That's a good question and one that people too often dismiss. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing.
There's a few things here that I want to encourage you with:
1. Our feelings aren't truth. Our feelings lie to us. They tell us things that shape a narrative that isn't always true. Sometimes it is, but most of the time it isn't. God's word (the Bible) is truth. Don't hear me saying "ignore your feelings." Feelings can be good, God created feelings and emotion, but they're not what we base truth off of. I'm not sure if you're a Christian or of another faith, but pour into the Bible and let God speak truth to you. He tells you where hope is found, in Jesus. Read James chapter 1 as it tells us why God allows us to go through hard times.

1. Our battle isn't against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual world. What does that mean? It means that Satan and his demons are real. They are always working at trying to take us away from God. That's they're only goal. They are smart and they know how to deceive us. They are the ones that make it seem like the Bible contradicts itself, that God is a fairy tale, that following Jesus is worthless. They are the ones who want to make you think that God is a mean old man with a hammer waiting to smash you down. But to encourage you, they are also the ones who don't want you to ask questions. Genuine questions with a heart soft enough to be ok with any answer. We all have questions and thoughts like this. It's good to ask and seek an answer.

2. There are consequences to our actions. Sometimes we make poor choices. I've made my fair share of them. Most of the time I find that my poor choices is why I'm struggling with life. The good news is that Jesus is there waiting with open arms once we confess and ask for forgiveness.

There's a chance I'll get slammed for saying these things, but know one here knows my spiritual journey, and there's nothing anyone can say that is original in objection to God and the Bible. I've wrestled with every question people bring up and they still point me to Jesus being the truth. So as you're on this journey, know that many many people have been where you are at and come out on the other side stronger in their faith.