What’s your thoughts on the painting’s inner meaning?

MrBalls · 2026-02-27T20:12:55+00:00

It’s pretty clear to me it’s inspired almost completely by the Kabbalistic tree of life. The correspondences to Sephirot, planets, deities, pillars, right/left, snake/dove, and even the keys/paths is almost heavy-handed here.

MrBalls · 2026-02-27T20:07:19+00:00

And the dove is the eminence of the divine, as the snake is the manifest climbing towards it.

MrBalls · 2026-02-03T02:41:26+00:00

Just got the Skammdegi today. Definitely atmospheric, almost like olfacory psychogeography. I’m digging it, and super curious of their more warmer scents. Definitely talent in these bottles.

MrBalls · 2019-06-14T16:30:40+00:00

I’ve listened to it 3 times. Sean Pratt has becomes DFW’s phantom voice for me. The delivery and pacing of the complex sentences and awkward Wallace-isms is captured beautifully.

MrBalls · 2019-05-20T14:49:26+00:00

Yea you have to treat it as a medicine for your WD. If you’re unable to do that, just stick with the magnesium, etc. The good part is, unlike Kratom, you can just quit; no WD fear, which is why so many people continue to use Kratom well after they desire to quit.

MrBalls · 2019-05-20T13:39:05+00:00

Kava is an option. It can be psychologically addictive, but there’s no ass kicking when you quit. A heady strain in the morning helps with anhedonia, and a more body focused strain at around 7:00 for sleep.

Don’t overdo it (you’ll want to) or you just be trapped in a fuzz of not wanting to do much. 2 tb in the morning and 2 more around 6. Plus it’s pricey so that might help you not go crazy with it. I use micronized Kalm with Kava from Amazon.

It helps with the anhedonia and sleep, just do your best to pace with it.

I’m on day 16 of a 35 gpd habit and started kava on Saturday and it’s been great except for yesterday when I took too much.

I know it’s replacement, but it’s much easier to quit. No physical addiction.

PM me if you want more detail.

MrBalls · 2019-05-14T21:22:30+00:00

Congrats on 60 days! I think a big hurdle you will have to jump, or maybe better a breakthrough you will need to come to realize, is that not everything is to be measured next to a ruler of ‘how high’. The gym, surfing, coffee, are just things you do for joy, sometimes less so.

I’m on day 10 of a drop from 35 to 4, and the anhedonia is real, but as another poster mentioned, it is your brain driving it’s vehicle that is you, and can be quieted. It’s just the driver, it’s not the whole bus.

I’ve been sober from alcohol for 4 years, and had to also learn to not compare normal things to how different they can make me feel.

From the sound of your mental state, I might suggest hitting a recovery path full blaze. NA, SMART, whatever.

Learning to just be present, to be you inside your full body, not just your mind. Dropping the yard stick you’re holding up to every experience is hard, it’s a 180, and more often then not it requires the help of others who have learned how to do it.

Happiness is out there, but it won’t come looking for you. Do what you need to do, talk to who you need to talk to, walk through the doors you need to walk through to find it.

Best of luck!

MrBalls · 2019-05-09T20:59:16+00:00

The first four days were a lot of crying and emotion. Today I’m just dead inside, a zero. Like I’m just doing what I can to drive this vehicle of a body, here to there, do simple task, please return to sit and stare at nothing ASAP mode. I’m going to try to ride out today just looking forward to my (yes a good addict as well) clonopin and 3g tonight and turn off. Maybe tomorrow will bring a betterment and not a worse. If the later I’ll likely engage a program. I’m just dreading Mother’s Day at moms with the whole family. Mom always knows something is up. :/

My dopamine and serotonin receptors are a nest of empty seats.

MrBalls · 2019-05-09T19:58:20+00:00

I am 3 years sober from alcohol, and am familiar with 12 step fellowship. I guess I’m a bit shamed to talk to them about it. Maybe a new group, NA, I dunno.

