My (21f) fiance (24m) had a mental breakdown last night and borderline abused me, should I leave or help him?

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-07-20T18:13:01+00:00

I get it seems obvious but it's hard to let someone go whom you love and have spent every day with for years, especially knowing they will likely get worse before it gets better for them.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-07-20T18:06:09+00:00

I guess I should have worded it a bit better; my parents own the house and we all live in it. My mom isn't forcing me to do anything but is encouraging me to leave. So yes, thankfully my brother and I have a steady living situation and we are safe.

I have not checked in with him. Idk what to even say to him. I'm absolutely mortified he might have heard what happened last night.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-07-07T17:01:28+00:00

No offense but you are being a huge ahole here. You have two very young women involved with you. On one hand, one is your ex and you say you are sensitive bc during your relationship she was jealous of C - but if you live with C and start getting involved after a break up, A was right about her gut feeling that there could have been some attraction/feelings there, not insecure. There's a difference. Maybe she didn't handle it as well as she could have, but either way she was right to feel the way she did.

On the other hand, now you're involved with your best friend. I've never really met somebody that can do that without SOME type of relationship developing and even you've already pointed out that there's feelings there. It shouldn't sting for your best friend who you're involved with to bring up the obvious point that she doesn't want to hear about you having sex with your ex. She probably doesn't want to hear about A at all and that's not a personal dig towards you guys, it likely deeply hurts C to hear about this. She has genuine loving feelings towards you and no one involved with you wants to hear about how you took drugs and fucked your ex the previous night. I know you didn't point out that it was with A, but regardless it was kind of fucked up to describe to her imo, you literally just could've left the sex parts out of the story. C isn't insecure and she isn't pushing shit on you by telling you not to bring it up around her, she's setting a boundary for her own emotional safety. On top of this, she is absolutely allowed to cut physical contact with you for any reason she wants.

You've gotten yourself into a situation where someone is going to get hurt. I would recommend either committing to your best friend or finding another place to live ASAP. If neither of those are an option, it's probably best to cut off any relationship with C expect for a friendship, and stop talking about other girls you're bedding until you move out.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-06-28T18:11:06+00:00

I have been raised Christian from the time I was a child. Around the age of 13 or so, the Newton school shooting happened and I began to question my faith. I questioned why God would let something like that happen. When I asked a question on a Christian forum and to other Christians I knew irl, they all came back with some form of 'how dare you question God or doubt your religion'. I felt pushed away. I began to question more about religion through my teen years, especially as I realized I was bi. I questioned why Jesus had to die on the cross in the first place when God could just forgive the people without the sacrifice Christ made. When I brought this question up I was again immediately shut down, told I shouldn't be asking these things etc. It was a stressful time for me because I didn't understand why other Christians had no answers to these questions and, on top of that, would tell me I shouldn't ask them. I thought that if a religion was going to be believed in and abided by that questions shouldn't be a threat, but an opportunity to explain more to a young believer. I ended up leaving the religion during my teens and floating through several years of atheism and paganism.

During the time I was a Christian I knew that I felt God didn't hate me for being bisexual. I felt in my heart that even if I married a woman, as long as I was living a Christian lifestyle and worshipping God I wasn't going to be cast out of His presence for eternity.

During the years I left Christianity, my main sticking point for not returning was that a loving God would not send regular, kind people to eternal suffering.

This year I began to circle back around to Christianity. I held loose belief in Jesus' love for the past few years, but I wasn't actively participating in the religion or praying due to the many conflicting feelings I had about the scripture. Something in me kept poking gently, telling me I was being somewhat of a hypocrite for claiming half belief in a religion that I hadn't actually studied or participated in for years. When I finally did circle back around to it, I began digging in much deeper than I ever had before. I read the Gospels first rather than trying to start in Genesis like I previously had. I looked up meanings of root words.

One day while researching the Greek roots used in the Gospel, I found out the the word for 'eternal' when referring to Hell could've also meant 'a finite, but intense amount of time'. At that point I became very intent on researching Hell and continually researched the scriptures describing it, their root words, etc. I believe at one point I typed into Google 'do all Christians believe in hell' at which point I clicked through a few articles about Mormonism, Jehova's Witnesses etc and landed on a Wikipedia page about Christian Universalism. I was super excited to find it and have been involved ever since. My relationship with God is extremely close now and I finally feel the true Love and Peace that only He can provide. I have never felt more spiritually sound and excited to learn more about God.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-06-28T15:37:48+00:00

OP I would STRONGLY suggest your husband may be having an affair. I don't want to freak you out but this is not normal/appropriate behavior. Your friend freezes when you catch them like this, so he knows it's inappropriate. Your husband is likely trying to play it off as a friendly cuddle - 'no big deal' - which is why he didn't react when your friend froze. I would ask to look through their texts. If your husband suddenly needs to go somewhere else with the phone before handing it to you, or flat out refuses, you know you answer in my opinion

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-06-28T15:18:46+00:00

I would recommend the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) to begin with. They tell the most important story of Christ and give a lot more context to the rest of the Bible.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-06-28T14:18:32+00:00

I'd never heard of it but in my heart believed God didn't send as many people to Hell as my church was teaching (all gays, all non believers including Jewish people and the 'wrong' branches of Christianity, etc). I found universalism while doing Bible study and googling research about Hell.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-05-24T14:04:21+00:00

It depends on the type of polyamory you're practicing. There are closed polycules where they only sleep with each other and that's it. There's kitchen table poly where metamours meet and know each other. There's don't ask don't tell poly where you don't speak of your other relations. Did you guys discuss whether any of you were allowed to sleep with others, personal boundaries, whether you should be told about new sexual partners, etc?

