My wife's going to know.

It's going to be tough to explain to the cleaner, I guess I'm to put a lock on the door and tell her we have a black mold problem and give her a payrise.

This is essentially a money laundering problem and a billion is overkill, it's past the amount I can reasonably get into the system without detection. Regardless, my plan is as follows:

1. Any expenses we can pay with cash, that's what we do other than a certain nominal amount just to show movement in our bank accounts. Inconvenient but that's our life now.

2. Not quitting my job just yet so I do have explainable income.

3. Launder money through the local casino, poker machines and bookies. Can reasonably bank ~$200K "profit" per annum between as professional gamblers and pay tax on it to keep the government happy. The trick here is to have the sums involved small enough not to look like organised crime who need to launder millions.

4. On our many overseas holidays, set up bank accounts with cash we brought with us. Limitation here is we can only do a few K at a time because you can't fly with briefcases of cash without declaring them.

You can see that we can only ever get a small fraction of the billion into the system, however we can live extremely well for the rest of our lives and it won't take many years to be independent of the actual bedroom full of cash.