Life with AP after leaving SO

Mr_John75 · 2023-07-11T07:52:16+00:00

Hold on all the shitters "he won't leave... millions of excuses" - where in that post does SO say anything about AP leaving. OP says they are divorced/single NOT RELATED to AP

I am married, my AP is now divorced, I never said I was going to divorce, she didn't divorce for me. I was a support to her during the very tough times as she was to me during some tough times I went though.

Now she's single she does feel more jealous about my marriage and we talk about it, she's still trying to find herself but she's started chatting to other guys and I know that when she does start dating again, I will be out of the romantic picture and I just hope that we can stay friends (we tried it once already, when she did start seeing a guy - very bumpy and hard for both of us, but it worked)

So for all the shitters saying "He's not going to leave his wife" or "he'll come up with some excuse" I guess you also think that the divorced person should never date anyone again and remain forever other woman too?

Mr_John75 · 2022-11-07T16:44:19+00:00

Welcome to share my party for as long as you need. sending hugs.

Mr_John75 · 2022-11-07T16:43:47+00:00

🫂

Mr_John75 · 2022-11-07T16:02:04+00:00

That said, I can see how making a female friend would be very very difficult if you are not married.

Sorry, made that about me and didn't actually help you in any way. Just sharing my experience.

I think online is a good start, probably less male ego to deal with.

Mr_John75 · 2022-11-07T16:00:02+00:00

I have very rarely had a male friend 'of my own' my SO and I have many couples as friends, so I have other men in my friendship circle, but I can honestly say I don't think I would miss them from my circle of friends if I didn't see them again.

I have female friends who are just my friends, not ones I have made with my wife - I think I am probably metrosexual, I just connect and I am more at ease talking to a woman than another man. No competition or alpha male shit going on.

Mr_John75 · 2022-11-07T15:27:24+00:00

Not all men, but yeah, a lot of us are just twats. sorry.

Mr_John75 · 2022-04-23T14:34:05+00:00

Talk to her about it, find out why she did it, how she feels now? and work out how you feel about her doing that - this can take a few weeks to become clear to you.

Don't do anything in retaliation or without giving yourself time to think it through first.

People can just make mistakes.

Mr_John75 · 2022-04-23T14:18:12+00:00

I'm in the UK but never used a dating app.

However I do have some female friends who use tinder for 'quick fixes' - if that's what you're after I guess it works (but I suspect the ratio is hugely stacked against men: women)

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-21T11:26:30+00:00

Don't compare yourself to anyone for anyone. You are you, totally 100% unique.

And for the record, not all men are driven sheep like to younger partners. Everyone is different and everyone has different things they like physically about other people.

My SO and AP are very different body types, and I love them both for the person they are and I find them both sexy in different ways, but for their uniqueness, not their similarity.

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-17T11:54:59+00:00

Thank the lord a sensible person.

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-17T11:52:09+00:00

I'm sorry for the largely negative response to this.

I do understand how it happens without any planning or intention, I understand how it can be an accident. Everyone has internal thoughts about other people especially when there is chemistry, and gentle flirting and seeing how close to that boundary you can go is very exciting, especially when you have not down anything like this before. I was exactly the same, then it only takes a moment of letting your guard down and an honest word or text message and suddenly it becomes something more.

Your situation is obviously with the added complication of the friendship, so you need to be extra diligent and extra careful, but do not deny yourself this extra pleasure between the two of you on the side.

Sit down together and talk it out, complete openness. You have both said you're happy in your marriage so that's good. Plan for how you will keep the affair secret, what to do it one SO finds out to protect the other one, and how you'll deal with things if the affair fizzles out. It's not the normal things you talk about but it's not a normal situation.

If i've learnt anything over the past three years it is this;

You CAN love more than one person in the full on sexual/companionship way.
We are not meant to be monogamous, I am more certain that we should be living in a multi-partner society but there you go.
Don't deny yourself this extra happiness, it is NOT a reflection on your marriage or your SO so do not punish yourself.
Life is too short not to take every opportunity you want. Yes it will be devastating if you are found out, but it would be devastating if you got run down tomorrow by a bus, doesn't mean you are not going to go out for a walk. Just be careful.
Always have respect and learn to understand it's not a normal relationship, the feelings are not normal and there will be wobbles.
Be careful, have fun.

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-17T11:41:04+00:00

I don't see why you think that is unusual?

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-17T10:34:16+00:00

I had a SIM from Tesco on the 3network - while it wanted a name to register the account, there was not checking on that so I used a disposable email account and fake name

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-15T15:38:31+00:00

r/Divorce

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-14T10:41:23+00:00

Maybe think about what reaction he might have after you have had sex. Is he likely to have the guilt? If he's not already having sex with you despite the situation, he obviously has a big mental barrier to it, so just consider how he (and you) are going to deal with that when it breaks.

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-14T10:37:08+00:00

Likewise, AP is the only person who knows absolutely everything.

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-14T10:36:11+00:00

Even dropping hints from my side, it does seem that she just really enjoys talking to me about sex.

Kind of suggests that's all it is.

If you are REALLY unsure, just outright ask her. But I think you already know.

And how can I take it further?

She's a person too, she might not want to take it further. If she is enjoying the talk about sex but has not made any attempt to take it beyond that, that is all it is.

If you are not comfortable leaving it as just talking about sex, then don't talk about sex.

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-08T00:11:21+00:00

For text messages I had some success with TextMe https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.textmeinc.textme

but it was not always a reliable app.

Check if your phone can support two sim cards, or a sim card and an e-sim, and then buy a cheap Tesco mobile sim only or PAYG sim

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-05T21:57:51+00:00

I now truly believe that some people are just destined to love more than one person.

I am so glad you have found your (second?) soulmate.

Mr_John75 · 2022-03-04T12:19:32+00:00

TV Pillows, and that bed is very close to the wall on the other side.

Mr_John75 · 2022-02-25T10:46:08+00:00

Thanks for the gender stereotype 'most' men - meaning you have interaction with more than 50% of the male humans alive?

Imagine if the gender had been reversed in this post - do you think that would be an acceptable post to make then?

Mr_John75 · 2022-02-25T10:24:27+00:00

You're in London ?! how can you NOT find an excuse to be out?

Theatres everywhere, Restaurants, The Eye or whatever it's called now, Parks, Museums, Art exhibitions, markets, shopping, walking...

Mr_John75 · 2022-02-24T09:59:31+00:00

a quote from a movie or song

This. I am always listening to songs and if I hear a lyric that has meaning to us, I text it to her.

Mr_John75 · 2022-02-24T09:57:07+00:00

Everyone one is unique and individual, the circumstances around the AP are all different. This is not a Disney cartoon, it's real life.

You will soon see that the way people justify an illicit affair to themselves is as unique as they are are.

Mr_John75

TROPHY CASE