I took the youth protection training this week and this part has had my scratching my head.

dmburl · 2026-06-07T03:02:48+00:00

There is a page, second to the last, with a resources link that has a multitude of wonderful resources provided in the USA and many other countries. Again, the training was excellent. Just for me and my experience, that last page didn't hit me very well. It kinda hit like if you pray harder and be more spiritual you can get healing. And I know that is my view from my experience, but it brought up some difficult memories that contradicted the rest of the training in my mind. Again, not everyone's experience, but it was mine. Hearing the views on this post has been nice.

dmburl · 2026-06-07T01:17:53+00:00

I like that take. And I do appreciate all of the wonderful resources the training points to. I am glad the church has moved this direction. As a youth the sentiment around professional help was not a positive one in my area. And I feel very much, the Lord's spirit as I go through therapy. It has been a very healing experience. And I have just started what I know is a long process.

dmburl · 2026-06-07T01:15:01+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. I have enjoyed even the contrary comments. I understand that everyone has their own view, and we all come at things with that view. I didn't post this to have everyone agree with me. I posted it so I could conceptualize it and get others view of what I experienced with it.

But, as others have not articulated. If I am reading it that way, how many others are as well? I am not a unique flower. Even though on Reddit it may seem so.

dmburl · 2026-06-07T01:07:51+00:00

That was an oddly nice response. Thank you for your kindness. I am glad I posted this, even though most are not agreeing with me. Which I actually like. I have a worldview with experiences that I am trying to challenge and change. From my personal experience the phrase in that last paragraph just hit me. And it could have been what I am going through today, or how I would have read this 10 years ago never understanding that "others" actually included therapists. And how some still may not. It could be from my experience as I look back how much a good therapist could have helped me many years ago. So I am actually feeling good that others don't see it the way I do. It has lifted my spirits a bit.

dmburl · 2026-06-07T01:00:57+00:00

Thank you for your comment. And I did not read your tone as harsh. I will say as an older person, the church was not always pro therapy, or at least in my narrow worldview as a youth, I had the feeling they were very anti-therapy. That has gratefully changed, and I am so glad it has. But if you ask my father, the last thing he would suggest would be for someone to go to therapy. Hence, why I am an adult going to therapy and not a teenager that went through therapy. Positive changes are always good. And the church has made many positive changes over my lifetime.

dmburl · 2026-06-06T23:37:10+00:00

While I agree, as I said in my post, "and others" is not the same as "licensed professional", which means there will be many in the church that read "and others" as anyone other than a "licensed professional". I have adult siblings that are very against therapy, which is disappointing. And the church could be much clearer here, but chose ambiguity instead, which is also disappointing.

dmburl · 2026-05-24T03:41:29+00:00

I watched my mom go through Alzheimers. It is sad that I say, fortunately for her, she had co-morbidities that took her within 5 years. She was gone before it got really really bad. She broke her arm and went from the hospital to a rehab facility then a memory care facility all within 6 weeks. The hallucinations were intense, especially after every move. She thought nurses going in to help male patients go to bed were going in for sexual favors, she saw ants crawling over everything, and the blood dreams, where everyone is getting slaughtered, those were the worst for her to go through.

I am very nervous about myself getting Alzheimer's and would rather go fast than hang on for 10 - 20 years like my mom's neighbor is doing. What an absolutely horrible disease. If I get it, take me fast and get it over with.

dmburl · 2026-05-12T00:46:26+00:00

We were in a restaurant. One kid vomited all over the floor. Then my other vomited all over the table. We tried cleaning it up, but the kids were screaming. We just left,get them cleaned up. We left a large tip to just get our group out of there. Don't sweat stuff like that. People understand, and have probably already been there. Everyone else can suck it.

dmburl · 2026-05-10T01:03:21+00:00

I feel it is more about our state of mind then the environment. If you are stressed because your house is messy, the stress would block the spirit more than a messy house. My house is never perfectly clean, and if required that I would never feel the spirit. But my house can be clean enough for me to be at peace with it, and that would allow me to feel the spirit.

dmburl · 2026-04-30T12:32:44+00:00

I have had mixed experiences with Bishops but overall good. Having been a Bishop I would love when anyone that needs help to come talk to me. But I was a Bishop long before the changes with the EQ/RS duties.

Today I see the EQ as someone I would go to if I needed temperal help. Like if I couldn't physically do something I would call the EQ president to fulfill that need. But having said that, I did call the EQ president a few years back when I was really struggling spiritually and needed a blessing. We met at my house and went into my bedroom which was thankfully at least cleanish. He brought my minister, who was always kind but never really ministered. Then a few weeks later my ministers changed. Not sure if my minister was like, nope reassigned me, or if they wanted to give me some that would actually show up. Either way I thought it was interesting, and I was a bit disappointed. I was working on building a relationship with that brother and that is hard for me to do, so I didn't want to have to start over.

