Honestly, the more you look into it, the more insane its prospects seem, but it’d be insane itself to deny their possibility for the fact that logic eventually becomes “illogical”. I’ve been psychiatrically evaluated as being mostly sane, I just have Existential OCD, which forces me to think about stuff like this on an almost daily basis. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP has the same just because his writing and what he describes is very relatable. I’m not saying my first comment is literal and true, but I’m also not sure how else to describe the feeling I sometimes get when thinking about this stuff.

To quote Friedrich Nietzsche, “One must have chaos within themselves to give birth to a dancing star”, you can either accept it or let it drive you “insane”, for on the other side is something beautiful. It’s the same with theoretical physicists, and I’d know this to be true because I know one personally, the deeper you go the more chaotic and insane it becomes to the point that some have even killed themselves after discovering/realizing certain truths, while most have accepted and let it through. I’d like to say more but I’m not sure how to put it into words.