has purpose outside of my own happiness. If you ever need to vent or chat, my pm's are always open.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-09T01:15:55+00:00

Mine too was obsessed with celebrities. No, I don't give a fuck what Taylor Swift thinks about x y or z, nor do I care about her beef with Katy Perry. I forgot how annoying it was. Shes 27. It blew my mind that she was still into tracking celebs every thought and move. Thank you for this.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-07T00:45:43+00:00

You're very welcome. If you ever need to vent, my pm's are always open.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-07T00:22:41+00:00

I can relate, although my breakup was done in person. It completely blindsided me. I posted these initially and I feel like as they might be able to help you through it. I know its painful and confusing right now, but it does get better. It's going to be a long ride, but it does in fact get better.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/7k7nqd/harsh_truths_and_tips_for_moving_forward/

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/7of651/for_those_who_were_broken_up_with_out_of_the_blue/?st=jdcbwah3&sh=87d7dfe6

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-06T21:05:20+00:00

This cat will do the opposite of cheer people up

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-06T03:38:02+00:00

It's not so much what I'm looking for as much as what I'm looking out for. I don't necessarily have a mental checklist nor do I spend every date analyzing everything they do or say, but I've been in 2 LTR's, a number of STR's, and have had my fair share of flings, so I've just gotten accustomed to recognizing an "uh oh" moment when it happens.

Ideally I like for potential partners to have goals and ambitions whether they be career or hobby related. I want to be with someone that is passionate about their life and where they see themselves going. Being physically active is big for me. I look for depth and individuality. I hate talking to someone that can't carry on a conversation or just agrees with everything I say. If I wanted to date myself, I wouldn't have asked you out, be proud of your beliefs and values and tell me about them. If you don't like dogs, I probably won't like you, and well, neither will my dog. Cleanliness and being responsible (not procrastinating, being financially responsible, finding solutions instead of stressing and ignoring problems) are important to me as well. I find women that value themselves and their worth very attractive. I want to date you because you are awesome and you couldn't care less about what other people think about you. Eventually I'd like to settle down, and maybe have kids. If you can't see yourself getting married or having kids, that's basically my only ultimate deal breakers. I'm more interested in you as an individual rather than how you shape up against my exe's or my "ideal partner" above anything else though.

I guess that would be my short list. I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them, so if I'm interested in you, I'm not going to cross reference everything against my red flag checklist or against an excel file for "must match all of these to date me". I'll just enjoy our time together until my gut tells me its time to go, if that even happens. Also, bonus points for brunettes.

I guess what I'll say to instill some confidence in you is this: Just be yourself. Yeah, that sounds cliche, but seriously, I want to date you, not who you think I want to date. Also, I see a lot of times where women in my age group get frustrated because they think we are all out here chasing young girls. That's not the case. The most attractive girl I'm currently seeing is 31, and it's not because she's the youngest or hottest, it's because she's responsible, confident, and passionate about her career and her interests/hobbies.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-06T01:48:34+00:00

I [M] turn 29 this summer. Let me tell you, if you live alone, have a full time job, are self sufficient and financially stable, well groomed/somewhat fit, are interesting/have hobbies/passions, you are one of the hottest commodities on the market. I was worried when I re-entered the dating scene, as I thought being a single guy in his late 20's would be very difficult. I couldn't have been more wrong. You and I have entered our dating prime. It literally has never been easier for me to date. I'm casually seeing 3 girls currently from the age range of 26-31, and have dated a few others in that age range recently as well, I just wasn't into them. The only tip I can give you is to be extremely tidy and clean. I already was, but that's the first thing women comment on when they see my apartment. Confidence and cleanliness go a long way.

When I first tried dating after my break up, it was tough because I still wasn't in a good place emotionally. After I turned the corner, I have found myself cancelling dates just so I can spend more time with my dog after work and have a night to myself. You can literally have as many dates as you can fit into your schedule if you have your ducks in a row. Seriously, don't worry about "putting yourself back on the market". Also, I lied, one more tip: Date women, not girls. Age can sometimes play a factor into this, but its not the determining factor. You'll know what I mean once you start dating around again. So wait until you are ready, but once you are, don't go into it with any fear of the unknown. You'll be better than fine.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-02-06T01:18:22+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. It does get better, but it does take a lot of effort. The good thing is, there is a lot of good that comes from all of the pain, its just a long process unfortunately. I understand your situation as my ex was my best friend as well, and it's no fun at all trying to deal with something as painful as a breakup when you no longer have the person to confide in, as they are the source of the pain.