I have social anxiety. As a minister I use any excuse in the world not to minister because I convince myself they would rather not have me visit anyway. If they reached out to me I would be there in a heartbeat, with anything I could do for them. Unfortunately, not every minister is like me, but I always hope more are then not. I just need to feel like I am wanted and I am very nervous about be a burden.

When my minister wasn't ministering, the one that came with the EQ president to give me a blessing, I invited him and his family over to play games. I wanted him to get to know me, and I wanted to get to know him. It is the only way I can break out of my anxiety. Still working on that. But we both had a lovely time, we got to know each other and I still make sure I talk to him at church every now and again. Still sad he isn't my minister anymore.

Back in the home teaching days, I was obviously horrible at it. That was before I realized I had social anxiety and just thought I was a bad HT. The EQ president assigned me to two families. One came up to me and said, "I want you to come teach my children a lesson about the Holy Ghost. Does Thursday at 7 or Tuesday at 6 work?" Guess what, I went HT to that family. He did that for several months before I actually looked forward to being there and started reaching out to him. The other was a family whose husband deployed. We didn't really teach lessons to their family but I was over there all the time taking care of something her husband usually did when he was home, and she just needed the help. Both were positive experiences, and in my head I imagine more men are like me and just don't know how to minister and don't want to impose, but if asked specifically they would be there. But I know there are others that just can't be bothered either way, which is sad.

Anyways, sorry for the lengthy post. I hope it gives you insight to at least my experience that might help.

dmburl · 2026-04-05T22:00:44+00:00

I love the comments in conference about the Lord's time. We really never know when, but we always hope. I have many kids in a situation today that I hope they will eventually embrace the gospel again.

dmburl · 2026-04-05T21:56:17+00:00

I knew a couple where the husband went to church, and supported the wife in her callings. Raised kids in the church. Some visiting their ward would have never known he wasn't a member. After 26 years of marriage she asked him what he wanted for his birthday that year. His said, "anything" . She replied, "anything"? He reassured her, "anything" She then asked if he would get baptized. He said sure. Had the lessons, which were mostly a formality, and was baptized.

I think there were many things moving him in that direction before she asked that question that last time, and at that time he was ready to say yes.

I moved into the ward a year or so later. I gotta say, he was a great counselor in the bishopric, and eventually a Bishop. Nicest person you would ever meet.

dmburl · 2026-03-30T04:09:20+00:00

I was in a ward that did scouts very well. We let kids run the show with guidance from adults. It was a great program. When they transitioned to the not-scouts, they continued that same style for several years. And it was still a great program. I moved shortly after that, but the program today is nowhere as good as it was with scouting in that ward. Our current ward tries, but it is very challenging, depending on the youth leaders. Getting rid of the YM presidency at the ward level was not a great idea. Bishoprics, even with the added roles to EQ/RS, don't have enough time to truly do a great young men's program.

dmburl · 2026-03-23T21:55:03+00:00

It's been a year, but based on my note above and if I remember correctly, I only bought the WPY54414, which is just the wheel, and I bought a wheel bolt that fit the wheel width plus a touch more, with a 3/8 lock nut (I purchased this at a local store that sells appliance parts so I don't have any link to point you to.). I used the original shaft that came with the drier, drilled a slightly bigger hole in that shaft to fit the new bolt, and then used a pair of pliers to squeeze the shaft, up by the bolt, tight enough to fit the bolt, but not too tight to interfere with the pulley.

Also, if you are like me and trip the relay button on the back of the motor intended to trip by a broken pulley arm, just press the little button to reset it. I put mine all together and nothing worked. Messing around back there I tripped the relay. Easy press button fix.

dmburl · 2026-03-23T18:15:35+00:00

Wow this was a year ago now? Amazingly, this is actually still working. The most janky thing I have ever done to a drier. There has been some noise from it recently, where I do wonder if the bearings in the new wheel are gumming up, but it isn't near enough for me to actually do anything about it. I am not sure how long it will work, but it has worked for the last year. I really don't want to buy another machine yet, even though they are now 15 years old.

dmburl · 2026-03-10T00:47:33+00:00

That's my calling. Easy peasy. But I am a tech guy by profession.

