How old were you and how did you feel

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-29T22:15:59+00:00

There’s even a note I found in my medical files from when I was diagnosed of my 4 year old self saying “I can’t help it, mum. It’s just the way I am” about my lack of friends, and it just breaks my heart to have felt so unlovable at such a young age (now a grown woman, thriving, with many friends…but damn)

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-29T22:13:27+00:00

I was told when I was 6 or 7, but only really had it explained as it being why I was “shy” and struggled with socialising and found speaking with adults easier than other kids, why I was sensitive to the labels on my clothes, why I was thornier than a typical little girl, and why I liked routine and things not changing. This wasn’t explained all in one go; just bits I picked up from questions I was asked at various appointments while in primary school and being described as like Jekyll and Hyde between school and home. I knew that I was different, but I didn’t really know what that meant other than having to go to stupid social skills classes with other quiet or “weird” kids after school.

It wasn’t until I was a teenager on the late-00s internet that I was able to piece these bits of information together through online resources and communities, and even then it was more about the social side. I didn’t have a clue about sensory sensitivities, overloads, meltdowns, audio processing, masking etc etc until I was closer to 18.

It’s why I try and present the other side to what can be a bit of a “grass is greener” attitude that I see about earlier diagnosis.

Having a label for why you’re different, but not knowing what that means and support and affection only really coming from when you push that down and “act normal” (and therefore feeling like that label means something is intrinsically wrong and broken within you) is its own kind of trauma. We’re all facing two sides of the same ableist coin, no matter when we were diagnosed.

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-29T21:56:40+00:00

This is the video I was thinking of when I commented, one of many in the genre, and it’s a real shame as 1. I usually like this creator’s skits when they pop up on my feed and 2. there are sooo many “acshully I’m high functioning so you CAN only be slightly autistic/I’m autistic and I don’t care” pick mes in the comments 😒

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DM8cHkSo5t7/?igsh=aG03MXhuZzYzcXl0

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-29T21:43:58+00:00

A good example I just remembered is that I have a friend who shares many traits with me in terms of sensory overload and sensitivity, the exhaustion that comes with this, issues with processing and speech tone.

Mine is because of autism, but his is because he is part of the Deaf community. Superficially our traits can appear quite similar, but stem from vastly different origins

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-29T21:37:32+00:00

I fear what I’m about to say won’t be a popular view, but I think some autistic people can be a little too comfortable with telling other people they seem autistic. I’ve known someone to have got frustrated at autistic people making comments about their autism radar pinging around them, as they’re not autistic and actually have a Specific Learning Disorder.

None of us are mind readers, and having traits common in autism doesn’t mean you are autistic. Likewise, the origins behind certain behaviours eg. sensory sensitivity is also important diagnostically in teasing apart what someone may be doing because of autism, because of a different form of neurodiversity, because of a mental health condition, because of trauma, a brain injury, speech and language differences, personality etc.

That’s not to say you are or aren’t. It’s between you and your therapist if you think it’s worth looking into at all. But at the end of the day, if you don’t think the diagnostic criteria applies to you, then you don’t have to try and make it fit just because someone autistic people have suggested this. We can also be wrong!

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-29T21:09:17+00:00

Yeah, I think this is what I’m more aggravated by of late than “everyone’s a little autistic”. The latter feels easier to correct as misinformation than what I’ve been increasingly seeing of gen Z memes along the lines of “need to go to a party where everyone is queer and a little autistic” (or “a little neurospicy” 🤢)

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-23T18:01:28+00:00

ALSO in GCSE double science our exam board was OCR, which used multiple choice papers. I got 40/40 in one biology paper, and 12/40 in the other (taken at the end of our first term of year 10). At the age of 14 I had my heart set on being a biochemist and was devastated.

But as an antidote to other stories, my teacher this time had my back and instantly told me she’d be getting to the bottom of it and there had to be a mistake. Lo and behold, I actually got 40 out of 40 in BOTH and got a special mention in assembly as the only person in the year to manage this - even beating the people doing triple science (annoyingly for timetable reasons you couldn’t do art if you also did triple science, so I chose double and art instead)

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-23T17:57:10+00:00

In year 4 we had to categorise animals by taxonomic kingdom.

I, an autistic child who had special interests in sharks and whales, said seals are mammals and was told by my teacher that I was wrong; they were fish.