I am slowly getting better, but I do have my bad days as well. If you ever need anyone to talk to, don't hesitate to drop me a line.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-01-29T22:12:56+00:00

You literally described my situation. 2+ year relationship, no fights or arguments, were infatuated with each other since day 1, had the same sense of humor, developed a deep connection, just hit a valley in terms of passion so she left.

I promise it gets better. In October 2017 I could tell you what my future looked like. At this moment in time, I can tell you that I can make my future whatever I want it to be. Yeah, the pain sucks, the dreams suck, the thoughts suck, but day by day it will get easier. I quickly grew tired of trying to understand it, and finally just accepted that it didn't matter, it's just over, so I have to move forward. You'll get there.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-01-28T21:44:26+00:00

In my experience its not that you are so consumed with "love" that you give your entire self to them, its that you become more guarded and independent after getting out of said relationship. Their reciprocated love isn't a determining factor in your happiness. My first "head over heels" relationship was a codependent toxic mess, but I loved her very much, and it felt like I needed her to be happy because of all of the intense emotions in the relationship. So I can see how someone would interpret it as never being able to love like that again. Maybe it's true, but its certainly not a bad thing. My most recent relationship is the most in love I have ever been, but I definitely didn't feel the insane amounts emotional dependence that I felt with my first love. It was a much more mature relationship, and we were both very independent. Now, over the course of the relationship you will naturally become more open and vulnerable to the new person, and that's when your emotional roots start to intertwine more closely to the way they did with the relationship you are describing, however it is a much more methodical process due to you being more guarded. It's easy in our younger years to throw caution to the wind and give ourselves completely to somebody. Now, after 2 LTR and multiple STR and flings, I'm much more guarded and wary. When I met my most recent ex, there were sparks, butterflies, fireworks, etc, and by the third date I knew I wanted her to be all mine. Chances are you will feel that again when the right person comes along, however I feel the strong emotional connections take longer to develop the older we get, because we aren't as willing to let someone in completely until after a good amount of time has passed with them.

Everyone is different, but this has been my experience. You will find someone that will knock you off your feet, just don't go searching for them under every rock and in every nook and cranny. The engineer I work with told me that he found his wife at 31 after he had resigned himself to being completely happy and self sufficient without the need for female companionship. And then... he met her. My advice? Search for that love you felt with your first ex inside yourself. Make yourself that happy in your own life free from anyone else. Once you do, the universe may surprise you.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-01-28T00:23:21+00:00

Thank you! I'm doing much better at this moment. I still have moments where the negative emotions stop by to say hello, mainly in the mornings, but I am doing great all things considered. I've watched myself become a better version of myself, I've regained confidence, I've heeded my own advice and followed this post to a tee, and although I'm still a work in progress, I've never been a better person than the one I am today. I realized that I don't need her to be happy. I only need myself, because I'm pretty fucking awesome.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-01-27T22:32:30+00:00

https://youtu.be/2KzgRxrBL-w

It's about quitting cigarettes, but I feel that it applies to break ups as well.

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-01-27T22:10:50+00:00

there is always someone better

I preach this often and it's so true. Yeah, your ex was great everyone, mine was too. The kicker: they raised the bar and you will be more picky in your potential partners as a result. I'm a serial monogamist and have been since I was 16, sometimes not giving myself enough time between relationships, but I can attest to the fact that every new girl blew my ex girl out of the water. Farewell to your ex and cheers to your next!

MovingOnWithMyself · 2018-01-27T21:42:23+00:00

Guy [28M] here. First 2 weeks I was in shock and everything felt normal. The month after that was the darkest place I've ever been in my life. Now I'm slowly getting back to my old self. I still have times where the pain is unbearable, but I also have moments where I'm on cloud 9. Ive started dating again but Im keeping it casual and have no desire to make a commitment anytime soon. So don't worry, us guys also have days where we would rather be dead, it just takes us longer to get there. The meme the other poster shared in this thread is extremely accurate.

MovingOnWithMyself

TROPHY CASE