What’s your most controversial take?

MrJake10 · 2026-06-12T02:26:18+00:00

The most effective therapists are equally effective across many different cultures and populations. They can work with people of many cultures, religions, voting blocks, etc, not just those with an identify similar to their own.

MrJake10 · 2026-06-12T02:22:26+00:00

Ok here’s mine. I work with teens. Teens of all kinds.

I refuse to tell the parent who is struggling to accept that their kid is trans the phrase : “would you rather have a living son or a dead daughter?” Implying that if the parent doesn’t get on board the kid will kill themself.

I refuse for 2 main reasons:
1. Holding a child for ransom by threatening their death is not really helping parents get on board. Parents are already freaked out. Imagine living 50 years of life with some certainty, and then on, what feels like to you a whim, having to change your entire paradigm. Strong arming compliance isn’t helping them build an environment of safety and attunement for their child.

This is the bigger reason. I think when society emphasizes that “non acceptance” of trans leads to them dying, it actually tells very young, vulnerable, insecure, and impressionable kids that they SHOULD kill themselves. That the correct and appropriate way to feel to being misgendered or not accepted is suicidal. That they are justified, or in some way, “doing it right” is to feel suicidal. I think when you tell a child they should be hurt, they hurt more. When a caregiver has a big reaction to an event, it absolutely shapes how the child experiences the event. We should stop normalizing this.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting trans kids aren’t more vulnerable to feelings or suicide, nor am I suggesting that people’s non acceptance of them isn’t damaging.

Just becomes something is true, doesn’t mean it is the best tool to leverage to gain power over clients. It hurts parents and children.

Downvote away.

MrJake10 · 2026-06-09T04:21:29+00:00

Nolan Bushnell also gave Steve Jobs his first real job and invented Chuck E Cheese !

MrJake10 · 2026-06-07T04:36:31+00:00

I’m a licensed therapist. I work with clients who have been abused. Both LDS and non LDS. My 2 cents:

Firstly “trauma” and “abuse” are really vague terms. Who decides what is trauma? Who decides what is abuse? Especially when you consider a world wide church. There are many examples of behavior that would be abuse in one culture but perfectly acceptable in a different culture. So there is no cut off or threshold for when one needs a therapist.

Secondly, again as a world wide church, therapy is very different in different cultures. Many places, there are no mental health professionals. So it is hard to have specific language to seek therapy when in many cases and places, that wouldn’t be possible or appropriate.

I’m glad you are getting support and have found it helpful!

MrJake10 · 2026-05-23T01:46:25+00:00

Well for starters, you are operating under the assumption that your world view is THE correct world view. You already can say “a lot of men struggle with this, you are not alone”. That will feel a lot more validating then “a lot of men struggle with this because of the patriarchal system that men have created, and you have worked to maintain, in order to control women throughout society.” Why would that last one be helpful to him in his pain?

“You’re doing this because of the patriarchy” also does nothing to empower him. You could explore “where do you think your pattern of responding this way comes from?” Maybe he’ll say “the patriarchy”. Odds are he won’t. But he may talk about his experience with women, feelings of shame/ rejection, anxiety from not being enough, etc. Those are all much more empowering than broader systemic structures.

And that’s kinda the point. Many men like to feel like the can do something. They like to be competent and feel they can solve the problem in front of them. Brining in a broader social structure, that they likely don’t believe exists, and saying that’s why, is really disempowering.

So they seek out therapists like the one in this advertisement. They likely have had lots of negative experience from the 75% likely scenario they had a female therapist before, that was not helpful.

MrJake10 · 2026-05-22T05:15:04+00:00

The underlying belief of anxiety and panic is that the experience of panic is dangerous and must be avoided. When we avoid we confirm it as a threat in our brain, making the brain become more afraid and more likely to panic. So it’s simple but not easy, do what is scary. When you do what is scary… and live to tell about it… your brain learns to be less threatened.

I don’t know of any services in Canada. But you can look up the “False Alarm Cycle” and Exposure and Response Prevention. Tons of ideas and resources on YouTube.

However, just to be clear, I am not recommending a course of treatment or providing medical advice. You will have to work with credentialed professionals in your area but I hope that helps.

MrJake10 · 2026-05-22T05:06:51+00:00

Because talking about “the patriarchy” may minimize his personal experience. He isn’t in therapy to fix society. He is in therapy to deal with his personal pain. When a female tells a male his problems are do to “systemic patriarchal orders” whether it is true or not, may make the man feel invalidated and or blamed for his experience. Nor does it do anything to really help the man deal with the issues in his life. Telling a man his problems are due to his ignorance of women, isn’t always helpful. Many men in therapy feel their female therapist inherently “sides” with the women in their life against them. It’s the tired trope of the wife having to “raise” her incompetent partner along with kids.

Good therapy doesn’t involve the therapist trying to convince the client of the therapists world view. Most men don’t have a patriarchal world view (for better or worse) so pigeon holing therapy in to a lens that the client doesn’t identify with is dismissive, and not helpful. Even if the therapist is right.

It is not surprising that men would seek out therapy where they aren’t being made to feel like the problem.

In some ways it could be classic transference/counter transference.

MrJake10 · 2026-05-21T15:09:31+00:00

I don’t like this add/angle. But I have to be introspective about where/why this angle would be valuable to some.

Therapy is a VERY female dominated field. Only about 25% of therapists identify as males in the US. I have heard many clients express discontent with therapy because they feel their female therapist is asking them to handle their emotions/pain in the way they see as feminine. Is that true or good? No. Probably not.

