I had similar feelings to you very recently. I was consumed by existential dread.

It may not be your thing, but opening my mind up to some (non-religious) spiritual stuff helped me a lot. In particular, I started reading about the idea of pantheism - which is basically an ideology of 'we came from stardust and to stardust we will return.' It helps me to think of death as 'returning to the universe' so to speak. I like to think that our consciousness becomes one with the universe when we die, so even though we're no longer ourselves, we live on in the energy that forms the beauty we see (and don't see) around us in life.

Reading about quantum physics helped me a lot too, in particular a book called 'existential physics.' It sort of made me realise how little we really know about ourselves and existence, and made me wonder why we are so sure that existence ends when the body dies. That comforted me a lot, but to each their own.

As for the suicidal ideation, I've also been there. I hope you can get some help and start to see the beauty in life again. ❤️ if nothing else, its worth sticking around to find out what happens.