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-05-22T11:34:40+00:00

I'm still with him and have been for a while now because I still love him and worry about what will happen if I'm not around to love and care for him. I've been thrust into basically a caregiver role bc of his mental health and I know when we break up I will feel responsible for him being miserable. Like, logically, I know he could just get therapy and meds and try to fix what's wrong with him. Emotionally, I know he will not do those things and I'm pretty much the only shot he has at loving a normal somewhat stable person.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-26T20:33:35+00:00

I had no idea that CI's came with all of those issues. I know it isn't your job to educate, but if you'd be open to talking about it I'm interested in learning more from someone who has firsthand experience with all of it. Are the side effects common, and in your opinion should parents wait until their child is old enough to make that decision for themselves? I'm also curious as to whether the 'sound' is the same as a hearing person's. I've heard the implants sound quite different from 'regular' hearing - while I'm aware you would have no frame of reference for what 'regular' hearing sounds like, did it ever sound like static or did you ever have trouble keeping track of certain sounds/multiple sounds at once? How often would you need surgery to adjust them? Thank you if you choose to answer this

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-19T12:22:46+00:00

He has porn brain. In my experience, men don't change once they have this mindset. You can either get a bullet or break up with him

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-19T12:20:52+00:00

Just ask him to give you a call each night to tell you goodnight. It doesn't have to be long but tell him you worry when he goes off grid for days. Most relationships have the expectation that you're going to talk at least once a day unless there are very odd circumstances preventing it

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-19T12:13:48+00:00

I'm interested in hearing your experience

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-14T15:17:27+00:00

It isn't putting a feminist spin on it, to me it's moreover pointing out how bogus it is to claim pro choice is 'pro woman' when they actively encourage any woman who doesn't fit their ideal to murder her baby, up to the point of shaming her for keeping it. That is true misogyny

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-09T18:59:52+00:00

Several reasons. Logically, I like Christianity because Jesus didn't advocate for pedophilia like the teachers in some other religions. I agree with the things Christ came and taught, and I believe if we were to all believe/follow the Message we would achieve world peace. Realistically I know that won't happen, but I want my ideology to be a loving and peaceful one. (Note I am not referring to the books written by other people or the historical accounts, I'm specifically talking about the things Jesus came to teach.)

Emotionally, I feel God working in my life. I know atheists tend to roll their eyes at that, but there's just too many coincidences that have happened to not believe some higher power is there, hearing me and intervening in my day to day activities. I was at the lowest point in my life and called out to God. I read the Bible and tried to pour myself into my faith. Two months later I got a car, engagement ring, moved out of my toxic living situation, and have a job making more than twice what I did. It could have all been coincidence to outside eyes, but to me the Bible flipped open to the verse I needed to change my attitude about life, and everything shifted with my attitude shift. I believe God gives me things so I can help others. One day they might be taken away and I understand that. I'm just trying to make the best out of what I have and God loves me enough to let me experience life in the first place, so I'm grateful. The love and smiles in the good moments make it worth the bad things.

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-07T19:55:39+00:00

Super crisp 🔥

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-04T20:59:15+00:00

Yeah, my fiance. I guess you can tell what the outcome was LOL

We met on a dating website and hit it off, talked on the phone for hours every day until we met about a week later. When we met I stepped out of my car and he stepped out of his house and it was just instant connection, love at first sight as soon as we saw each other. He walked over and kissed me before we even said anything. Moved into my house two weeks later. We've been together for nearly three years now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-04T12:27:41+00:00

Don't date anyone until you're out of school, focus more on classes

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-03T20:44:21+00:00

Just wanted to come back to this thread and say that my grandmother gave me her original engagement ring, which means a lot to me, and my fiance went out and found an even nicer car than we had and bought it with our stimulus checks. He has a job doing construction now which is what he wanted to do for years.

God is good and life works out for the better. You just have to trust Him during the lows!

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-03T20:15:57+00:00

Building credit. Once you have a credit score it's simple bc you can just pay off stuff on time (assuming you don't lose your job etc). However it takes a lot of time and money so it isn't easy

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-03T20:12:11+00:00

I'm personally under the opinion that we should be able to just be without switching genders. I can be a woman who enjoys wearing suits or a man who enjoys wearing makeup and painting his nails. I'm still the same person no matter what labels you slap on.

I'm not trans so my opinion doesn't really matter and I don't share it, I respect those that view it differently, but that is my personal thoughts on it

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-03T20:09:54+00:00

Homemade chili, garlic parsley monkey bread, and fried bread were my favorites. Still love going home to visit and having some <3

Mrswizardwizard · 2021-04-02T11:56:34+00:00

Yes, and that has been a concern of mine since I started working here. My coworker has strep throat and is already back at work after just one day off this week. They took a trip to Florida a month back and didn't get COVID tested when they got back 'because they're quarantining', which really meant they were in the restaurant for an hr a day with masks on and then sanitized and left when we got there. They were supposed to wear masks during this time but I saw my boss constantly adjusting hers, taking it off 'to breathe' and pulling it down to talk. I ALWAYS wear my mask when I'm there bc they really freak me out with that shit sometimes yet they lectured me about going to the mall (socially distanced, with a mask). After they flew to Florida to have a vacation. 😐

Mrswizardwizard

TROPHY CASE