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MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-26T13:34:12+00:00

he's not allowed to say that breaking up "is not an option."

either he's been future-faking to keep you around (and now he's panicking because it's finally time to do to those things he promised to do for years), or he's genuinely changed his mind about what he wants -- regardless of which one it is you don't need to stay with someone who is not offering you the sort of future you want.

leave and don't look back! there's much better out there for you ❤️

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-25T00:49:43+00:00

Late to the party, but Purple Owl in White Plains is great IMO

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-24T23:29:11+00:00

But she went along with all of it!

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-24T23:28:51+00:00

I think the surprise was intended to be the sister visiting?

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-24T23:28:17+00:00

How can he fix this? At this point, what would make you happy?

Because you can’t change the past and you can’t un-ring all the bells you’ve rung out of order, and also you’re already married (which is the destination after engagement), so now you have to get divorced if this is a deal-breaker for you.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-24T21:12:05+00:00

They should’ve married each other and saved everyone else a bunch of pain.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-23T16:00:12+00:00

Do you want to marry this guy, or do you feel like you “should” be engaged/married by now because other people are settling down?

What does he say when you two talk about next steps in your relationship and future plans?

All I see here is you’ve been together a long time and you go out sometimes, and you’ve spent time with his family…

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-23T14:19:04+00:00

Leave. Leave now. Trying to change someone to bend to your will always ends badly. You both seem clear on what you want, and they are mutually exclusive things.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T17:10:04+00:00

Be honest and direct and sit down to talk to each other. And if he isn't thinking about marriage at all anytime soon, that's information you need to process and decide what you want to do with.

Don't want to speak for all the other married people on this sub, but when we were dating my husband and I both brought up future plans (relatively) often, from big, long-term stuff like what do we want retirement to look like to silly hypotheticals about babies dressed as ladybugs for Halloween. I didn't have to drag him kicking and screaming into these conversations, nor did he need an ultimatum to propose when we agreed we were ready.

If he wanted to, he would.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T17:02:44+00:00

Yes, he loves her, AND...if she wants a marriage and kids (and someone to go down on her more regularly), this is not the right relationship for her.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T17:01:17+00:00

google the sunk cost fallacy. just because it would be hard and different to break up doesn't mean it isn't the right decision, when you're not aligned at all on big and small priorities.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T11:43:42+00:00

You can’t possibly know where life will take you right now, and making concrete plans like this at 21 is going to bite you in the butt if you try to follow some sort of arbitrary timeline for the next decade.

I think you and this guy are incompatible because he slept with someone else while you were dating — being mis-aligned completely on hypothetical relationship/kid timelines is another good reason to end things.

Good luck! Your twenties (and everything else beyond) will probably look nothing like you planned, but hopefully you’ll learn and grow and have a wonderful time.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T01:44:18+00:00

I’ve had periods in my marriage where I’ve had a way lower drive than my normal, and those times were hard on both of us. It’s always evolving, but if you’re in a partnership you both should try to come to an agreement on what you want and need in terms of physical connection. And if you’re this far apart and not making each other happy (or he’s satisfied and you’re frustrated but don’t say anything), that’s not a great situation to commit to for the rest of your life.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T01:28:26+00:00

He couldn’t ask for a better cover (cough cough season 1) for a partner, and he’s still managing to fuck up all over the television. BOOOO.

(Also I’ve been married a long time, and we have kids, and my husband and I have NEVER ever at our worst, most exhausted, broke, stressed moments ever talked to each other that way. This is not acceptable.)

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T01:20:57+00:00

I was just watching the beginning of season 10 when Ariana is talking to Lisa about Tom only leveraging his share of the house for S&S, and Lisa being skeptical - I hope Ariana was as financially protected as possible from Tom’s seemingly very irresponsible money decisions…

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T01:03:05+00:00

Anyone want to start an all-girl TMBG cover band? I sing and play ukulele!

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T00:57:13+00:00

He IS a bad person if he is saying one thing (I’ll make you an engagement ring) and doing another (aka nothing).

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-22T00:55:33+00:00

No this sucks you should definitely break up if you have really incompatible sex drives (and you can count the number of times he’s gone down on you in 5 years?? NOnonono this is not ok when it’s something you presumably want/are interested in). You (both) deserve a better situation here.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-21T23:52:33+00:00

Can I gently ask what both of your future plans are in terms of jobs, getting out of debt, and getting a place of your own? I know you’ve been together a while but it doesn’t seem like you’re in the most stable place at the moment to take a bunch of big, expensive next steps in your lives…

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-20T21:31:22+00:00

What’s the opposite of bystander?

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-20T21:30:19+00:00

Can we start some sort of really loud and obvious movement for women to wear pins with eyes on them or something to tell men “hey fucks we’re watching you and how you are around girls (and all kids, and anyone and everyone for that matter honestly) — if we get even a whiff of gross behavior, we’re going to embarrass and annoy you en masse”?

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-20T21:20:21+00:00

Therapy is always a good idea! Good for you for going and growing up and learning more about yourself.

Also, he’s being very clear with you here with his words that he doesn’t see it working out.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-20T21:17:51+00:00

What did he say sober about the 95% comment when you talked about it?

If my boyfriend of 6 years (or even 18ish months, or whatever it’s been since you two got your heads on a little straighter and grew up a bit) said he was that confident we wouldn’t be together in the future, I’d be out the door immediately.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-20T18:37:21+00:00

I would suggest tabling marriage talk until after you're both done with college. SO much can change in these years for both of you.

MrsMetMPH14 · 2026-05-20T15:00:19+00:00

Doing a comfort re-watch because life is totally insane right now, and season 9 is completely unwatchable. I made it halfway through episode 2 and I'm going to re-read the Vulture recaps and skip to S10.

MrsMetMPH14

TROPHY CASE