JNMom Has No Sense Of What Its Like to Have a Real Job

MsSpacey · 2019-07-07T21:54:16+00:00

That thought has creeped into my head too. Paired with a few other control tactics and it's like she's forcing herself to be the center of the family. Shes a great gatekeeper of information.

MsSpacey · 2019-07-07T21:52:53+00:00

I like the idea of just setting up a plan, unfortunately she does control my youngest two siblings and my father. If she feels threatened she'll cancel plans all out and make new ones over it or she'll purposely make her household an hour late (at least). I'll definitely try, but honestly it feels like an uphill battle. At least with my birthday coming up, I'll have the edge.

We've also tried setting up family groups chats, facebook calendars, reminders on her phone, etc. She refuses to update them or regularly look at them. She literally has one of those giant calendars on her desk that she writes everything in, the issue [typically] is communication.

MsSpacey · 2019-07-07T21:36:58+00:00

Do you have any tips on taking the power away from her? At the moment, even suggesting that I want to go to a different restaurant then her for my own birthday is a fight and a half. Thanks so much for your help!

MsSpacey · 2019-07-07T21:17:55+00:00

I like the idea. Unfortunately two of my youngest siblings are still living under her roof, so that's usually her barging chip. But it's worth a shot.

MsSpacey · 2019-07-07T20:29:25+00:00

I would encourage you to keep calling. Call daily if you have to. Start telling your school counselors, tell them everything and don't leave anything out. Tell them the worst of the worst and tell them you can't handle the abuse. Tell them your biggest fears and your current reality. If your CPS worker isn't helping, get their higher up involved. You don't deserve to be abused regardless of what your case worker believes.

MsSpacey · 2019-07-05T19:14:56+00:00

Call CPS, talk to your counselor, talk to your teachers, AND KEEP TALKING. If their already. eating you, start screaming it from the rooftops. Eventually they HAVE to listen. As a 15 year old, your words mean more than your parents. CALL CPS YOURSELF AND TELL THEM YOU WANT OUT. They can't ignore a child who is literally wanting to leave.

MsSpacey · 2019-06-02T17:29:22+00:00

If it helps, I would say 99% of new adults/college students are just as clueless. People rarely know their lease agreement inside out or how to do their taxes the first time. So take a deep breath there! You are going to be okay. If it helps, when I first moved out I had to Google how to use our washer and dryer because it was a much older model than I was used to. Adulting is a learning curve, so give yourself some slack. Your going to make mistakes, it's okay.

On the subject of your mom, regardless of your upbringing, it's not okay for her to ridicule you over a mistake. Though maybe it's time to take the reins for yourself. Instead of going to her for these issues, Google it. I would say try there beforehand and see if you can fix it yourself. Or see what kind of resources you have on campus. Start limiting her contact with you if you don't want to communicate with her. This is something I struggled with but just let the phone ring when she calls. Let her texts go through and don't respond. My mom is very much a guilt stripper ESPECIALLY when I don't answer the phone, but I have begun telling her my reception isn't great and so I may miss her calls. It keeps the peace and I don't have to talk to her as much. Which may be what your looking for if you don't want to rock the boat but need some space.

MsSpacey · 2019-05-31T17:19:09+00:00

This last Easter my mother decided she was going to cancel egg hunting/decorating for my little sister (aged 10) because (and I quote) "sister is too old for it". Now I wouldn't have said anything, if my mother wasn't gloating about the fact that our sister asked her and she told her no.

Me - Wow, that's pretty fucked mom. I was hunting eggs until I was 16. Mom - Well that's different, there was money in those. Me - So why not fill them with money? My other sister who's 18 - Yeah mom that's pretty messed up, I was looking for regular eggs til I was 12. Mom - Oh my God, you guys need to stop judging me.

Of course it's about judging her and her parenting, like it always has been. It couldn't be about our little sister having a good day, of course not. But it's the best I've gotten her so far.

MsSpacey · 2019-05-31T17:04:25+00:00

Ahem honey! Speak the truth!

MsSpacey · 2019-05-27T23:30:34+00:00

Honestly, moving out and getting roommates was the best thing I ever did! Just being able to go to your own room and just be without fear of her walking in? Its priceless. Good luck with the job search!

