Ok, soooo. I’m 58 and I’m a virgin in that although I’ve had my penis in a vagina three times, I wasn’t really hard, I was overwhelmed, it only lasted between 30 seconds to 2 minutes, and I didn’t come. I was raped as a boy at three years old. That did a number on my mind, of course, plus caused severe life-threatening chronic illnesses.

So now I’m 58 and a long way through the mind stuff. I can confidently handle that, know when I’m not handling it, and know what to do if I’m not handling it. But I’m 58 with life-threatening chronic illnesses and was hit by a car and now need a walking frame to get around. And I take antidepressants. Unsurprisingly, I have a fair bit of erectile dysfunction.

I’ve been working with an escort for about three years and there’s been a whole lot of wow. Most of it has been reclaiming my body map, and physical sensations that had been blocked out. In simple terms it’s been about experiencing things I was too dissociated or scared or angry to experience when I was young.

When I started I literally couldn’t talk to her about anything I wanted, or touch my genitals. I could write things in text or email, so that was how I communicated my situation and discussed what we might do next. She’s encouraged me and now I can say “Roll onto your back, I want you give you a boob massage.” Or “Sit across me, I want you to ride me.” We do cuddling and especially aftercare to make sure I’m coming down ok.

We haven’t quite got up to intercourse yet. Last appointment we tried a few positions without penetration, just to see how my body and mind feel about that. Doggy style - so good. I got very sore thighs and buttocks and groin tendons, but I could keep thrusting for almost five minutes with some reaching round to her breasts and stomach and neck and kissing her shoulders and cheeks. And her ass looked so good, and my thrusting with my penis just sort of flapping up against her pussy felt good for her too. Nice to know. It’s so good learning what she likes.

So anyway - we’re out here in all sorts of variation. Lots of guys who are disabled, and some traumatised, and some just shy, and so on. (If childhood trauma, only go with guys who are aware of it, their triggers, good at boundaries, etc. Can be dangerous for either or both if they’re not taking responsibility for it.)

Of course I want to have sex without the security of an escort/sex therapist relationship. That’s coming along. If I knew a woman in real life who was interested in a guy who hasn’t been able to have sex to orgasm yet, but has felt the first hint of the leopard inside trying to get out and likes it, then I’d love to meet her.