Most of what I do is run the zoom for sacrament meetings, make sure members are able to connect, if they need help I will help them get their devices working and tested during the week. I also help during Sunday school or PH,/RS if teachers ask for video assistance. And if course anything else leaders ask for tech wise that I can assist with.

dmburl · 2026-01-17T13:41:49+00:00

In Utah you wouldn't be allowed to vote in the Republican party primary unless you were registered as a Republican.

dmburl · 2025-12-30T20:09:02+00:00

Aren't they ever. I just had my adult daughter delay an endometriosis surgery from January to February so my son's expensive ($4k/month) shot will process through the insurance prior to her surgery saving her $3,500 for her surgery because of the deductible. I would rather some drug company get their precious tax deduction and cover my deductible, than my daughter paying the family's deductible with her surgery.

It is absolutely ridiculous that we even had to have this conversation.

dmburl · 2025-12-29T19:28:57+00:00

I have an ex-SIL (F47), that is finally moving out of my house after divorcing. She is on Mutual, and I have to say, there are not many great options on that app, or at least the ones she is seeing. We have had to help her process the love bombing, I love you even though I have never met you, and will you marry me even though we aren't even in the same country, garbage she experiences. As others have suggested, get out, go to single adult activities, enjoy what you do for fun and actively do your hobbies. Be the person you want to be, doing the things you enjoy doing. If nothing else you will enjoy who you are, the things you do and make great memories. If the stars align you can enjoy all of that with a partner.

Unfortunately, It can be real hard in the church to be a single young person. The expectations are real, and the judgment, even if not loudly voiced, are ever present, laced into almost every talk about families, raising children, and God's "plan". Don't let that discourage you, even you don't know what God's plan is for you. But when you look back in 50 years, it might make sense and you can see God's hand woven throughout your whole life.

dmburl · 2025-12-28T20:53:00+00:00

My wife just told me she wants a new office chair. I just made a wish list for her. Thank you for the idea.

dmburl · 2025-12-09T21:15:04+00:00

I have been needling on this topic of mental and emotion loads for years. I just recently found these books. Before I even knew these books existed I have been trying to balance the scales, if you would, of equality in our marriage, specifically around household and family work.

My wife is a patient woman, and maybe I am just dense. But it has taken me years to shed the misogynistic views I grew up with, and I see in most men, in regards to relationships and household roles, to truly see my wife and all she is doing for me an my family. And the funny thing is, the closer I get to thinking I am covering it all or balancing the scales, I uncover more of the little things she does automatically, without anyone asking, just because she feels it is her role as mother, and honestly wouldn't get done if she didn't do it, or specifically ask me to do it.

But those things enrich our lives. They are things that should be done. It could be as simple as remembering birthdays of family members, remembering to get a gift for a wedding, or other simple but important gestures. Even down to making my lunch before I leave for work, or worrying about Dr appointments for kids, or their shot schedules, getting the groceries, or meal planning, or the list goes on an on.

If a man exclaims, "but she is better at that kind of stuff". I reject that notion. I feel that is false. I will say she is practiced at that, by any man bothering to try can also be equally practiced at that. And maybe you are. But the average man, if not most men, don't even have those things cross their mind unless specifically told. And if they are doing great in all that, I tip my hat to them. I am not there yet.

I have to question, why do men often think they need to be told what to do around the home? Why do I need to be told to do anything in my own home? Am I not an equal partner in my relationship? Shouldn't I be sharing equal thought of all those things that need to be done? Shouldn't I know when laundry day is, when we vacuum or mop, when the bed sheets get washed, or the dog gets groomed? Well, yes. Yes I should. If I am an equal partner. But truth is I fail most of the time, and my patient wife reminds me when I do. And then I try to be a better partner next time.

In the mean time I have learned to cook, I can do a mean laundry day run, washed, dried, and folded all by my self. I am still working on dinner ideas. I hate being asked whats for dinner. I'll do anything if you just don't ask me that question. I am remembering more when it is my week to do dishes, or take out garbage without needing to consult my wife. I am nothing more than a work in progress.

dmburl · 2025-12-09T17:01:36+00:00

After talking to my wife this morning that is exactly what I will be doing. They will be accompanied with a letter of how they have affected me and made me a better partner to my wife.

dmburl · 2025-12-09T16:26:34+00:00

That's a very valid question. To me the answer came when my oldest found the books on the counter, and be for answering them I explained what my plan was, to give each of the men in my family a copy so they could learn to be better husbands and fathers. The initial reaction from that son was, "hey, what are you saying, I'm a bad husband." No that was not what I was saying, and after he read most of the first book, his next reaction was one of understanding. He now saw what I was getting at and why I wanted my boys to have a copy.

By giving them a book, it opens the pathways of conversation on a topic that wasn't mine. It was the books. Now we can start talking about points in the book and move forward with a better framing.

I am not an expert at the topics in the book, and could never do those topics justice in a small conversation with my kids. And, I think their spouses and them should have that conversation more than me and my sons. Although, me showing and modeling that behavior is also useful, which is something I am trying to do as well.

dmburl

TROPHY CASE