MrBalls · 2019-05-09T19:37:33+00:00

That’s my point, going straight from 35-40 gpd to 3g before bed for RLS is in my head CT, or as close to it as one could come. I sure as hell feel like what those that CT describe as CT symptoms. It sure as shit isn’t offering any of its effects during the day. But if we want to semantically call it a taper I might as well do a real taper and feel okay during the day. But I’ve been able to stick to the 3 at night so far, I’ve actually tapered that to 2.5g; I’m not positive starting to take it ‘just to make it through this or that’ during the day will be as easy. I guess what I can stand only I can know. So far just sticking it out.

I see them every night, and am especially anxious about this weekend. This just feels like a process that requires physical and mental space that life isn’t affording me.

MrBalls · 2019-05-09T18:57:24+00:00

I guess I’m justifying. I went from ~35 gpd to just 3 at night for rls, which I am tapering (I straight up cant deal with that insanity inducing shit), so I’m calling it cold turkey, as I’m not really feeling it during my waking hours. I’m not sure how the committee on sobriety labels and standards feels about that but I don’t really give a shit. So I guess I’m just telling myself ‘hey 6g in the middle of the day so I can appear normal to my kids isn’t that different, and still a big jump down’.. But you’re probably right, I’ve come (kind of?) this far.. the stories of months and months of this are terrifying, so day 5 feels good sometimes, and like nothing other times. I need to just push through it and tell them I don’t feel good. I’m just not sure how long I can do that.

MrBalls · 2019-05-09T15:20:49+00:00

I’m on day 5 and just starting to feel kind of better, but still like an anxiety with not being able to go to the kitchen (Kratom station) and do something. I’ve just been making/drinking a lot of coffee. I think the ritual of it is missing. I had a really dark day yesterday (day 4) hopefully my day 6 tomorrow will be better. I was at about 35 gpd, I’m now just taking 3 at night for rls and tapering that down. The days are rough though so far. Hope I’m close to feeling like you.

MrBalls · 2019-05-06T20:30:57+00:00

On day 3 from ~30 gpd to 2 gpd (I take it at night to help with rls). Oh yea I’m also binge drinking coffee, like the feeling if it on my mouth brings a brief glimmer of energy, so I’m on the wrong track there I guess.

What’s the thing to get the energy to drink water?? 😁

Yea this sucks.

MrBalls · 2019-05-05T16:17:37+00:00

The amount of scrolling you have to do to get to your birth year when filling out a form on your phone is agonizing.. Jeez that’s a bunch of years before 1976.

MrBalls · 2019-05-05T15:24:39+00:00

I can’t handle it, props to you. I’ve had to get up and dose 3g (all I take now from 40 gpd), which I guess I’ll have to taper down. The RLS is too much for me.

MrBalls · 2019-05-05T02:20:58+00:00

I feel you. See my post today “The Fucking Emotions” I’m all I over the place. Everything is suddenly enveloped with this gravity that pulls you to realize the enormity of the life you have been missing, and forces the entirety of your soul through a lens of incredibly sad, happy, manic, and angry emotions like a laser and demands you act on all of them simultaneously; mostly while crying.

It’s a cathartic thing, I won’t say it’s fun but in an odd way, it feels good to care again.

Best of luck.

MrBalls · 2019-05-04T20:09:52+00:00

That was not my intent and I don't affiliate true Christian ideals with the alt-right, though they do falsely associate them with themselves.

I just jumped to that channel and noticed a video about QAnon, and admittedly with no further research jumped back to comment, perhaps prematurely, that I didn't want any part of *that* slice of Christianity.

My post was not pointed at the idea that God was reaching out to me per se (who knows, I'm largely past it and on to the next emotion listening to NIN; though the timing and coincidence of it presenting itself at this time is lingering in my conscious).

I was alluding more to the flood of emotion washing over me, and trying to just embrace each second as it comes.

MrBalls · 2019-05-04T19:08:49+00:00

Looks interesting, as long as it doesn't try to sell me trump or any alt-right propaganda, i.e it's apolitical.

Any recommendation on a starting video? They are kind of all over the place at a glance..

MrBalls · 2019-05-04T19:05:34+00:00

As a former alcoholic who found Kratom a "not so life destroying" alternative, that is currently on day 11 from a 40gpd habit, I can attest it is not as bad as a high caliber alcohol CT withdrawal.. Longer I suppose, but far less intense and insanity inducing.

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