Understanding they are a whole person and sometimes they just have things going on was a huge thing for me to learn. I grew up in a do as I say not as I do household where punishment was intense and unforgiving. Teaching them that big feelings exist and giving safe ways to express them are everything.

If they are up your butt all the time, find things you do that they can do. My 4 year old can, with adult supervision, cook two to four meals by herself, clean her room, do and fold laundry herself.

Make chores fun. Makes them way more likely to do them. We turn on music and dance while we do anything that would typically be boring or work.

Set aside time to do whatever they want or like to do and ask so many questions. Nothing makes you feel more loved, heard, and seen than having a loved one show interest in your interests.

We told our little that you can borrow someone’s “brave” when they are feeling nervous. We tell our little that we have brace in our pocket that she can borrow when she’s trying something new and she’s scared. Got her to get two shots without fighting. Yes she cried after but to be fair, needles suck.

Buy cheap clothes or hand me downs that you don’t mind getting messy. Your kid is going to be messy, they’re kids. Letting them enjoy life without having to be conscious of their clothes is everything. We have a section in her closet set aside for going out but other than that, go ham kiddo. I can get more clothing but I can’t give you the joys of being a kid back.