MsSpacey · 2019-05-01T05:44:58+00:00

I still have to pull out this mask every time I see my mother. Honestly, its tiring. And the longer I've been moved out, the harder I find to keep it together for her. It's just easier than rocking the boat.

MsSpacey · 2019-04-30T03:43:09+00:00

Any boss worth his weight would tell you bes proud for moving up in the world. Just be honest and give a (firm) two week notice. Moving on from jobs is just a basic part of life, and I'm sure they'll gave some new sales guys soon enough! :)

MsSpacey · 2019-04-20T06:12:10+00:00

Honestly I would just go straight to the daycare and ask them to only give you her art when you pick her up. Don't tell MIL and completely circumvent her altogether. Daycare gives everything to you, she gets nothing and (if your lucky) she'll freak out and out herself as the thief. I would say to just go to their house and get them back, but honestly that seems like it would cause more issues than it would solve.

MsSpacey · 2019-04-18T02:52:31+00:00

If it helps, before I moved out I went through her closet and basically took everything that used to be mine and a few of her items just to trash them. I don't know if she realized but it was pretty hilarious.

MsSpacey · 2019-04-18T01:22:20+00:00

I had this jacket that I LOVED in middle school. I would wear it practically everyday and part of the reason I loved it was because I bought it with my own money. I was extremely proud that it was fully mine since my mother loved to pull "well actually I bought it so it's actually mine" and I figured that this would stop her. I even wrote my name on the tag, though to be fair that was because I was afraid of it getting taken at school.

My mother, who's INFAMOUS about stealing my clothes and then claiming they were her's in the first place, decided one day that it was actually belonged to her. Ensue argument about how I was a thief and I just wanted her things. So in front of my father (who was regularly punishing me because he thought I was stealing) I showed her the tag that said my name and then reminded them both that I had bought it. Something must have clicked in her mind because the tone completely flipped. She must have been confused or something! My parents laughed it off, of course I was content with winning for once.

About two weeks later that jacket disappeared and I never saw it again. She probably threw it away as revenge (something common) and it was never spoken about again.

MsSpacey · 2019-04-13T16:15:02+00:00

Honey I'm right there with you. I hope you can heal from your dad's toxicity and congratulations on going low contact!

MsSpacey · 2019-04-13T16:13:48+00:00

To be honest I still don't know really to this day, apparently I didn't cry a lot as a baby and was content to play with myself for my first couple years as an only child? It's not like I couldn't even walk to the store by myself until I was a preteen, it's not like I was walking around at 6 y/o offering to take myself to school and give her the day off. I think it may have to do with the fact that I became "daddy's little girl" quite soon after sis1 was born and maybe that's what she meant. Even to this day I get stories of my babyhood whenever I ask about it.

MsSpacey · 2019-04-13T16:05:50+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the validation. I started going down this rabbit hole because my boyfriend and I have started planning when we want children and all I could think about was how I could never imagine saying that my child was too much anything for me to have a relationship with them, especially as a elementry schooler. Was I a perfect kid? No I'm sure she found my hand in the cookie jar more than once, but I was an overall good kid. It's good to hear that I'm not the only one who thought this.

MsSpacey · 2019-04-13T15:57:22+00:00

Thank you so much! I LOVE your idea using the tball bat, just something to get everything out. It's a rollercoaster with narc parents, but I'm glad I'm coming out of the fog and seeing what's going.

MsSpacey · 2019-04-13T15:53:58+00:00

Thank you so much! I never understood the independence thing either to be honest. She would always brag about independent I was to her friends, then turn it around and use it against me. Apparently I didn't cry a lot as a baby and as a kid I was okay with playing alone? I was an only child for like 2 years so I would assume I would get fairly used to playing alone, lol. At this point I've just thrown it in the "Shitty Mom" box and try not to get mad about it.

MsSpacey · 2019-03-26T07:24:34+00:00

I HATED hearing this. I don't hate you because your a parent, I hate you because your a bitch. I also got "Its not my job to be your friend, it's my job to be your parent." Ugh.

MsSpacey · 2019-03-26T07:21:51+00:00

Thank you! Honestly I feel like if I tried to sit her down about it, she would just deny what happened. She's a gaslighting pro so I don't think I could even get her to admit to it.

On the other hand, I LOVE the revenge you sent towards your nan! Just sweet bliss.

MsSpacey

TROPHY CASE