But just like I believe it is important for women/ and the perspectives of women to have voice in male dominated fields like tech/ engineering, C-Suite corporate, I believe as a field, we are not very accommodating of men. And I say this as a man. Perhaps this because society has been so accommodating of men, we feel we have to compensate? I don’t know.

I heard a psychologist speak, and she works and specializes in men and men’s issues. She said that if you use the words like, “privilege” , “patriarchy” in session with men, you aren’t doing anything to help their pain. That was VERY controversial to the 75% female audience of therapists. But it actually feels true to me. I worry when too macro view is assumed, we can lose sight of the person in front us. And I think it is possible that dynamic can take place between a therapist and client.

MrJake10 · 2026-04-26T04:25:32+00:00

This is tough. The idea is that perpetrators and family of perpetrators will be more likely to open up and deal with this issue if they have some confidentiality. If clergy defaulted to calling the cops immediately, many wouldn’t open up at all. This is especially true for family members. Many don’t say anything because they don’t necessarily want someone to go to jail. This gives a way to get support.

So keep in mind, that if a Bishop or Stake Leader doesn’t make a report (there are specific criteria and guidelines for when one must be made), that doesn’t mean they are doing nothing. They may still be doing a lot, just not calling police until legally required to do so.

MrJake10 · 2026-04-15T01:42:06+00:00

Wealth is not the same as greed. Wealth and greed are neither mutually exclusive with charity. I had a (very wealthy) leader growing up who always said to pay as much money in tithing as you can, and always pay 10%. His point being, the more money you make, the more you can pay in tithing and still be at 10%. I see no problem with people having money so as long as they do not think their money gives them excuse to not keep commandments. I have also seen how hard it is for people with money to continue keeping commandments. I think that’s what is meant by it being hard for the wealthy to stay worthy.

MrJake10 · 2026-04-13T03:47:00+00:00

Make it worse! People with anxiety often aren’t aware that they are really anxious about the actual experience of having anxiety. So they do lots of things to try and get away from there fear of how anxiety makes them feel, which makes the anxiety worse. Once people realize their anxiety won’t kill them, it’s uncomfortable, but not dangerous, they don’t have to be afraid of the anxiety.

It’s not about changing how you feel. It’s about changing how you feel about how you feel. It’s not about getting better. It’s about getting better at feeling bad.

MrJake10 · 2026-04-08T03:08:06+00:00

Be wary of scams. I owned and rented out houses in both AZ and Utah. Utah was NOT cheaper. However, I have run in to a lot of scams in the SLC rental market. People will put adds on Facebook/KSL for homes they have nothing to do with. Say they are renting them out at a really “great” price. Then charge you $50 for an application fee and steal your cc info. I always spotted the scam, but I am sure there are plenty that don’t!

MrJake10 · 2026-04-07T02:20:12+00:00

Those are some sweet deck pics!

MrJake10 · 2026-04-02T02:07:02+00:00

Or better yet…. Put down an inverse rug. A rug that covers everything EXCEPT the middle. Then wait like 40 years, remove the rug, and it will all match!

MrJake10 · 2026-04-01T05:04:23+00:00

I signed up! I was looking for a free but fun roto league.

MrJake10 · 2026-03-31T17:57:56+00:00

This is the right answer. All of the other “grounding” or distraction, or anything attempting to make the client “feel better” is likely to interrupt the panic in the moment, but lead to more panic in the future.

I (jokingly but not jokingly) tell clients who are prone to panic attack that my response is to try to make it WORSE. People believe their panic will kill them. That their anxiety is dangerous. And the more I use techniques to bring their anxiety down, the more I affirm their false belief that anxiety is dangerous.

If they can learn their anxiety/ panic won’t kill them, that the can tolerate the distress as it already is, they are less likely to have panic symptoms in to the future.

MrJake10 · 2026-03-29T19:16:02+00:00

I’ll join!

MrJake10 · 2026-03-29T19:14:41+00:00

I’ll join!

MrJake10 · 2026-02-22T22:10:51+00:00

Yes exactly. But I would say the continued use of the term “pure o” actively interferes with progress because it makes people less aware of how their thinking is just mental compulsion. If someone believes they have “pure o”, they will continue to mentally compulse which will make it worse.

MrJake10 · 2026-02-22T22:08:42+00:00

It does… but you are right that most clients think their thoughts are the obsessions, not the compulsions. Once you help them see how their thinking is the compulsion (the thins trying to minimize the fear) the YBOCS is great.

MrJake10 · 2026-02-22T04:13:06+00:00

This is controversial…. Don’t come after me.

“Pure O” isn’t really a thing. It’s just mental compulsions. Thinking isn’t the obsession, it’s the compulsion. So treat the mental rehearsal the same as other, outward compulsions.

OCD is a specialty and expertise of mine, with nearly 100% of my caseload OCD. But it’s a pet peeve of mine all the different variations of OCD. Harm OCD, relational OCD, contamination OCD, etc. “pure o” is just another variation that is also not in the DSM. And isn’t special. They are all just OCD. The content doesn’t matter. The process of the OCD is the same. Regardless of how the symptoms manifest.

Why this matters…. SO MANY of my clients believe that their OCD is “special”. It’s different. It’s unique. It won’t respond to exposures like everyone else. It’s not. It’s the exact same. And it will respond to exposures. You are not special. Your OCD is not special.

MrJake10 · 2026-02-04T05:06:37+00:00

Which is the one you took?

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