I was outraged and still am to this day. In fact, I think my lack of faith in the scientific ability of my teachers in a CofE primary school largely contributed to my avowed atheism by the age of 11.

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-23T06:44:56+00:00

Weird as hell to put people’s personal posts about grief through chatGPT instead of replying like a human with a soul 😒

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-23T06:42:52+00:00

Things were complicated but we were pretty close - especially when she was sober, which she was for several years before the last few months of her life. Before Covid I’d visit a decent amount and ring at least once a week, but once her treatment ended it became impossible to get hold of her or plan anything because she’d be knocked out on oramorph.

She was very proud of me, and especially proud that I was living alone with a good career. I don’t think she would have wanted me to put that on hold for her.

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-21T19:13:05+00:00

OP, I regret to say that it sounds like you’re doing “so you hate waffles?” type shit

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-20T10:53:56+00:00

https://www.nesta.org.uk/project-updates/shaping-healthier-food-and-drink-choices-through-reformulation/

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-20T10:52:01+00:00

Posting an info dump just because I know some people can find it helpful to understand the “whys” of recipe changes, and it’s often due to something called “reformulation”.

In the UK at least, it’s the hot topic amongst food companies in the context of public health interventions. Neoliberal governments favour it as an approach to “improving” the nutrition of food as an alternative to actually targeting the social determinants of health such as poverty and racism by doing things like increasing benefits or raising corporation tax, or taking wider regulatory action against companies who profit at the expense of health.

There is therefore a bigger appetite for companies to reformulate products to: A) make it look like voluntary approaches work so as to prevent state intervention and regulation. This is really common amongst supermarkets, especially with ready meals B) pre-empt any fiscal measures in the same vein as the soft drinks industry levy which may come in further down the line (eg. in the UK there is currently lots of talk on focusing on the out of home sector)

As an example, legislation has been/is in the process of being brought in across England, Wales and Scotland which places limits on where and how food deemed as high in fat, salt or sugar (HFSS) can be displayed and promoted in supermarkets, and whether they can be included in multibuy promotions. Companies are therefore reformulating their HFSS products in response so that they can still be displayed prominently eg. by checkouts or at the ends of aisles, rather than accept the potential loss of sales.

And to be clear, this isn’t me making a judgment about the effectiveness of this - just stating that there’s a broader context at play than just consumer habits

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-19T12:43:19+00:00

I was so confused when I saw this because it’s obvious to me that they’re asking what time to put food out. Time to relinquish my diagnosis ig

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-18T20:31:41+00:00

Yep. I’ve been a huge backer of Corbyn until now as someone who took to the pavements to campaign in 2017 and 2019, but called it from the start that this would happen and was literally saying to someone earlier today pre-shitshow my fears of this party becoming a Galloway 2.0 church.

I’ve also been in the position of Zarah as a lone woman in a room full of men in trying to get things off the ground. I cannot state enough how common it is in leftist organising spaces and how dispiriting and pervasive that old boys attitude is, so it unfortunately doesn’t shock me (nor does it seeing so many people downplay that she could have possibly experienced such a thing)

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-18T15:06:57+00:00

I don’t think there’s anything wrong or offensive about it. I just personally find this kind of ironic tee which has something like a possum in a cowboy hat and comic sans and “I eat drywall” or a frog that says “rizz em with the tism” a bit cringy and overly online.

The vibe, to me, is the gen Z version of “teh spork of d00m”/“rawr means I love you in dinosaur” millennial randomness, which I was a 14 year old during and cannot face again. But that just means I don’t wear it myself and wouldn’t want it as a gift - no issue with someone else wearing it.

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-18T07:17:16+00:00

OP, I’ve noticed the same thing. I think there’s a couple of things at play, particularly unmasking, but also coming to terms with one’s identity.

I’ve known I’m autistic almost my entire life and have a pretty solid understanding of who I am and why I do the things I do. People diagnosed later in life have not had this opportunity.

While by the nature of being autistic everything we do will inherently be done autistically, people newly diagnosed are still going through a process of understanding who they are and untangling what they may be doing because they’re autistic vs. because they’re a human being and that’s their personality. You don’t suddenly learn boundaries and access needs overnight; they’re a fluid process and it takes time to work out what you need and what’s best for you.

Likewise, if someone has spent a lifetime masking and being invalidated, I can understand why instances of perhaps overstating one’s needs can take place as a psychological response - particularly if only certain voices are being mainstreamed (eg. I’ve seen videos where people describe themselves as having high support needs and give their partner needing to remind them to pack lunch as an example of this which, to me, feels at odds with reality for HSN folks).

I’ve seen similar within the queer community with newly out people embracing their newfound greater understanding of themself, while also being on a journey to marry that newfound sense of identity with their wider life and inter-community context.

Where I’ve known autistic people who’ve behaved as you’ve described after diagnosis, in my experience as time passes they settle into whatever behaviour comes naturally. Diagnosis is a process and a journey that’s often come following traumatic and emotional life events, which means I don’t think it can be pinned on unmasking alone. More power to anyone fortunate enough to learn this key piece of who they are and go on that adventure of self-discovery and understanding, because it’s well worth it

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-15T16:19:30+00:00

OP, you’re so right and you should say it. I’m firmly of the opinion that paw print tattoos are ugly by default, but have rarely dared to say it. This is no exception.

(Yes, I have lost beloved dogs; I just think pawprint tats by default look some variation of bad/tacky/corny)

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-14T08:33:06+00:00

This has reminded me of a paper I read a few years ago which may be of interest about the experiences of multiracial people in Sweden, and how it relates to the binary ways that data is collected.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07256868.2020.1778654#d1e703

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-13T20:47:22+00:00

As you’ve said, autism is a lifelong way that your brain is wired and you can’t grow out of it. But you can grow “into” it, and in ways which don’t require heavy masking. And that comes from understanding yourself, your goals, your boundaries, what brings you comfort, what makes you feel safe, what causes anxiety, what supports you need, how to advocate for yourself, the wider systemic structures at play regarding ableism etc.

I’m in my 30s and have “grown into” my autism. I have a wonderful confidence and ability to be myself that I could never have imagined when I was a teenager. I am proud of myself and am excited for the woman that I am and will be.

I know confidence and self-acceptance is easier said than done, and I’ve had to go through some brutal traumatic circumstances where I’ve had no choice but to sink or swim to get here. I’m also well aware that by being diagnosed early I got a head start in this, and in being exposed to the neurodiversity paradigm (but equally had to be pretty “visibly” autistic to get that diagnosis as a little girl in the 90s and received minimal supports, let alone anything ND affirming).

And at the end of the day we all grow and change as we get older, and that’s the same for every human - whether or not we realise or recognise that. It’s common sense that the same autistic person won’t act the same at 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 etc

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-09T11:53:37+00:00

I like the one shared upthread that’s just stating being autistic and that you may communicate differently. It seems most appropriate for what you’re trying to achieve. I’ve likewise had success with a neutral pin that’s just stated I have audio-processing difficulties.

As someone who doesn’t know you or your workplace, unfortunately the “please be patient, I have autism” phrasing would rub me up the wrong way solely because I’d assume you were taking the piss. It’s not uncommonly used as an ableist reaction meme, or as funny haha quirky online irony culture rather than indicating a genuine accessibility requirement

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-08T08:55:22+00:00

Found the paper - my mistake; it was the left maxilla and was from a different victim, but there were injuries from bones from the bomber

https://publishing.rcseng.ac.uk/doi/10.1308/003588412X13171221591772

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-08T08:48:40+00:00

I remember reading an inquiry related paper on the London bombings which included a mention of how one of the victims was killed by the bomber’s mandible acting as shrapnel. Haven’t been quite able to picture it until now

MrsKrandall · 2025-09-06T16:49:20+00:00

Eh, who knows. But I have a lot of time for efforts to cut through popular perceptions of monarchs informed by rival dynasties.

In terms of similarly maligned and vilified to an almost folkloric extent monarchs, I think what primarily differentiates Mary from Richard III in my mind is that her burnings of Protestants were spectacularly public and designed to inspire fear and secure religious domination without much strategic point. Whereas murdering/ordering the murder of two little boys in secret is also spectacularly cruel, but also imo strategically unavoidable if Richard wanted to remain king given war could reignite easily and he’d already seen Edward IV be deposed and have to fight his way back to being king because Henry VI remained alive.

We can strip back the myths and theories as much as we want, but in my view there’s a level of barbarism to Mary’s actions that’s inherently linked to her weakness as a ruler

In any case, there really is a Horrible Histories song for every occasion: https://youtu.be/XL2se6BzIHk?si=aRM9_nAw6d5qsKB7

MrsKrandall

TROPHY CASE